Our counselor keeps stressing to my H the need for total and complete honesty about his A with my former best friend. I don't hound him day and night but I do ask him things that are bothering me. I have to know some stuff to heal and put it behind me. The imagining is often much worse than reality.<P>Tonight I asked him something about what he did in MY bed with her and he said "Use your imagination." Can you believe it? I was so hurt and angry. I told him okay then, you don't want to know what I'm imagining.<P>He says he's willing to work on things but then he can be so insensitive. After lying for 6 years, I feel very little trust for him now. And then he says something stupid like that. I thought things were supposed to get better?

You are right with the imagining being worse than the reality, I agree. You have a right to be upset too. You have a right to hear the truth if you want to hear it. You also have to realize, and I know it's hard, that H is not wanting to hurt you and also not wanting to talk about it due to guilt most likely.<P>For me it took a while to understand his point of view. Reading posts from WS's is how I finally figured it out before my H could talk with me about it as easily. Funny thing is now that he can talk about it easier I really don't need to anymore. Kinda ironic I guess.<P>The thing that helped me when I hit this wall with my H was to sit down, very, very calmly, and explain to him how I felt and how his answering these questions honestly will help me in the end, plus help him because it will help us rebuild trust and he won't need to worry about skeletons in the closet anymore. You can give that closet a thorough cleaning. When he responds expect the worst, and try above all to remain calm and thoughtful of his feelings as well to encourage him that this is positive and not just to slap him with later, you know?. No LB's.<P>