Well, at the close of today, my W said good night to me and we had an awkward moment of mutal contact... something with our hands... I know this doesn't sound like much but it really is significant.<P>I'm a little confused. Today we went to the pool for a bit (actually she met step-daughter and me there). Tonight I cooked (grilled steaks, etc.) and made some daiquiris, we just sort of ate dinner and hung out. She talked about frustrations at her job and I listened well, gave my opinions, advised gently, etc. Also told her I would never "argue" with her again over ANYTHING. This was not said in a weak manner, more like our communication from now on will be free from argument and will instead be negotiation. After dinner she and daughter watched movie, I let them have girl time, etc. After movie she got a little upset over money, how we don't have enough to do "normal" things. We do live in a nice house and neighborhood but could use new furniture and the house needs painting, etc, but our debt is bad. I really couldn't say anything. She got over it, then we exchanged some kind words and said good night.<P>She is behaving very nicely to me right now. She's appreciating my efforts. We seem to be doing well together, just not in a romantic way at all... Is this normal, or at least, okay? She seems to be happy that I'm doing all of these things for her, but also seems happy to continue with OM when I separate... Is this good Plan A'ing or me getting used?<P>I feel like I'm laying down a good foundation. Now if I could just come up with $$$... Anyone here an agent who would like to read my novel? It's gonna be a bestseller...<P>zen

Sorry... not an agent here ...<P>The unfortunate hard part of being the plan Aer, is that you do get worn out. ANY doormat gets worn out when used. The one thing you need to remember about plan Aing right now, is that although you are to fulfil the EN's of your spouse, you are NOT to do things that are against your own personal morals or proper judgement.<P>The romance/sex issue is a very common one on here. Those EN's are most likely being met by the OM, and that's why she won't accept them from you. Even in recovery, it can be a problem. I'd say, due to guilt on part of the WS. However, being a BS, I cannot say that for sure.<P>You're doing a great job! Keep up the good work! <P>Karen<BR>

zen:<P>You are doing a remarkable job. And the Plan A does seem to be having an impact. Remember, this is not a sprint ... it is a marathon.<P>Hmmm ... does that make MarriageBuilders the Gatorade you drink along the way?<P>Take heart, my friend, tomorrow is yet another day.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<P>[ps: If you find an agent, let me know: I need one too.]<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 15, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SeenTheLight:<BR><B>Remember, this is not a sprint ... it is a marathon.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wise words.<P>Who knows what's inside her head? It doesn't matter. You know what's inside yours.<P>Keep doing what you're doing. The separation will be tough. Don't let it make you mean.<P>WAT

<B>Also told her I would never "argue" with her again over ANYTHING.</B><BR>Be VERY, VERY selective when using the words “never & “always.”<P>It is very easy to want to say ANYTHING to make it all better, but...<P>For instance, if she says, “I want a divorce & I want everything. Kids, child support, house, your retirement, alimony, etc. then there will be no argument on your part? Doubtful.<P>Show her by action, not words. Much stronger.<BR>You won’t argue, even with an attorney?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A><p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited July 16, 2001).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by SeenTheLight:<BR>[B]zen:<P>You are doing a remarkable job. And the Plan A does seem to be having an impact. Remember, this is not a sprint ... it is a marathon.<P>Boy that's the truth...and remember two steps forward and one step back is still progress.<BR>