why do i go on?<P>why do i take the anger...the pain....all the nasty things he says to me.<BR>i don't love you anymore...i'm not in love with you....i can't stand the sight of you....i hate you.<BR>why am i not able to believe these words enough to say....you're not worth it....it's over. why do i keep fighting....even though it looks as if my fighting will do no good?<BR>i want badly for these feelings i have for him to go away so i won't hurt like this anymore.<BR>why didn't he just leave the other day when he had the opportuntity?? why didn't he just up and leave.....he just sat there....the opportunity to go and end it all was there......but it took his anger to make him make the final decision.<BR>he did something terrible to our youngest daughter the other day.<BR>he was saying that if she begged him he would take her....and to prove his point he called her name and had to come into the room......he asked her....do you want to go bye bye with daddy....she said yes. she's 3 yrs old she thought they would go somewhere and come back in a little while. he then said....mommy says you can't....i hadn't said a word by the way.....she looked at me...started crying and ran out of the room. <BR>there was no way i could let her go with him after he did that to her....that was not a loving act from a parent....he hurt his own daughter to prove a point.<BR>he told our 10 yr old daughter that he couldn't stand her mommy anymore....she hates him more for that now.<BR>he never bothered to ask our 4 yr old if she wanted to go with him too.<BR>he says that i'm hurting him by keeping his children from him? HE's hurting himself....by hurting his children....by the things he's doing and saying to them.<BR>if i wanted to hurt him i wouldn't have taken so long to make my decision...i was thinking of the affects that it would have on the one he took....what she would do next time when he had to tell her that she couldn't go with him....and the other 2 who would think that their dad was trying to seperate them.<BR>i said no...i didn't think it was a good idea....wait until saturday when you can have all 3....that was it....that's all it took for him to decide to file for divorce.<P>now....because i didn't do what he wanted me to do he is filing. we will have to sell our house....the only home the girls have ever known because neither of us will be able to pay for it. the girls and i will be forced to move into an area of town that he despises. my oldest will have to change schools in her last year of elementary school. she is already too emotionally unstable to deal with all this.<BR>he thinks this is best for our children?<BR>he admitted that he knew his children wouldn't be happy without BOTH of their parents together.....yet he's willing and had done all of this.....and for what?<BR>i wish i knew.<P>someone please tell me where to go from here.....if i sign the divorce papers....i will be doing something i don't want to do....if i don't sign them.....he will be more angry with me.<BR>tell my why i still feel fight left in me....even after all the awful things he says.<BR>am i living in a fantasy land of my own....just not willing to accept it?<BR>

I had times where I wondered why I was fighting for my marriage too. And I will admit, part of it was so that I could have the control to end it if I wanted to.<P>You're overanalysing and trying to make sense of fogese. It's impossible to do that. But so is making ourselves stop thinking about it too (so it seems).<P>(((((( Miss Priss ))))))<P>Keep on sharing your feelings on here... I hope it's helping you to get them out.<P>Karen

If you are not willing to divorce your H, by no means should you sign anything related to the same. Contest the divorce if needed. By not agreeing to a divorce you will buy yourself some time that may allow him to come to his senses. <P>Perhaps you should move on to Plan B if the current situation is unsettling to you and your children. And, as we all know, Plan B is for the betterment of the BS when all other avenues of communication have been exhausted. You can find beneficial support and advise about Plan B here and in the Plan A/Plan B forum.<P>Hang in there honey........<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

I am going to speak for your children at this point...<BR>If possible go to Longevity.com--there are several articles on the effects of divorce on children...my H actually read and was glad to have read them...it helped both of us to see how to deal with each other IN FRONT and WITHIN HEARING of the kids.<P>You need to be very matter-of-fact with H and talk to him about what he is saying to his children. I can tell you from first hand experience when my parents divorced they continued to say things about each other; my stepparents even said stuff about my parents...I can tell you it destroyed a part of me each time...<P>YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR CHILDREN OUT OF THE MIDDLE. Your interactions with H should be out of sound and sight of children. I know it is hard, but try not to be despondent around them...they will mirror you.<P>(That is why I got so MAD at my H when he accused me of doing these things...I KNOW HOW CAREFUL I AM BEING!...see the more things change, the more they stay the same post.)<P>I am going to share a poem with you:<P><I>Angry voices<BR>echo from the past.<BR>Hurting words,<BR>like stones,<BR>are flung back and forth.<BR>It's an obscene game<BR>they play--<BR>Tearing each other apart<BR>and I'm caught<BR>between them,<BR>A pawn moved at whim.<BR>I've cried an ocean<BR>Yet--<BR>Still,<BR>I cry inside<BR>Each time<BR>The duel between <BR>the two of them<BR>Begins. </I><P>My parents divorced in 1973 when I was 10. I wrote this poem in 1983, when I was in college @ age 20...Even today they 'talk' about each other and there is an echo of rancor. I was even 'relieved' in 1989, when I married, that my mom, because of personal circumstances, couldn't be at the wedding...CAN YOU IMAGINE??? The thought of both my parents in the same room is still frightening...<P>Please, Miss Priss, for the sake of your children, help them through this. Protect them. They will still react (mine do), but you will have peace of mind that YOU have done everything in your power to help them.<P>I pray that your H will stop saying these hurtful things....<P>Hugs and Prayers,<BR>Cali

MP,<P>Smoke and talk. Until those papers are in your hand, it is smoke and talk. Remember that. Even then it is not irreversable. It is your choice to sign not his. <P>Let him see what he is doing to you and the girls. Let them see what he is doing to them and you. You are already there looking towards the future and based on his logic it is tearing you up. Stop. <P>Don't put yourself through this frustration and go on a rollercoaster ride that you have no control over. Let him bring all his words to reality. Keep being good to him, your children and yourself. Keep your self respect and set your boundaries. <P>Let him prove to you what kind of man he is. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>