While responding to Nell's thread, the following mathematical approach to defining affairs occurred to me:<P>fog = MS/A<P>(that is, fog equal Marital State divided by the Affair)<P>where<P>MS = (WS+BS)*(-EN+LB)<BR>A = (OP+BS)*(D+OWR)<BR>OWR = PEN*LoRWI<P>where MS= Marital State;<BR>WS= Wayward Spouse;<BR>BS= Betrayed Spouse;<BR>EN= Emotional Needs<BR>PEN=Perceived Emotional Needs;<BR>LB= Love Busters;<BR>OP= Other Person;<BR>D = Denial and/or Deceitfulness;<BR>OWR=Other World Reality;<BR>LoRWI=Lack of Real World Intrusions<P>In other words: The Marital State (the two spouses' negative emotional needs times the number of lovebusters), is divided by the product of the affairees and the sum of their denial/deception and their perceived emotional needs.<P>Personally, I understand E=mc squared a lot better.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 14, 2001).]

Now wait a minute STL. You need to do a proof of this before The American Mathematical Journal will accept it for publication.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

OK, so it is a theorem and not a constant.<P><smile><P>STL

You two are funny !<P>Cali

Cali,<P>We are working on a comedy routine to take on the road. We’ll give Condit-gate a few more weeks to get some material and we’ll be ready. Do you think it would work out well if we started out in clubs in the DC area? Or do you think that market is saturated?<P>lol<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

STL - you are one warped guy - and I'm not saying that just to be nice.<P>The engineer in me wants to ask what the units are for those terms and do they include abductions per time interval and moose brain worms per unit brain volume?<P>WAT

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SeenTheLight:<BR><B>While responding to Nell's thread, the following mathematical approach to defining affairs occurred to me:<P>fog = MS/A<P>(that is, fog equal Marital State divided by the Affair)<P>where<P>MS = (WS+BS)*(-EN+LB)<BR>A = (OP+BS)*(D+OWR)<BR>OWR = PEN*LoRWI<P>where MS= Marital State;<BR>WS= Wayward Spouse;<BR>BS= Betrayed Spouse;<BR>EN= Emotional Needs<BR>PEN=Perceived Emotional Needs;<BR>LB= Love Busters;<BR>OP= Other Person;<BR>D = Denial and/or Deceitfulness;<BR>OWR=Other World Reality;<BR>LoRWI=Lack of Real World Intrusions<P>In other words: The Marital State (the two spouses' negative emotional needs times the number of lovebusters), is divided by the product of the affairees and the sum of their denial/deception and their perceived emotional needs.<P>Personally, I understand E=mc squared a lot better.[B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Since I'm NO Einstein.......does this mean that we have a deficit? in the red? up Poop's Creek w/o an oar? don't have a pot to p*ss in or a window to throw it out of? can't afford to pay attention? etc, etc, etc.....<P>Sorry 'bout the ramblings.....I have a difficult time reaching the brake pedal <P>------------------<BR>[b]Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B><BR><p>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited July 14, 2001).]

Applying WAT (WAT's Alien Theorem) Constants to STL's Fog Factor Theorem<P>UBV (Unit Brain Volume) is an n-dimensional space occluded by delusion. Thus, it all has a Fog-Factor value of x. To further confuse the issue, MBW (Moose Brain Worms) have only been seen by the physical manifestations of their presence in wayward spouses.<P>They occupy y-space (also called "why space" but never "wise pace"). There was a displacement by volume of water test conducted once, I believe. But since it was done in a fog, no one could read the displacement value. It is thus assumed to be greater than 1 but less than infinity.<P>There is also a direct correlation between fog and alien abductions (Z's Fog Premise: they scan the earth looking for fog). It has a value of pie (which are round, not squared: cake are squared).<P>Hopefully this clears up some of the lingering questions of this theorem.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

GL:<P>Real-world applications of the Fog Theorem are minimal, as it can only exist in fog conditions (expressed mathematically above). It is considered obtuse math to match equally obtuse conditions.<P>However: it is 100-percent provable in the fog. As for reaching the brake pedal, that falls under the Extending Height Via Spanish Inquisition theory.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

