My son's 13th birthday is approaching. Anybody got any ideas on the best way to navigate this during Plan B? I refuse to compromise Plan B rules.<P>My initial conclusion is to propose separate observances for my wife and I. Given the likelihood she'll be working a 12 hour shift that day, she may be willing to do the birthday stuff on the following or preceding weekend.<P>Believe it or else dept: OM's younger daughter is also 13 on the same day.<P>WAT

When I read the title to your thread, that was my immediate thought, to have separate birthday celebrations. Totally macabre about OM's daughter's birthday!<P>Nell <P>------------------<BR>If I listened long enough to you<BR>I'd find a way to believe that it's all true<BR>Knowing that you lied straight faced while I cried<BR>Still I look to find a reason to believe<BR>--Rod Stewart & Tim Hardin

Hey WAT..<BR>Yeah, I think you answered your own question. Separate birthday celebrations would be the only way to truly preserve Plan B. I think you're doing the right thing. But as a side note, how is your son with all this? Is he going to be disappointed that mom and dad aren't coming together for his b-day? What kind of thing would he like? It is unfortunate your wife has created a situation like this.... You might have to deal with his emotions as well.

WAT,<P>That’s how I’ve been handling my son’s b-day with XH since our breakup 4 years ago. It works fine.<P>Z

I would ask your son how he feels.<BR>I know boys and girls are different but when my daughter turned 13 it was such a big deal to her and she wanted her father here too and she hadn't seen him in over 9 yrs but I put aside how I felt and he came and she had a fairly descent birthday, the exception being that his wife also came and she is without a doubt a psycho witch from down below.<BR>I think as adults with childen we should be able to put aside certain things to make thier day special for them. If you honestly don't think there's anyway you and your wpouse can't be civil to one another then seperate would be the only answer but make sure it isn't something that is gonna hurt your son.

Thanks Nell and jenni.<P>Jenni - yes, I am very concerned about the affect of Plan B, not to mention the affect of the whole affair, on my son. As you can imagine, my wife has been no more forthcoming to him than she's been to me. She has convinced him that what she's doing is necessary because she doesn't love me anymore and, of course, she and OM are just friends. I don't know much about the current status of the "friendship" but they don't live together.<P>We've done virtually nothing as a family since Christmas, so I don't think he'll be too surprised that we're not together on his birthday. He may even like having two cakes. Leading up to Plan B I made a concerted effort to try to get her to join us for dinner, etc, to no avail. <Son> was aware of this, but I don't know how disappointed he was. My wife has done an excellent job of downplaying the whole ordeal - apparently to herself as well.<P>WAT

To soften any negative feelings your son may have, you can offer to have a totally boys party. You know something like laser tag, sports type party, or a day out on the boat. This often gets the lightbulb on for mine.<P>the shared birthdate is just sooooo touching......