Well its finally happening, I read all the books and have planed A during the last month or so with a few minor LB's. What I'm realizing is that I now having trouble being near her. All I see is the love letters, cell phone, lies and indifference and deceit. Being with her or near her is now an effort. This morning I looked at her and saw my wife getting older and just hard. She used to be very soft now she is indifferent and bitter. I do try to be comforting and on the other hand realize it wasn't me that had two affairs, it was she and she is still fully in the second one. Plan A is very hard and I'm losing my love for her. I can't find the woman I married any more she is gone, maybe for a brief moment or so she surfaces then is gone again. What’s also interesting is she hasn't told her family that she has retained a divorce attorney yet, why? Its like she is hiding that from her family as well. She will be coming home soon with two of our children, but I really wish she would just move out and live on her own or with the OM that is destroying our family. She now is getting calls from her divorced friends more frequently, they smell blood and as we all know misery loves company. I fell sorry for her and our family. She lost her balance three years ago when the other affair ended after two years of deceit. Now I'm losing whatever love I still have for her, all I see is betrayal. She is cold and indifferent with very little concern as to how her children and husband are dealing with this. What should I do now and how should I handle this.

Dear Adamsol,<P>More support is coming. For the immediate moment, you are right to come here. You need a shot of MB in your right shoulder and your left. Cross both arms over each shoulder and feel the huggs from all of us here. <P>Adam, you need to protect what love you may still have for your real wife. You said you feel that she is not really with you? Are you ready to ask her to move out? Or is she waiting until it is convenient for her? You do not have to run your life and that of your children for her A's convenience. If she has not told anyone, do you feel you need to for your support? This could be a dangerous question and a lot of it depends on how you are received by those you tell. <P>If you do choose to tell, chose carefully and wisely. All those I told I also told them to please respect my decisions. I have not up to this time had to repeat my request. I still have their support. Even though they may be fed up with H. I did not tell everyone everything. I have been selective. I have tried to be careful. But I did not try to accomodate my H's feelings on not telling anyone anything. I did it for my support not his. H had the OW who was more than anyone should have to handle. Also I was not the one having the A. <P>Think about plan B, read up on it and make sure you undertand the ramifications. Right now though you are hurting. Try to go and do something nice for your family today. <P>More info will come in to give you more food for thought. Right now if you can hold on to this little piece of advice, you will make it til better assistance comes. <P>Hang tough and take care, <BR>L.<BR>

Adamsol,<P>Doing a Plan A while your spouse is still carrying on the affair is very difficult at best. You have lasted longer then most people in this situation can. Perhaps it is time for Plan B.<P>Will your wife move out? Have you asked her to please do so?<P>Z <BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

That s not happening, at least not yet. I know she should leave it would be the right thing to do. But remember this whole situation is about doing the wrong thing and making the wrong decisions. Can I do a plan b while she is in the house? I would think that she would want to move in with the OM. I would love to get her out of this house and give my kids and myself a well-earned break. Thanks for your advice....everyone

The way you are going to resolve this situation is to show her that you are releasing her from her marriage vows by filing for divorce. At the same time you will be getting off the emotional rollercoaster ride and moving on with your life. The fact that she had and is on her second affair should be a reality check for you as to her degree of commitment to you and this marriage. Plan D makes more sense with the kind of situation that you are in.