I'm going to do the Reader's Digest version here...I have been married for 17 years. My wife and I have two children. Three years ago I had an affair with a co-worker. My wife found out and the affair stopped. I have not had any contact with OW for almost three years. My wife decided to remain in the marriage. During the next two years we did not seek counselling nor did we (me specifically) make significant changes in our relationship and old relating habits soon resurrected themselves. My wife warned me that I was loosing her. Then last fall she sought out an extramarital relationship. I found out about it this past winter. We have been in limbo ever since. She states that there was only one sexual encounter. She contiued to see OM on occasion when opportunities were made available (OM lives a couple of hours away) and speaks with OM fairly regular on the phone during her work day or at home when I am out. Regarding our marriage, she wants a separation. I have, over the past 3 months since she has made this request, moved out on two occasions for a total of 2 months. Each time I moved back in it was a result of me finding out that she had continued contact with OM despite her statements to the contrary. I felt like the fool. I moved out to satisfy her and she continues the relationship right under my nose. She continues to desire a separation. I feel pinned. I do not want to destroy any prospect of a reconciliation but I can't leave my children and live in a motel room. I truly love my wife. I can feel & see the toll that this stress has taken on her and likewise the effects that this has had on me. Looking for some advice.

Have you two gone over the Emotional Needs questionnaire together? And the Love Buster Questionnaire is also a good start because you can't fulfill each other's needs if you don't know what they are?<P>Although we have not had any affairs in our marriage, these two questionnaires have helped us learn so much about each other that we didn't even need to seek counseling.<P>It's a start! And a good one that could save your marriage! Good luck!