<p>[ January 10, 2002: Message edited by: LonelyAtNight ]</p>

Sorry seems so insignificant a word to say to someone who has worked so hard to save his marriage.<P>But right now it is the best that I can say.<P>I have followed your story closely for the past several months and I know you are much stronger for the effort.<P>Continue to use that strength to help yourself through the coming months...you know as well as I that there are truly better days ahead. <P>Best regards<P>E

WAT-I don't know what to say either. I cannot fathom what type of glasses your W is wearing that she cannot see what a wonderful man & H you are. Although you are the one who is feeling it right now, she will be losing HUGE if she goes thru with the D. I am thinking of you.

Thanks everyone for your terrific and reliable support.<P>I didn't sleep too well last night, but I'll be OK. "What a waste," is the thought that keeps going through my mind. If we didn't have our son, I could understand better her survival instinct to run. But then there's the other family kids who are devastated by having one so close stab their Mom in the back and turn from trusted confidant into a betraying monster. <P>How can an otherwise "normal" person be so inhumane? The answer can only be that she is so mentally screwed up that she cannot see the results of her behavior and the harm she is doing to her only remaining child. Yet, she can appear normal on a day-to-day basis. When the human mind goes haywire, it can really become unbelievable.<P>The alternative analysis is that I am the one screwed up and I cannot see what I've done. All my close friends and her sisters say this isn't true, but I contemplate it anyway.<P>Oh well. I remember a story about an old monarch who asked his wise man to recommend a wise statement equally useful in good times and in bad. His answer: "This too, shall pass."<P>Dave

Dave, do you remember what you told me when I first came to MB?? You said "it ain't over till it's over", and now I'm going to say the same thing to you. I'll also keep you in my prayers.<P>{{{{{{{{{DAVE}}}}}}}}}}}}

Dave, <BR>It's beyond your control or reasoning. I know that it's hard not to think about it for hours trying to figure out exactly what happened or how to fix it. Doing that will depress you even more or drive you crazy. There is no answer. The whole thing is absurd.<BR>One thing is for sure, when the dust settles she will realize certain effects of her affair. She may not admit knowing these things to you or anyonelse but she will see it.<BR>The best way to keep your sanity is not to question things over and over again. Continue to be the great dad and good man that you have been working so hard to be over this past year. Hopefully, she will have a moment of clarity where she sees what is real.<P>take care,<BR>cleo

WAT,<P>Do not over analyze at this point.<P>I am sure that neither of you were perfect in the past. But nothing you did, or did not do, deserves the treatment you are getting. I cannot help but think that something in her “broke”. She must be running so fast and hard from her pain that she cannot even see where she is running.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Z

WAT<P>Its ok to understand you made some mistakes, but you have to see and realize that you have done all you could, under the circumstances. The end result here is that you have made some great changes in you, realizations in who you are, and probably strengthened your relationship as a father! You cannot control your W actions. You only have control over you, and if you get lost in trying to understand her, you will lose all you have become. She has chosen a different path, albeit a negative one, from the sounds of things. She wants no responsibilities, nor will she accept any for what has happened. I know you hate to hear this, but the growth is all yours. She has chosen not to grow, but to go backwards. You may not have any choices but to move ahead. I think all the time that I wish I would have had this site when I, previously, went through my divorce from X. I was exactly where you are...what a waste!! <P>You have to see the person YOU are, not the one she is/has become. You have to focus on you and your son. I hate to sound all negative, but it sounds as though your path is headed in a different direction. I hope she comes to some sense of what she is doing, but if not, you will begin a new journey, and in time, the pain will lessen. In the meantime, we will all offer you all the support and prayers we can!! Have a good day my friend.<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

Hi WAT, I just got on again this morning and wanted to give you a big hug. <P><<<<<<<<WAT>>>>>>>>><P>I tend to agree with Whodat on this one. Keep contesting the divorce...<P>Good luck.<BR>Kim

Dave,<P>think of you. <P>don't blame this on Plan B, you knew this was coming, from what you have written your W will not back down, even knowing this, it is still not over. Keep being the wonderful guy that you are, remember your W is has major problems & you can only help her if she wants help.<P>Hope your son is all right.<P>Your W is the loser not you.<P>Now I have a dead rodent that the LB fairie could come & leave in some place for you..... I see the OM in this .....

You guys are amazing. Suffice to say I would not be in the good shape I'm in without this site and you wonderful folks. Every time one of us gets in a funk, the rally is truely heartwarming and uplifting.<BR> <BR>I hope to soon return to a frame of mind that allows me to keep giving back to others.<P>I have an appointment with Steve 7/24.<P>Dave

I guess if women do D the nice guts they regret it later.<P>It's natural that she should react in anger to your plan B.<BR>She's losing control. In my humble opinion I think you should contest the D, in a very calm way, and keep yourself distanced emotionally from her. Remember it's her turn to do something towards rebuilding your M. I say hang in there but don't appear overly eager.

Dave<P>It's always "worthatry". I am glad to say that after two long years my wife and I are finally getting back together and I have no doubt it will be for good. <P>Prior to our reconciliation however we had reached the stage of financial settlement all agreed through the courts (at much expense I might add). All that was left was for the finalisation of the divorce to take place. <P>Things changed dramatically with the situation regarding the OM and my wife and I now have now been dating for 3 months and are moving back in together next week.<P>I had given up all hope whatsoever on us ever achieving even being friends again, endured a 4 month Plan B where no contact took place and I had moved on and dated several women.<P>So all I can suggest is to turn up the stereo and keep listening to Jimmy Buffet but never give up hope as things can change dramatically when you least expect it.

inlimbo - thanks for the encouragement. After with Steve 8/8 I have a "calm" plan and I won't give up. Just got re-energized with some beach time, so I'm ready. Thanks again.<P>Dave (WAT)