I have not been in contact with MM since he called and told me that he had such a wonderful vacation with W and kids and then asked about us still being friends. I will admit that even though things are going good with E, I have found myself thinking about MM more and more. I have been in his city visiting my father on a few occations but I never attempted to contact him while I was there. MM called me yesterday (I answered because it said "out of area" on the caller ID). He said he saw me on Thursday and he blew the horn and turned around and follwed me but I didn't stop. I didn't see him or hear a horn. I was probably in my own little world. It had to be divine intervention though because chances are, on that day, if I had seen him or noticed him folowing me, I would have stopped and talked to him. And that's BAD! MM told me that he missed me and still loved me and just all the stuff I wanted to hear, but know I SHOULDN'T want to hear...does that make sense? Today when I got home from school, there was another "out of area" call on the ID box. I don't want to get anything started again, but at the same time I feel myself weakening to the point where I've been thinking "it really would be nice to see him again" but I know that if we saw each other right now, it would turn into something more than inappropriate. I KNOW that's why I didn't see him last Thursday. Right now, I just don't know if I would be strong enough to tell him to back off again w/o revealing how I really feel. I've been contemplating calling his W now that she's had teh aby, but I'm not sure if I really want to do that either. It would just be so ...permanent. What do I do?!

I'll try to be nice here. Married men should be off limits no if's and's or but's. What do you gain from calling his wife? Stick to your guns, tell him to go away and find an AVAILABLE man who can give you real love and a real relationship. Just my opinion.

Ditto!!!<P>

What would I gain from telling his W? Well, I guess I wouldn't gain much...I just know that THAT would be a PERMANENT end to everything. If she knows, I believe he would truly do any and everything to get her to stay with him and not leave...and that would include not calling me anymore, which I have asked him to do before, he stuck with it for a while but HE broke the no contact. Even though I have thought about him, I have not tried to make contact with him at all, even when I was in the same city he was in and could have easily went to go see him at work. But maybe you're right. Maybe she really doesn't need to know.

Chances are his W does know or at the very least she suspects. There is no need to toss it into her face. There's one very easy solution...change and unlist your phone number. Cut off all contact and move on. Sorry to be so harsh but if you ever have the need to try rebuilding a marriage that's been broken by cheating, you'll understand. <BR>

it's not that easy to just "change my number". I live with my mom, stepdude, and little brother. The phone is in the stepdude's name so I have no authorization to change the number and they would not change the number just for that reason. Sorry. Also, when I move back to school, they publish campus phone books with names, dorm rooms, and dorm room phone numbers, and permanent address and phone numbers. Anyone can get one or call campus info to get the info.I've already done what I was supposed to do as far telling him not to contact me anymore but that hasn't worked for long. I can keep up my end of the bargain and no contact him, he's the one having a hard time comprehending. What else can I do? The phone thing is just not an option for me.

Don't call him or you start off at square one AGAIN! It wasn't fun last time and this time will be harder. A wife is not blind. My guess is that she already has a lot on her plate with the new baby etc... Don't be so sure that nothing will happen this time if the two of you reconnect.<BR>Buy a cheapo answering machine and start screening calls that don't identify themselves. If his call gets through, hang up when you realize its him. If you really want him to get the message that its over, then make sure you are consistant. You are a smart girl. I know that you already know these things and that they might just be hard for you to do. Stop talking to him - even hello. He will get the message.

I have an idea: What if you told MM that you were going to tell his W about the A if he didn't tell her about it first? I bet THAT would get him to leave you alone!<P>May God strengthen you! Think ahead, and imagine yourself as a wife and a mom living with your dream man. Now imagine the type of marriage that you want to have. Plant good seeds for your future in this situation. You know the right thing to do. It sounds like your conscience is talking to ya!

Thanks. I guess the threat of telling would suffice as much as actually telling. BUT as a contengincy plan, he knows that other than his home number, I have no way of knowing how to contact the W--especially since they moved. What if HE changes there number so there's NO way to tell? NEvermind. If he calls again today, I will tell him that if he wants to stay in contact with me, he needs to tell his W EVERYTHING and if not I will because I will not hide and sneak anymore, and if he doesn't want his wife to know, then do not contact me again. (Is that good enough or should I reword it?)

That sounds like you are still looking for a way to have contact. Whether you meant it that way or not.<BR>If you are truly trying to be free of him, get tuff. Don't speak any words to him. Hang up immediatley each and everytime he contacts you. When you move back to campus, if he continues to try and reach you tell him you will report him for harrassment.

