I actually had my plan B letter sitting on the desk waiting for him to come over and get it today when he phoned and asked me out for lunch!<P>I just couldn't do it, especially since I tryed something different in my plan A last time he was here a few days ago. After reading 'Divorce Busting' I tryed the 180 degree turnaround (but still a plan A turnaround). I have always been overly eager to fix things and have him move back home. Last time he was here I was very casual, talking about MY future and not mentioning him. I told him about MY plans and carried on being busy with things while he was here instead of hovering around him like I usually do.I was friendly, but not overly so. <P>So we went for lunch and I remained cool. He stayed much longer than he has for a long time. I read the newspaper and let him do most of the talking. He brought up something I had said in one of my letters to him, which is the first time he's done that. It was something that made him mad but that's OK. At least he's talking about it.<P>I guess I just want to keep on in plan A for a little while anyway, but for those who are chasing after their spouses non-stop, maybe it's time to back off a little.Plan A is about working on ourselves and although it's difficult, I'm now realizing that he's probably been feeling controlled by my constant pursuit(you guys warned me not to phone him so much).<P>I'm a little hopeful, but I may not hear from him for awhile again. It's up to him now though.I'll still work on my changes but I will be doing it for me and not for him.<P>

Maezy...<P>Dont ya just hate when a good plan gets foiled?...LOL!!<P>Trueheart

Maezy,<P>Well, I know the feeling. I keep thinking I need to push my W a little. I was in the shower today and she just walked into the house - called my name, so I knew she was there. I was thinking that I needed to tell her "I don't have a key to your apt., so you shouldn't have a key to my house." Not that I mind really her walking in, but it seems like I need to set a boundary - to let her think a little that I'm not just ready to drop whatever I'm doing and go somewhere with her or just spend time with her whenever she deigns to allow it. But... she was so nice - and the baby looked really sweet. We came to show me the baby in a new dress that we bought yesterday. Then she called her Mom - wanted me to say "hi" so her Mom would know we were together. She's really afraid of her Mom jumping on her and telling her that she shouldn't throw away a good man etc. Anyway, she was real nice to me - talked like we would get back together. I didn't have the heart to ask for the house key. I've been thinking about asking for the credit (debit) card and checkbook and telling her to open her own account and I will send her a check each month - but I haven't had the heart to do that either. So... I know what you mean. It's hard.<P>-AD

MAEZY - you sound like you know EXACTLY what you're doing, so I refuse to screw it up by telling you something different! <P>Keep doing that pristine Plan A as long as you have the fortitude. Please, please, please - don't LB!! This way you're constantly ready to Plan B if you need to. Remember, for the switch to Plan B, you're looking for the BIGGEST about face you can offer - from kissing his butt one day, to total "no contact" the next. But, I hope you don't need this.<P>WAT

I agree with WAT, sounds like you did the right thing. Thanks for the advice. I too have noticed my H is alot more open when I am not pushing him one way or the other.<P>Keep it up. LOL<BR>HbH

MAEZY,<P>Read Dr Harley's articles on the stages of marriage. When you are in withdrawal, you have to gget back to conflict before you can get back to the loving stage. Anger and conflict, in this case, might be good - as you pointed out -he read your letter and was angry and wanted to discuss it. Anger is an emotion that keeps people connected. Withdrawal does nothing to keep people connected.<P>Back off and let him make his way back. Maybe he has a lot of things on his chest that he is holding inside that is a source of this anger. Let him work through it and you, too. Hopefully, it can serve to help you two to reconnect! Read that article!!!<P>Keep the faith, Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>