Got of the phone with my W. Me and the boys are going to D to see her and the SC again this weekend. In a couple of hours.. I'm taking Monday off, so that I can look for a house and pick up some employment guides. <P>Now... she told me today during lunch.. on the phone, that she thinks that she wants to be alone. To continue her growth to find herself as she was doing before I screwed up and before the OM got there. She doesn't want to hurt either of us. She admitted to me that the OM does live with her and she had this same talk with him. She gave him 2 months, (I know) to find another place to live. I asked her how he took it and he is afraid of losing the baby. I think there's alot more that he is worried of losing. <P>Anyhow. I told my wife that I was coming there for my B'day and our Anniversary both on the 23rd. I asked her if she wanted to spend it with me. She really doesn't want to, she told me.<P>So, I told her that was fine, I'm not making her responsible for me and I'm going to the pre house/job search on Monday. She would have had to work anyhow, so I might as well. At least, I'll be there, in the same place and might get to at least do lunch with her. She already told me that her weekend is pretty full. She told me also that she didn't want to have to worry about my feelings all weekend as she did last weekend. Of course, last weekend was our 'revelations' to one another. So there is Honesty and Openness there to some extent. She could have lied about him even being there and I would have never known...but she didn't. Maybe it was a way to hurt me ... maybe it was a way to get me back for my stunt that I pulled at the beginning of June. <P>I feel so right about this.. I know that I need to go up there and make an appearance of stregth, courage, self respect and passionate about fixing me. I know I can do it, IF she has been honest to me up to this point. I'll practice my breathing as some of you recommend... <P>Any other ideas.. a gift for her on anniv?? Flowers, card.. anything? How to act, behave? I'll be staying in a hotel. I'll find me a kinkos so I can have access to a computer if I need anything <P>Leaving in 1 +/- hour... suggestions<P>Husband2You

How would she feel about a Bible? With her name imprinted on it?<P>Just a thought.<P>------------------<BR>DT<P>Stupid is as stupid does.

Don't smother... and don't cry, whine, grab, or touch in any way unless she does it first. Be STRONG!!<P>As far as a gift? Something small, and personal (that only you and she know would be best). A book, a piece of jewelry, not flowers, unless she's told you she LOVES flowers, but then be careful, because she might like them delivered, not brought to her doorstep. You must be VERY CAREFUL here... one false move... ya know?

How about just a nice "I Believe in You" friendship type card? Something that is no pressure?<P>A book recommendation for her being by herself and working on herself would be "Secrets of the Vine" (about $6 at Wal-Mart).<P>Cali

You certainly don't want to push her any further away and it seems as though she isn't ready to acknowledge the "anniversary package" that you mentioned. A nice lunch sounds like a more likely winner that won't have her running in the other direction. Woo her gently.....in baby steps. Your kindness of giving a gift may seem a bit aggressive at this point in time. Save your presents for later. Give her the gift of yourself in a controlled atmosphere where she doesn't feel threatened. <P>Have a safe trip and drop us a line......Godspeed to you and yours.<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

DT had a good one. But I'm analytical and sentimental so I'd have to recommend something from your past like new photo album with just old picture of the two of you having fun, or maybe old love letters, wedding trinkets. On the analytical side….a nice hand held mirror. <P>The only thing I could tell you is standard Anniversary type gifts would probably not be welcome.<BR>

Any words of caution... the OM, and .. visitation..?? One thing I am NOT going to do is let the boys go stay with her and the convicted felon... how do I go about this. I'll invite her to the hotel, ask her to maybe catch a movie with me and the boys.. visit with her at the house IF the OM is staying somewhere else, cause if it fails... I'll see you in the morning.

well what ever I give her... I have to be cautious.. cause the OM will destroy it. Should have seen the SAA book after I gave it to her... He puree'd it with his hands.<P>Right now she is wearing a silver ring with a unicorn on it.. and its from him.. She's wearing it on her ring finger.. (our rings are gone) but I bet I could find her a little silver dolphin... she LOVES dolphins and that might get that unicorn off her ring finger. :*(<P>h2y

Don't do anything that will push her away -- you wanna see your baby too, don't you? I know this is awful, but I would ask her to the hotel, movie, etc. but if she said no, I'd go to the house, OM there or not. It's YOUR wife and YOUR baby, you know? <P>You have to have a strong stomach to do it, but I think you can... <P>Remember... Plan A... don't hurt yourself, don't be a doormat, but allow her to see the "good" H2U... don't leave a bitter taste.

Jewelry sounds dangerous to me. Almost a subtle challenge.

nynve.. I can't do that to my sons.. the 6yo is terrified of him. Plus he and I have been physical with each other before. He always starts it.

Yes I want to see my baby who I raised up to the point that she left with him..

okay... anyone else.. I need to go PACK You know how us guys are.. open the trunk and through all the clothes in <P>Thanks for the help<P>h2y<p>[This message has been edited by Husband2you (edited July 20, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Husband2you:<BR><B>nynve.. I can't do that to my sons.. the 6yo is terrified of him. Plus he and I have been physical with each other before. He always starts it.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, that certainly makes a difference...<P>sigh<P>I can only reitterate what I've said... be careful, and understatement is the word of the day. One flower would be better than a bunch, and none would be better.<P>Do nothing that she doesn't do first -- no kisses, no hand holding, nothing. <P>This is a test -- you know that, right? Pass it... and STAY STRONG. <P>There is hope here... I see it. <P>

okay thanks Thank you everyone.. I'll check back right before I leave so feel free to go ahead.. 45 min and counting.. hehe I love packin <P>h2y

Good luck!!! And leave a little room in the trunk for her. LOL How else can you abduct her without one of WAT teleporters :}<P>

I hate to be the wet blanket in the group, but I am not sure I would give her anything at all. Might make her wonder a bit?? If she is wearing the ring OM gave her, and he is around and a physical felon, I guarandamntee you, she is not gonna piss him off by wearing it. I bet he searches her luggage, person, and kids to make sure there is no trace of you around. Maybe doing nothing, doing the unexpected is a different approach? Just a thought??<P>Trueheart

H2u- Don't know if this will get to you before you hit the road or not, maybe if you use a kinko's or use it next time.<P>I wouldn't suggest meeting at the hotel, OM may have a problem with this and not want her to see you at all. I understand you not wanting to go to her house. How about a park, so that the kids can play, you can see the baby, and maybe get some alone time (unexpectedly, while kids play)Good thought yeah?<P>Gifts--- is there a favorite kind of candy bar or ice cream that she likes? Maybe have one of these on hand and just say that you seen it at the gas station or whatever and it made you think of her. She will be happy that you remembered something so trival. Score some points where you can man!<P>Maybe take the boys by her place of employment on Monday to take her to get a burger with the boys before you leave to go home. How can she refuse to have lunch with her kids?<P>Keep a smile on your face, no matter what, stay away from OM!<P><BR>Safe travels. God's Blessings, Dawn

H2You...<P>No matter what you decide, and I have a feeling you will be thinking about it all the way there, right up till its time, we wish you a great trip...be safe and strong and happy!! Keep us updated!<P>Trueheart

Okay...Thank you very much.. I'm gonna call her right now and let her know we are leaving. <P>I'll behave.. ya'll hold the fort down for me.. I love you guys (general term meaning everyone in the group) ... be careful. Thanks for the quick input.. see you monday night with your hankerchiefs Gonna be a hard drive home. <P>Husband2You