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Joined: Apr 2001
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My WH told me that he was going to hand her the no-contact letter to the OW and agreed that let me sent out a copy via email to her in his behave to assure me that she did get it one way or another. I received a email from my Internet provider 6 hours later saying that someone( the OW, I think) has filed a complaint about I am sending threats and they are going to look into it. I did not know what’s going on at that time, according to my WH he gave her a copy of the letter by person.<P>Just find out that he never gave her that letter (he lied to me)!! When she asked him about the letter via my email, he told her that he has no part of it, he did not write it and he did not send it (he lied to her)!! All along she thought I sent that letter and she view it as a threat and take action towards it.<P>I am in shock, HOW CAN HE DID THIS TO ME???????? Put me in trouble and just wipe his hand clean. I asked him to at least tell her the truth and clear my name, he won’t do it. First he told me that he is thinking the letter is going to hurt her too much, that’s why he can not do it. I can see he is still waffling. I told him the whole thing is telling me that you are not going to break it up with her and I can not stand that, I will fill a D the next day. He cried and cried and say he want a life with me so bad. After I told him again - either clear my name or I go, I can not stand what he did to me,- then he call her and leave her a very vague massage “ I wrote that letter and shouldn’t blame it on my wife. I do want to break it up”. He will not sent her the letter now, even I ask him to fulfill his promise. He said “ She already got it from the email. When somebody is down, you don’t want to kick them again”.<P>They still work together as a team, but he told me that he is going to put in a change teammate request ASAP and looking for a new job at the meantime. But I am think about leaving him, just can not take it any more. How can he try to protect her feelings by choosing to hurt mine? Isn’t that a sign that he cares more about her than me? Why he want to be with me then? Most important, is the whole message clear enough to her that he want to break up with her??<P>I do not think I can be a good wife today and doing all the plan-A stuff. But it is also very sensitive time for him now, if I stop my effort, he might fall back to the fog land. What should I do??

Joined: Oct 2000
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ttl2,<P>Help him to send the letter. Let him know that because of the action he did not take, you now have to take actions to protect yourself from a potential lawsuit.<P>Go to the Post Office together and send the letter to the woman via certified mail. Be sure to keep a photocopy of the letter and make print-outs of the e-mail correspondence.<P>~A

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My WH is not willing to sent her the letter either by person or mail now. Because he said she will figure what he means and he will not hurt her anymore than he have to. The email I sent out for him already point out his decision clear to her.<BR>I try to give him a little push last night, but he just said he won't do it.<BR>Is it necessary for hom to sent the letter out? or should I just let the whole A dies down on it's own? What's the draw back on he is not willing to sent the letter by his own hand? Need your suggestions. Thanks!

Joined: Dec 2000
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You may not know me because I now post on the divorce forum. I do check in this forum everyonce in awhile.<P>I believe that your H is not ready to give up on his affair and that he is playing you. He is still confused with what he wants but isn't ready yet to burn any of his bridges. <P>I don't know your story but having been in your place and having read countless stories here I hate to tell you this but your marriage is still up in the air. <P>You can't wait for them to decide because they will just drag it all on and on. You need to be firm but loving. Tell him you love him but it is her or me. Is his job more important then your life together? This will not stop until you make him make a decision. If he makes it and doesn't keep his promises then I'd say to him, "don't let the door hit you in the [censored]" until he can get his head together. I may sound really brass but I have been there done that for two years and I put up with way more crap then I should have and it got me knowhere. I'm not saying to give up on your marriage yet just take care of yourself.<P>Jill

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Thanks for your adivce,Jill.<BR>It is sad that the thing did not work out for you. After getting the breaking up message from my WH by phone, the OW ask him a lot of questions at work today - why you want to break up with me?, did you really mean it?, why you can not tell me face to face?.......<P>According to my WH, he told her that he does not want to talk about it and that will be it( his way of no-contact). She stormed out when she did not get any answers.<BR>I tell him she is going to have more questions for him and get ready for it. If she is not willing to let it go easy, he will have to send her a real no-contact letter in person. Well we will see.<P>He made a decision (for now) that is staying with his wife and breaking up the A. I do not know if he will able to keep his promises, there have been too many lies. But all I can do at this time is seat back and watch.

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TTL2,<P>Boy this sounds and feels way to familar. Yeah all the stuff they tell us and then they go chicken in front of the OW. <P>TTL2, you may not be able to do much yourself and your H may not really be ready to come back. Have you read the letter from Trueheart? Can you let your H read it? It is a letter from Trueheart a man who was the WS, he wrote it at my request to all WS esp H's out there. Since these are not your thoughts but another man's he may give it some consideration. <P>Just my 2 cents. <P>L.<BR>

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dear Orchid, <BR>Thanks for your reply and hope things are better at your end. <P>I show my WH the letter K/Aeon Blue wrote to your H couple days ago(sorry without asking). It is beautiful, I really like it.<P>Would like to take on your advice and did a serch on the letter you are talking about, but can not come up with anything. Can you give me some more info. on it that will help my search. I seems remember seeing it, but can not recall.<BR>Thank you!!


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