OK all i have to say is FUNNNNNNNNNYYY. Can you caluculate when the MOTHER ship is coming though?? PLEASE!!!! And while you are at it, who do thaey get the cream filling in a twinkie?? ( off topic but i am curious)<BR>Maine :0)<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SeenTheLight:<BR><B>GL:<BR>However: it is 100-percent provable in the fog. As for reaching the brake pedal, that falls under the Extending Height Via Spanish Inquisition theory.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>OMG.......you sound like a fellow who was sitting at the next table at IHOP this morning. My thirteen year old son and I go to breakfast on Saturday, once a month, at a different diner/restaurant/whathaveyou. We were enjoying each others company while getting a free education from this dude who was entertaining the folks at his table with his vast knowledge of the trade routes in Brazil as well as umpteen other international topics. I was thinking to myself, "Dang...I can't wait until his breakfast arrives so that he'll shut up and eat." Hell, his booming voice was curdling the cream in my coffee. I had to have another two mugs in order to act human never mind think like one......LOL!<P>In all honesty, your theorem is astounding and right on the money. I think that you deserve a nomination for a physics/psychology award.....if there is such an animal <P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B><BR><p>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited July 14, 2001).]

Maine:<P>Well, the Mothership ... hmmm, I must defer to WAT in this area of mathematics, as he is the Mothership Expert here at MB. But, as they said in college, when in doubt, pick "c". So that is my answer until I hear from WAT.<P>As for Twinkies, I thought you knew: Hostess employs Moose Brain Worms to do it. Exactly how this takes place is a closely-held alien secret.<P>GL:<P>That was <B>YOU</B>? If I had only known ... I do admit to one thing in the Brazlian Trade Route discussion: where the heck is Brazil? <smile> glad you reached the brake pedal.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 14, 2001).]

Maine and STL<P>As for Twinkies, I thought you knew: Hostess employs Moose Brain Worms to do it. Exactly how this takes place is a closely-held alien secret.<P>OH GROSS… Twinkies cream filling and Moose Brain Worms. Now we know what they do with the Moose Brain Worms when the WS’s fog clears and the worms dye. No one, I mean no one on MB is ever going to eat another Twinkies.<P>GeezLouise…..<P>Despite what STL says here that was not him. He has been downstairs in his office all day coming up with this brilliant postulate. (Well maybe not all day… he has emerged form time to time to discuss his approach with me, eat cheese rolls; then Canadian bacon, mushroom and green chili pizza; drink a pot of coffee and a couple of DR. Peppers. He also has helped chase the kids to their rooms where they are now imprisoned until we can see the floors.) So no that was to him. (Rotfl)<P>Z<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

But absolutely NO Twinkies! I did manage to do a little real work around the house (domestic support) the kids in room thing (family support) and well ... Z ... that other emotional need that is number 5 on both our lists ...<P><smile><P>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 14, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by zorweb:<BR><B><BR>Despite what STL says here that was not him. He has been downstairs in his office all day coming up with this brilliant postulate. (Well maybe not all day… he has emerged form time to time to discuss his approach with me, eat cheese rolls; then Canadian bacon, mushroom and green chili pizza; drink a pot of coffee and a couple of DR. Peppers. He also has helped chase the kids to their rooms where they are now imprisoned until we can see the floors.) So no that was to him. (Rotfl)<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> Can you spell RELIEF.....ROLAIDS? Kids rooms have floors?<P><P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Oooooooooooppppppps! Repeat....so sorry!<p>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited July 14, 2001).]

STL... <P>I don't know about that being #5. Since you got back from your trip last night I think it's moved to #1.<P>GeezLouise.....<P>Didn't you check your Every Parent's Handbook? It says that you can be sure that when you step into a child's room, even when you cannot see the floor, you will not fall into great dark abyss.<P>Z

GL:<P>Actually, floors existing in children's rooms is just a <I>theory</I> ... we might even be able to prove it!<P>A landmark day for math ... two theorems proven in one day!<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SeenTheLight:<BR><B>GL:<P>Actually, floors existing in children's rooms is just a <I>theory</I> ... we might even be able to prove it!<P>A landmark day for math ... two theorems proven in one day!<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Gosh, STL.....perhaps you can save that theorem for another day when your stomach needs refueling....LOL! Save your stength for better things.....like driving that cadillac home, daddy!<P><P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Ssshhhh.....top secret message.....I think Zorweb and STL, our top espionage agents, have both been beamed aboard the mothership and have been replaced by alien clones....obviously they were seen as a significant risk against the F.O.G.'s plan to invade the world with Moose Brain Worms....I'm calling MI5....only 007 James Bond can help them now....<P>Code Red in action,<BR>Agent 'Paint'