She has filed and hired a high priced atty. I am trying to get her to go down a aimicable path, as I cannot afford to give her support and hire an attyorney. She is talking about it and wants to see a proposal. Steve H thinks I should go to plan B now. Write the letter this weekend.<P>I feel if I go to plan B she will get mad and not fire her attroney. Then I will have to hire an attorney and not give her $$. Things are moving fast right now, I have until the 31st to respond.<P>Any advice?<P>JK

JK,<P>Plan B is for you to protect what love you have for your W. What reason & suggestions did Steve give? How do you feel. You have only provided the legal reasons. Plan B also deals with matters of the heart. Are you prepared for D vs. reconciliation? <P>Just some thoughts. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Hoping for an improved reaction from your W. What made her choose that attorney?<P>L.

JK - by "support" do you mean financial support? If so, what binds you to this support? A separation agreement?<P>If you're not legally separated or bound to pay the support, yank the support, hire an attorney to contest the divorce, and implement Plan B.<P>But this is based on very little info. More?<P>WAT

Thanks guys,<P>Orchid,<BR>To answer your questions: "What reason & suggestions did Steve give? How do you feel. You have only provided the legal reasons. Plan B also deals with matters of the heart. Are you prepared for D vs. reconciliation?"<P>Steve said ther is an arguement to implement Plan B now to give her a dose of reality. But to be sure she believes it is all about how painful this is. <P>The legal reasons are clear, I must protect myself. However if I don't give her money on the 1st, how will she feed the kids??<P>At this point I would perfer to reconcile but I am prepared for divorce. <P>I don't know what made her choose this Atty., but I do know he is one of the best in the county. <P>WAT,<BR>To answer your questions;<BR>"by "support" do you mean financial support? If so, what binds you to this support? A separation agreement?"<P>Yes financial support, no seperation agreement, I feel an obligation to provide for my children.<P>You requested more info. Can you be more specific?<P>JK<P><BR>

JK,<P>One hates to provide too much advice to something very sensitive and crucial, for fear of contributing to a downturn. But I'll just throw out ideas.<P>Before Plan B, I'd attempt to get her to agree to not going the lawyer route. Some will agree, some won't. But illustrate to her that lawyers are expensive, and you'd rather put the money towards family support than paying lawyers. I'm sure you've probably discussed this, but it would be nice if this could happen.<P>Plan B letters are not offensive, they are love letters, but there is, nevertheless, a fear of triggering the involvement of lawyers. It didn't cause any of that with my wife, but she has been amicable with legal issues all along (guilt and pride, among other things).<P>If she is pushing for divorce soon, then I would tend to agree that you move to Plan B so she finds out before the D what life will be like. She envisions you being friends (I think), so this would give her something to think about that she didn't anticipate. Continue to Plan A right up to Plan B though. It doesn't hurt to get the letter underway anyway, just to have it and get your thoughts out.<P>Keep us posted on what transpires.

JK...<P>You have some multiple issues going on here. I do agree that some support for the kids is necessary, if for no other reason, than your integrity, but you do not need to give 100% aid. If she can't handle it, the kids should be with you, until this is all over. <P>In terms of the legal stuff, I see two options. If you cannot afford an attorney, (and I have been that route, and lost everything because I was not protected), then you can simply ignore the 31st deadline, and she will file with the court. It will still take some time, but you can drag your feet. The other suggestion I have is to find a mediator...there are many that are counselors/mediators/negotiators in these cases. They bring couples to an amicable agreement. It takes several sessions for them to get background information, make suggestions as to how to save the marriage, if that is possible. And finally working out agreements that are amicable. You and W split the cost of the mediator, but more importantly, it takes more time since this person is experienced at counselling as well, and you can continue to work on saving things. Just a thought....I know a couple of friends that have used them, and in one case they reconciled, in the other, amicably split things and it went easier on the kids.<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

ditto Trueheart and Rick on the legal and financial aspects.<P>I can't remember the specifics of your story. Would you consider moving back in? With no current legal separation, you're not limited to anything.<P>Just don't sign anything without legal advice.<P>WAT

Guy's,<P>Good Stuff thanks,<P>WAT, We sold the house and she rented a ****box. I really don't want to live there. I would move back in with her in another place, only if she agreed to MB. <P> I have a attorney who will help me wiht the paperwork and defer fees until I can pay, he has do a few simple divorces however he is not a Divorce attorney.<P>If I use him I can buy time to implement plan B. <P>Rick 37, I can I borrow some stuff form your Plan B letter?<P>JK<P>

JK,<P>Borrow as much as you want. There are lots of other good ones too...search for Plan B in subject line, and you'll get a bunch. I borrowed lines from several.<BR>