RE: "will tell him that if he wants to stay in contact with me, he needs to tell his W EVERYTHING and if not I will because I will not hide and sneak anymore, and if he doesn't want his wife to know, then do not contact me again. (Is that good enough or should I reword it?)"<P>Did you hear what you are saying here? You are saying that you want to continue the affair!!!! Is this what you mean to say?<P>Try this... next time he calls, before he gets a word in say "I told you NO CONTACT. No not ever contact me again or I will tell you wife." Then hang up. Every time he calls just repeat "NO CONTACT" in his ear and hang up. If he tries to talk to you in person. Say "No Contact" and walk away. If he sends you a letter, send it to his wife.<P>Then if he keeps on attempting to contact you get a restraining order and inform his wife.<P>The only way to stop him calling you is for you to stop talking to him. Every time you talk to him you are encouraging him.<P>I know that when he calls you are caught off guard, so practice saying this over and over. Doing it in front of a mirror is a good technique. Practice it until it comes out automatically.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by zorweb (edited July 20, 2001).]

Don't you deserve better than some guy who's prepared to cheat on his wife and his children ?

This has been said to you before, but i guess it went in one ear and out the other. You do need professional counseling. You live to have drama, after drama, after drama. It isn't what men are bringing into your life, it's what you are attracting into your life. Then you whine about it, when you made the choice to include it into your world. You said that things are going well with with E, but still you think about contacting MM. There are a lot of people like you out here in the world, that want the rush and excitement of jumping off of a cliff, but then are truly suprised when the only place they end up is down!

Zorweb,<BR>No I didn't mean that I want to continue the affair. I really don't. I miss him, but I don't want to go back down that road again. Things are going well with E. I have told him about MM. He understands what it's like. So far, every time I have told him no contact has come to no avail. I'm not mad at him, I don't hate him, I just think I did what was best. I don't really want to get him into trouble with the police. I'm hoping that that the threat of doing so will be enough.<P>Trying2_4give:<BR>I almost responded to your post with the same harshness you exhibited but I elect to just let you know that I am human and I am going through a momentary lapse of strength. It happens. It's not that I'm hard headed and don't want to listen, I just am not always cold hearted and cannot be always coldhearted when it comes to someone I care about. You should know how that is, to be blindsided or have feelings you are of unsure of at times, or else you wouldn't need this site either. So before you are so quick to give a harsh word, please understand that I'm not a "nasty ogre OW monster" and that I am human and I make mistakes.

<BR>NOT the weakest link,<P>I understand exactly what you are saying.<P>My point is this: <P>The reason the no-contact has not worked is that he knows that if he keeps trying to reach you, eventually you are going to carry on a conversation with him. Even if that conversation is to tell him that you do not want contact with him.<P>My point is that you need to say nothing more then “No Contact”. Actually your best response is to hang up on him. This is not mean or harsh. It is how you train him to not contact you.<P>If you tell him: <P>“if he wants to stay in contact with me, he needs to tell his W EVERYTHING and if not I will because I will not hide and sneak anymore, and if he doesn't want his wife to know”<P>All he is going to hear is “she wants to “”stay in contact with me””. That is the message of what you were thinking about saying.<P>I think that what you really mean is that if he divorces his wife, then if you are still around, you might be interested his seeing him. But like you said he does not want a divorce.<P>You are in total control of enforcing the “no contact”.<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

"So before you are so quick to give a harsh word, please understand that I'm not a "nasty ogre OW monster" and that I am human and I make mistakes."<P>I see my words as harsh, I see them as reality. You have come here time and time again, talking about MM, about MM asking you to sleep with him while his wife in in the hospital, about your other man, who is seperated, has baby momma's drama going on, about him thinking of going back to his wife, etc, then you say things are going well for you and man. When you are asked your reasoning for coming here to MB, you simply state you need help with so and so. No one here is rude to you, or do they ignore you. You ask for opinions/help, you have been given it, it is your choice to look at your world and what you have in it. If it is rubbish, it needs to be cleaned, if you can live with the rubbish and not see that it is not best for your mental state of mind then it is your option to live as such. I don't know your age, and I hate to assume but it does sound that you are very young and very naive, especially when it comes to men. You give too much too soon with little given in return, this is by your own admission on a different thread. If you admit such things then why get upset when it is co-signed here. I belive what i said before stands true for you, you need professional counseling, there is nothing wrong with that at all, we all could use some outside help everyone once in a while, especially if there is a path of destruction that seems to become a pattern.