H is coming over tonight to do something for me at home. He hasn't been at our house since he moved out 4 weeks ago. He won't break contact ("friendship") with OW. I am plan A'ing as much as possible. Often I end up in my "hurting" or "begging" mode, although I am doing much better. I am so nervous about seeing him - especially in our house. I get so nervous in this game - I hate playing. I get torn between trying to be cautious and stand up for myself and not get emotional, and doing a good PLan A. I want to say the right things. <P>I just need a little boost from you guys - to encourage me how to Plan A without getting emotional tonight while he's there. If he says something hurtful. Or if I start to feel the hurt when he leaves tonight, or if I suddenly think about how much I miss him. Or if I feel the urge to beg, lecture or otherwise try to convince him to come home. <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

I wish I had the answers for you......all i can say is I've been there.<P>Since we have children it seems to be much easier for me....I keep telling myself that this is his time with the kids and I will not do anything to ruin it for them. By taking time away from their dad so I can talk to him.<P>I do all my messing up on the phone. It's much easier for him to lie that way I've discovered....he doesn't have to look at me.<P>Sorry I don't have anything else to offer.....just letting you know that I've been there.....still there sometimes.<P>(((((HUGS)))))

You know my H said last night that 'this' was not a game when I made an analogy to the effect that he was holding all the cards in this situation and I didn't have enough to play...<P>And, he was right, this is not a game...it is real...with all the talk of plan A, plan B, EN's, LB's it can start to feel like a game.<P>Be yourself, but MORE yourself...keep things light and casual. It is only when one of us brings up 'stuff' that my H starts to withdraw.<P>I even made a joke today that he chuckled at...I rented a movie for him to watch on Sunday...he asked for something violent so I got <I> Payback </I> with Mel Gibson...come to find out he's watched it already...a few times . So today he points out that it is on Showtime...so I say, "Great, just rub it in why don't you." (in a light, friendly, airy tone.) He actually chuckled...<P>Anyway, I digressed...Keep it light, friendly, airy. Avoid 'dangerous' topics...think about the topics you talked about before that you enjoyed...<P>Hugs, Prayers, and Good Luck...<P>Cali

Faith,<P>Some on posted here a while back (and I wish I could find that post to remember it all) but it started:<P>Plan A smile on? Check<P>Plan A attitude? Check<P>There were 2 more lines and 2 more checks.<P>It has helped me so much. Has become a mantra of sorts. <P>Just keep that in your mind and as others have said keep it light.<P>Good Luck,<P>R

Thank you so much! I feel better now. But now, he has called and cancelled - something came up at work. I'm not surprised - 'tis a normal thing for him. I'm telling you that, but I was so sweet and understading to him on the phone. But he will probably come tomorrow, and I will have all my "checks" in place. I wonder if I can find that post? I'll try a search and see.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

well, he came and went tonight. But I think overall it went ok. Of course, I was hoping that he would say - "it's so nice to see you! It's so nice to be home. I'm going to move back home. Thank you for loving me and believing in me - I want to be with you forever." <P>hey I can dream can't I?<P>I didn't LB - I don't think - although he could twist anything into an LB if he chooses to. No crying, begging, lecturing, anger, judgement, sarcasm, nagging.... hey I guess that about covers it. We hugged and I told him on the way out, "you know I miss you. You know I miss ____. You know I love you." He said yes, I know, and we hugged. BTW, I haven't said anything about missing him physically in the month he's been gone... and I reminded him of some fun and special intimate times. I was so nervous, but I think it went ok. He smiled and remembered too - maybe he will think about it some more. <P>Well, usually I keep my posts pretty vague in case he lurks. But I don't think he does. If he does - he'll know me now. that's ok.<P>whew! made it through the visit. Keep on Plan A'ing.... I just wish things would hurry up and get resolved. I'm just not made for waiting. Guess that's what I'm learning... thanks for letting me vent a little... please pat me on the back for not LB'ing. Big accomplishment for me - I usually end up crying or preaching or both! and please offer any advice you see I might need at this point.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Faith,<P>I am so proud of you!!! You are right to be proud of yourself. Keep up the good work.<P>I completely understand your frustration on things not going any faster. I am an "instant gratification" kind of girl myself!<P>Just keep up the good work. Don't expect things to change TOO fast. And keep the faith!<P>R<P><BR>

Consider yourself hugged.<P>Consider yourself patted on the back.<P>Consider yourself encouraged.<P>Consider yourself boosted!<P>Now, forget the past and go forward. It seems to me that you have to trust God from moment to moment and not get too far into the future, because it is making you too nervous and confused and scared about what will happen. Keep trusting God every small step of the way and you will get to your destination--ALL HIS BLESSINGS!! Stay humble and God will exhalt you!

Thanks everyone. Thanks BINthere.. that is VERY good advice. I will be very smart and lucky to follow it. You are so right. Every step of the way... that is the hard part for me, but learning. I put way to much pressure on myself and on the little everyday details. I just don't want to do or say anything wrong - but so what if I do? right? I'm gonna make mistakes, then I'll just move forward! thank you.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Faith1:<P>Here's to you.....Pat on the back. <P>Something came to mind, as I read your post. You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar....Plan A. <P>Keep the LB's under control. Hugs and hope.<BR>Take care.<P>

Dear Faith1,<BR>Yeah! If we miss God, HE'LL find us! AND, He'll forgive us, pick us up, dust us off, and push us out there to tackle more opportunities to trust Him over and over again!<P>Listen to this quote (by Mother Theresa, I believe?):<P>People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered--love them anyway.<P>If you do good people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives--do good anyway.<P>If you are successful you will win false friends and true enemies--succeed anyway.<P>The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow--do good anyway.<P>Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable--be honest and frank anyway.<P>The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest minds--think big anyway.<P>People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs--fight for some underdog anyway.<P>What you spend hours building may be destroyed overnight--build anyway.<P>People really need help but may attack you if you help them--help people anyway.<P>Give the world the best you've got and you'll get kicked in the teeth--give the world the best you've got anyway.<BR>