Well.....all is not well here.<BR>My H called Sunday morning to see how the girls were doing.<BR>I talked to him for several minutes and then brought up the subject of him not calling the girls on Saturday. He swore up and down that he didn't promise to call them.....but he did. He talked to our 2 youngest daughters and then asked to talk to our oldes.....she refused to talk to him.<BR>He of course wanted to know what I said to her to make her not want to talk to him.<BR>After this I took the girls over to his parents for Sunday dinner. While we were there the girls started asking why daddy wasn't there and how they wanted their dad.<BR>His father just totally blew up...couldn't handle it any longer. Called my H and told him to get his a$$ in there that they were going to have it out.<BR>I didn't think this was a good idea....but couldn't stop him.<BR>I took the girls on a walk and we stopped by the park so they wouldn't be there while this was all going on. I knew that there would be alot of yelling.<P>By the time the girls and I got back they weren't yelling anymore and we stayed in a different part of the house.<BR>His father called me back to where they were and I went back there reluctantly.<BR>My H said he couldn't look at me....didn't want to look at me.....said he couldn't stand the sight of me and that he hated me.<BR>He said that what has happened in the last 2 years is what makes him think that it won't work out....that he doesn't want it to work out.....all the time still denying that the OW is in the picture....the evidence in overwhelming that she is.<BR>His father told him that if he could walk out on his kids he might as well walk out on his parents too.<BR>We got into a discussion about our youngest one begging him to stay or take him with her....and this is where things got out of hand.<BR>My H actually talked as if he would split the girls up....taking our youngest if she wanted to go with him. I DON'T THINK SO!<BR>He asked if he could take her for the night....and I said no. I didn't think it was a wise decision.....didn't he think that it would confuse her more? She would think that he would take her everytime she did this....and how would the other 2 react? She's 3 yrs old.....she didn't understand what was going on...she just wants to be with her daddy....and her mommy. He kept asking her if she wanted to go stay with him....she' say yes....he asked if she wanted to stay with mommy....she'd say yes. She doesn't understand....this was making it worse.<BR>Needless to say he hates me more now because I wouldn't let him take her. The other 2 didn't want to go with him.<P>He would say confusing things like.....I can't stand the sight of you....I only tolerate you so I can see the kids....and then say...I'll go to counseling because maybe I'm wrong.<BR>Then his father asked what we could do to resolve this today and he said.....nothing today. We asked what would be different tomorrow...he said.....maybe I wouldn't be so mad.<BR>On one hand he would talk like he thought he'd like to work it out....then say he didn't think it would......going back and forth.<P>He admitted that he knew that the girls would never be happy without both of thier parents.....but says simply....I cannot live with that woman.....I can't even look at her. Where this came from.....I do not know. We have been getting along just fine. When he came over....he was the one asking me what I had been doing...what my plans where...and where I was when he had the girls......this from someone who can't stand me??<P>I think yesterday did it though.....I don't think he will ever want to work it out now.....no matter what.<BR>He's making this so much harder than what it should be....he's not willing to take any blame for anything....and to top it off.....I found out that this wasn't the 1st A that he'd had. He had a 1 night stand when I was pregnant with out 1st daughter.....it was said to hurt me.....it didn't.<P>I just don't know what to do. This is such a mess.

Prissy - I hope a former WS replies to this, but I think the immediate problem is that you and his parents are trying to reason with him. This may be impossible right now. This is why we joke about alien abductions and moose brain worms - nothing else makes sense.<P>Loads of LB'ing took place. Please consider getting back to Plan A. Offer a copy of SAA to his parents and ask them to understand that beating down the door won't work right now. A little oil on the hinges is what's needed.<P>WAT<p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited July 16, 2001).]

How did his parents get involved? <P>Here's my experience with that. My H went to my mom and told her his suspicions. He says he wanted her help. He thought I needed someone to talk to, and his idea was that if he started the conversation between me and my parents it would help everything.<P>WRONG. <P>It has caused a huge break in the relationship with me and my parents. I can't talk to them, I can hardly see them.<BR>We used to be close.<P>I am absolutely mortified. In doing the EN, its clear that admiration is of major importance to me. I have always been the pride and joy of my parents. I am devastated that he has revealed this information to them. And regardless of whether the affair was MY choice, it was HIS choice to tell my parents. <P>It has made me feel like its all of them against me. And it only strengthens my bond with OM, because he is supporting me through my depression over my loss of esteem in my parents eyes.<P>Don't know if any of this helps you.<BR>Hope so.<P>

((((((( Miss Priss )))))))))<P>What an awful day you had!!! I am so sorry that you are being thrown into another loop on this roller coaster ride.<P>The not being able to have rational thoughts thing that your H is doing.. well, he just proved it by what you wrote. He says he had a one night stand when you were pregnant with your first daughter? But he's blaming you for the last 2 yrs too? Your dd is much older than 2 now. IMO, he's just admitted that he's the one at fault.. but doesn't realize it.<P>I know what you mean about it being sad that the hurtful words don't hurt. But you know what that means? You're getting that much stronger! woohoo!!! <P>Your H is obviously still so deep in his fog, that trying to rationalize anything with him is impossible. It's the waiting for some fog clearance that makes it so hard.<P>I agree with WAT, in that you should tell his parents about SAA, and have them read it if you can. Your H needs them for support right now. If they continue to act like they did on Sunday, then he'll only blame you for taking his parents away from him (we all know that's not the case, but it sure won't make recovery easier).<P>I don't know what else to say. I only hope that these next few days will be good ones for you. Take care<P>Karen<BR>