Here's a question I am perplexed by. My WS has been home since end of March. I have been in Plan A and working on the marriage. She has become more comfortable but she will not sleep in the same bed as me, and needless to say we have not been intimate since Oct of last year ( PA began in Sept, a week after our anniversary). I believe it's over and I don't believe any contact has taken place. Last month she stopped taking Birth Control Pills, although she hasn't told me that, I found out on my own. I am trying to figure out why? Does this mean she doesn't want me anymore? Anyone have any thoughts on this ?

Well, being a guy, I don't understand all the potential bad effects of birth control on female plumbing, but maybe you shouldn't ignore the obvious answer: she wants to have a baby.<P>WAT

Thanks, I considered that. We had talked about that prior to the A, and I was looking forward to it. But If she does why does she continue to sleep apart from me. Why doesn't she want to talk about anything( I told her I would wait for her to feel comfortable with it before we talked, We haven't had any discussion about anything since the beginning of April.) She just started a new job she loves. Am I wrong to be hesitant to think she wants a baby and am I wrong to question having one at this stage, when I don't know where this is going, is a bit irresponsible ?<BR>

This is a very personal thing of course, but I would say it's VERY irresponsible to bring a child into a not-yet-recovered marriage.<P>The fact that you and her can't discuss this speaks volumes. At some point in your recovery you HAVE to implement Radical Honesty.<P>WAT

Maybe since she isn't having sex with anyone she just didn't see a need to continue taking birth control pills given thier side effects.<BR>Maybe she's also thinking down the road. I do believe that some docs suggest being off them for some time before trying to conceive.<BR>Maybe you might want to just ask her.<BR>

I agree with Shedawg. My doctor told me a minimum of six months off the pills before a baby. Not going to happen. But that was what I was told. Maybe she doesn't feel the need to risk her health right now because she doesn't need the pills if she is not having sex. I would take this as a good sign.

I know we need to have discussions about all of this, I just don't want to break my promise of not talking about it until she's comfortable. I also think from a health standpoint it's a good thing. I just don't know why she didn't tell me she was doing it, and why she doesn't wnat to sleep in the same bed. Anybody have any ideas on why and how I should bring this up ?

um... please don't shoot me... but I'd be very careful about talking to her about the BC. Is she currently pregnant? Did she just have an abortion? Are you ready to find those things out? I don't mean to be Mr. Gloom, but I want you to explore all avenues of this before you ask her. You need to... for you. I hope for the sake of all involved its what SheDawg eluded to. Good luck.

I don't think so, but how do I explore all aspects without asking ?

Is she depressed? Is she keeping to herself, more so now than she was before she came home to you? I don't know how to answer this. Not everyone has experienced the same things. I can answer your questions, most likely after you talk to her.. but that is something you didn't want to do. I didn't mean to make you jump to thinking she was any of these things. Spouses come home again and again only to your knowledge that nothing is going on and I want you to know that if that is going on, its going to be during these questions you ask about the BC, that you will most likely find out. You need to be in a place with yourself, before being hit with any discerning news. If your confident that she is being truthful with her contact, then I don't see why talking about a child in the future is something that would be a LB. I agree with what everyone has said so far. "K" use to tell me a very long time ago, the truth of things, and I always took him as being harsh. But in reality, he was right everytime. I never looked down on him for what he had to offer as advice to me... it just hurt to find out that what he told me was almost always the truth.<P>He's been there, and I have been there now. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask.

No, she is not keeping to herself. to the contrary, she seems to go out of her way to tell me where she's been and where's she's going and she spends most of her free time with ME. She looks me in the eye when talking, so unless she's really trying to mess up my mind., I think she's on the level, but after all this who knows

no, she is not keeping to herself. to the contrary, she seems to go out of her way to tell me where she's been and where's she's going and she spends most of her free time with ME. She looks me in the eye when talking, so unless she's really trying to mess up my mind., I think she's on the level, but after all this who knows<BR>

Mark... what happened with this?<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

H2U. We still have not talked about anything directly related to our problems. I have decided to wait until she has her new job review, which is coming up Monday. The mixed signals are hard to deal with at times, but I am hanging in there. She has talked about doing things together in the future, One of her coworkers Birthday parties is coming up and she asked if I wanted to go. The latest development has me a bit concerned. This morning, very early, Just as MY W was entering the driveway ( she works Graveyard shift) , the phone rang. Caller ID listed it as a Private number. When I answered, you guessed it Hang up. This is the second time in the last month this has happened. I am not usually out of the shower at this time, so maybe it's nothing or ... I really don't want to go there, but, as all BS's know I did. I just told my W that someone just called and hung up and she didn't seem to react to it at all. What do you all think ?

Mark.. I responded on your telephone call thread about the calls. Tomorrow.. put a phone in the shower area with you and see if she answers that call. Give her a min and then pick it up. Block the number by all means...