I'm done....I'm throwing in the towel.<BR>I can no longer fight for someone who does not love me.<BR>I can no longer put my children through this.<BR>I can no longer sit around waiting for him to make a decision.<P>It's too hard.....he's made his choice.....I've told him I will give him his divorce.<P>I've told him that I love him with everything that I have.....but I'm letting him go....I'm not sure that he is worth fighting for anymore....he's not the person I married.<BR>I've told him that he will regret his decision....but I will not regret mine....because I know that I DID do everything that I could do to save this marriage.<BR>He just wants out....he cares about me as a friend....but has no love for me at all.<BR>I've told him that I am always here for him....and will hold the memories that we have made together dear to my heart. That no matter what he needs to talk about....he can call me day or night......when he's hurt or down....I'm here.....but I can no longer fight for someone that does not see me for who I am....does not recognize the love that I have for him....and does not return it.<BR>I feel a little relieved in doing this.....but my heart still aches....knowing that it's over.<BR>He says he may regret it.....and may fall back in love with me.....but right now he doesn't love me enough to stay with me.....even for the kids. I don't really understand that....but it's something I have to accept.<P>I have wished....I have prayed....and I have hoped.......but it's gotten me nowhere.

If you are really sure that this is what you have to do, then do it. I am so sorry he has worn you out so much. Perhaps you need to jump into plan B instead? It's like a preface to divorce anyways, so it may get him realizing how it will truly be.<P>I feel so bad for your girls. They didn't deserve to go through any of this. And although it's your H whom I hope pays the price for his actions, I'm afraid it will be the girls who will instead. DAMN HIM!!! For their sake I sure hope he gets out of his fog soon... even little bits at a time help. <P>(((((( Miss Priss )))))))<P>Have yourself a good cry tonight. Let it out. Keep venting on here if you need to. I'll be here for at least another hour yet, so I'll be here to listen for sure.<P>Karen<BR>

Hi,<P>If I remember correctly, from my "out of the blue" thread, you found out about your H's affair three months ago? Is that right?<P>If that's true... then this is a dip in the ride... and you mustn't give up too quickly.<P>I do understand your pain, and wrote a thread entitled, "Throwing in the towel"... and come to think of it, my ex did too! Boy, we all share these emotions at one time or the other, don't we?<P>If it truly is time, and you really and truly can't fight, then I wish you peace in your decision.<P>Take care of yourself and your children, and best wishes...

Hi Miss Priss:<P>Sorry, no one is allowed to throw in the towel until I do...if I can keep going after five years (off and on) and two separations, then so can you. <P>Seriously, anyone who been at this for any length of time goes through these periods of doubt about whether there is any reason to continue this insanity. But it's cyclic, tomorrow things may look entirely different to you...well, maybe not encouraging but semi-tolerable for a little while longer.<P>Sometimes I think it is good to back off and take a little time to re-coop...let WH sink or swim by himself for a change..take the focus off of him and live your life for a change. All the emphasis on "how he feels" or "what he feels" or "who he loves" can grow very tiresome. Time for "what and how you feel for a change." Life didn't quit on you just because he did...it's still out there...and it's good and it's time you reminded yourself of that.<P>Faye<BR>

I to am about to toss in this towel. I'm sick and tired of the pain, the lies, the excuses, the games.<P>I truly wish the OM would 'disappear' somehow, someway. This mess is just stomach turning. I'm going to be sick.<P>I'm with you on this. For tonight anyhow.<P>H2u<p>[This message has been edited by Husband2you (edited July 17, 2001).]

((((((((Miss Priss)))))))))....<P>I really and truly understand your pain and exhaustion - this is such a hard thing to cope with. You need time out, and I think Plan B is the best idea. I've been going 3 months since d-day too, and almost 2 weeks ago, I hit the point where you are at now, I was just too exhausted to carry on fighting anymore. I went to Plan B and it was the best thing I could have done at that point - it was such a relief! Please think about it....you have nothing to lose by going to Plan B, and everything to gain. Just let everything slide, let it go....spend the time focussing on YOU.<P>many hugs, Paint.

I'm separated for 7 months now. I have felt many times like giving up and throwing in the towel. I have been tired of this mess and even of life. I have met my wife once during our separation and had to realize that if I had met her this way the first time we met, I would have never fallen in love with her. So after this meeting I came home and was glad I'm not with her. I thought I'm over with it, because she wasn't really attractive to me anymore like this. Guess what, the next morning I woke up, full of love for her. Where did that come from? I don't know. I have felt many times like giving up, but so far hope for our marriage and love for her always returned to me and it's not something I can control.<BR>I didn't want this mess to happen. Never. But the fact is, that my wife wasn't happy, because I didn't love her as I promised I would. I neglected her and didn't meet her needs. It is still her decision to be unfaithful. I face agony and untold pain. I didn't ask for it, I was confronted with it. Nobody asked me: Would you mind your wife having an affair and leaving you? But here I am. It happenend and I have to deal with it. Is it fair? No. Many things in this life are not fair. My responsibility is how to deal with those situations. I can't flee the agony and the pain. That's a fact. If this separation goes on it means agony. If we divorce it means agony, and even if she should return, the agony will still be there for quite a while. There is no easy way out. Giving up and throwing in the towel will not help, because the pain won't disappear. What can we do then? Face the pain, not avoiding it. It helps me to remind myself of the many times I failed as a husband. It helps me to work on becoming a better person. It helps to be around people that encourage and understand the pain. It helps to remind myself that many marriages that have been in this bad state survived, got healed and restored. What helps me most, is to know that God is in control of everything and that I can put my trust in Him, no matter what the outcome will be. It is a struggle and will be for quite a while. There are the good days and there are the bad days. It is comforting to experience deep peaceful joy in the midst of all this pain. It doesn't happen everyday, but more and more. It is surprising. I realize that even if I would throw in the towel it wouldn't change anything. Don't let yourself be driven to anything by emotions. One thing I realized in the past months, is that I can't trust my own feelings. they can be very much self destructing.<BR>Many words, bottom line: Let yourself fall in the arms of God and expect Him to give you hope, faith and love for your marriage and your spouse. He can and will do that. There is hope and you can grow more than you ever have through this painful experience.<P>peace be with you<P>mike

I'm not really sure what I'm doing at this point.<BR>I cannot hang on to someone that doesn't want me. He has made it VERY clear that he doesn't want me.<BR>He knows he is taking the chance that his children will hate him in the future....our oldest is aleady showing signs of it. <BR>As soon as I told him that I wasn't fighting anymore.....but that I loved him and would always be here for him....the anger left his voice.....until I asked him if he was sure this was what he wanted......he refuses to talk about any kind of reconciliation at all.<BR>He won't hold off on filing until after our daughters surgery is completed for some reason. I can't believe he wants us to go through a divorce while all this is going on. I'm not sure why he wants out so badly.<BR>He says that he KNOWS everything will be ok.....as long as I don't contest anything....just make it easy. He told me that if I contest....that he would probably fight for custody of the girls....and that he supposedly has a lawyer who can get him custody if he wants it.<BR>He knows that I will not be able to go on without my daughters.....I've dedicated my lofe to them over the last 10 years.....they are all I have left.<BR>So.....he has me where he wants me. If I sign....I'm doing something I really don't want to do....and if I don'tor if I contest it....he will be angry enough to fight for custody.<P>What to do....what to do.<BR>I don't want to throw in the towel.....but I don't have a choice. Plan B is out of the question right now.....we have to spend quite a bit of time together with our middle daughter with her Dr's appointments coming up....he plans to be there for every one of them.<P>