Hello I am new here can anyone offer any advice. I have just found out that H still cares for me but no longer loves me (hasn't for a year or more) I am a bit confused we have decided to give things a few months to see if his feelings change. I am trying to be the best I can I have treid to talk I have sent email notes asking different things but never recieve a reply not even any acknowledgement that I have sent them. My question is that if no effort (there is no one else involved here) goes into us spending any time together how can things ever improve???<BR>Surely he isn't going to one day jump up & say I love you if things remain as they are at present. My other question is we still sleep together if he doesn't love me why does he still want to have sex with me & if I am a willing partener in this why would his feelings ever want to change can anyone offer any advise here I can still see this going on for the next couple of yrs.<BR>Hangin on

<BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><B>ABOUT YOUR POST</B>: Yes, it's short, and yes, we could use a bit more info... but, I have to ask... you say there isn nobody else. Are you 100% sure? Because this kind of attitude, sadly enough, is often one of the final "signs" of an extramarital affair. <P>Whether it is or not, Plan A (read the link above just by clicking on it) will be GREAT for you, and hopefully, for your marriage.<P>Also, check out the Emotional Needs, and see if you can print the questionnaire, and find out your H's needs. Then MEET THEM!!<P>Again, welcome! <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Welcome, and the best thing you can do it read the MB web-site for Dr. Harley's principles, and read lots of these posts. I sure don't want to lead you in the wrong direction, but my H gave me this speech 9 weeks ago, and turns out he was in the middle of an EA at the time. I didn't react the way I should have - e-mailing, crying, begging, trying to get him to work this out... his EA developed into a PA. (emotional Affair and Physical Affair). Now we're in a big mess. Please read everything you can about Plan A, affairs, emotional needs, etc., so that you can react to your H the best way possible, and be prepared if more details come out about why he is acting this way. Even if he is not in an affair of any kind, these principles will help you get on track and answer some of your questions.<P>The question about him wanting sex is a basic difference between men and women. Women usually need love in order to have and enjoy sex. Men don't need emotion - it can be only physical for them. BUT PLEASE don't believe your H doesn't love you anymore. He does, or he would've already done something about it. Don't argue with him about it, but just don't believe it. ok? Please read and learn.<P>And keep doing what your name says - Hang on! We're here for you.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Hi HanginOn:<P>I won't repeat the good advise and references to the reading material you've already been given to give you some idea of what is going on in your marriage. I think when we first come here we are so confused and upset that we want to get some immediate answers to "fix" things.<P>Doesn't work that way usually...sad to say. <P>Nyneve's right that this does sound like a classic WH involved in EA situation...but even if it isn't the principles are the same...something has cause your H to decide he doesn't love you anymore...and he really probably just "needs" to think that right now...to work his way through what he's going through. Reading the material here will give you some exposure to failing to meet emotional needs which could be at the root of the problem...as is often the case where a marriage has gone sour.<P>Don't give up hope...none of this is written in stone...his feelings can change...with MB and your willingness to change.<P>Welcome to MB...stay awhile, read and post alot...you'll learn a lot in the process.<P>Faye