Realitycheck,<P>I've been away from these boards for a while and read some of your "helpful" posts today. To serve my own curiosity, I ran a scan of all your posts too see if you've ever posted your story. I'm sure it is chalk full of Beneficial wisdom we could all use from an authority such as you. So please share it with us. I'm all ears (or eyes in this case) after reading these invaluable tidbits from your previous posts listed below.<P><B><P>***********************************************************<BR>posted June 26, 2001 11:57 PM <P>I think I got the posting right, so I'll now respond to my OWN message.<BR>1. CASCADE:<BR>If you've met someone you really love and who meets all of your needs, WHY are you asking the people on this site to validate that feeling? Why don't you just depend on your own common sense and good judgment? Why don't you do what YOU think is best? You know the details. You sound like an intelligent person.<BR>These anonymous people whom you've never met don't know you; they don't know your husband; nor do they know your Man. Yet they all jump in AUTOMATICALLY (did you notice that?) and tell you to LOSE the Man who is fulfilling all of your needs and making you happy. Did you expect them to give you any OTHER advice?<BR>You've heard the phrase: "Misery Loves Company". The people on this site are not out to help you, Cascade. They have but one goal, and that is to perpetuate losing, miserable marriages, at ALL costs. "True Love" is not in their vocabulary. KEEP IT IN YOURS!!! <BR>I say go with your inner voice and RUN, DON'T WALK, to your soulmate, the Man who makes you so happy. <BR>2. HUMBLEFISH:<BR>You have taken a real beating on this site. Everyone wants to dismiss your feelings because they want to judge you because they think you drink too much. Don't you know that the hostility recently directed toward you has nothing to do with the fact that maybe you drink too much, but REALLY has to do with the fact that you are the HATED and VILIFIED "Other Woman"? Do you really think these people are looking out for your best interests? Of course not. They hate the likes of people like you. So take what they say to you with a grain of salt.<BR>I hope you continue to post, because I enjoy your perspective on the misconceptions these people perpetuate regarding the so-called "care-free life" of single people, vs. the so-called "serious" life of married people, and because I think, despite all the controversy you stir, you make some DAMN good points!<BR>Take Care.<BR>Realitycheck<BR>*****************************************************************<BR>posted July 01, 2001 12:08 PM <BR>This is his 5TH AFFAIR????????<BR>How many affairs does this bozo have to have before you show him the door? 10? 15?<BR>Are you not OFFENDED by his insults to your marriage and your self-respect?<BR>LOSE THIS LOSER!!!<BR>******************************************************************<BR>posted July 02, 2001 04:13 PM <BR>Are you sure you weren't just SNOOPING?????<BR>Sounds to me like you were.<BR>Oh, you just decided to be a nice guy and run out and buy your wife a new pair of panties? Had to check for the size?<BR>Why didn't you just look in her drawer where clean things are instead of snooping around in her dirty underwear?<BR>******************************************************************<BR>posted July 05, 2001 09:13 PM <BR>Zorweb:<BR>If you and your silly cheating husband STL are so passionate and romantic, and, ahem, - "naughty,(blush)", [in your words], why do you both spend so much time at your computers instead of making love to each other? <BR>Over 500 posts from Mr. STL and over 700 posts from you since MAY!!! (You do the math) God only knows what other boards you are posting on!<BR>Don't you two have better, (i.e., - more romantic) things to do????)<P>************************************************************<BR>posted July 05, 2001 11:12 PM <BR>RE:<BR>"My Viagra prescription ran out."<BR>OH. How sad.<BR>I'm so sorry for you.<BR>Is there a support group out there for that?<BR>************************************************************<BR></B><P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Hi Infidelity (edited July 21, 2001).]

Puuuuuuuuulez......don't rattle a sleeping dog's chain.....<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

I agree with you almost 100%. You made some truly valid points here and the only thing that I would not agree with is that most on here are miserable and want company. I personally gave my opinion with honesty, even brutal honesty. Some may not have appreciated it, but most would never take accountability for their part in a dysfuntional marriage anyway. I feel that in general, this board can promote one to think about things differently. However, we have some people that sit there and ask for opinions, but when they get one they don't like, they sit there and discount that opinion. Most are in denial that they may have contributed to the A's in some way and those that have thoughts of infidelity, like myself, rarely get a response. This seems to be due to them sitting in judgement as if they themselves were ANY better than anyone else. Can anyone come in here and honestly say "I have satisfied my Spouse's emotional and sexual needs the best I can (and truly give examples) yet he continues to cheat on me". Naah, these people, for the most part, want to point the finger at the WS's and/or the OW/M as the bad guys and POOR LITTLE ME DID NOTHING WRONG. Gimme a break...~FLgal~

RC, it seems, wants to engage in a battle of wits. He is only half right. As a matter of principle I don't fight unarmed opponents.<P>HI, you are correct: RC has not posted his story on MB (unless he used another nom d'plume). He is like a fly: he shows up occasionally, buzzes around angrily, attempts to annoy people, and then--when swatted--goes off to comisserate with Vincent Price ("Help me. Help me.").<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 21, 2001).]

Wait one dern minute, FLgal. Who the heck do you think you are?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FLgal:<BR><B>...but most [on this board] would never take accountability for their part in a dysfuntional marriage anyway. .... Most are in denial that they may have contributed to the A's in some way and those that have thoughts of infidelity, like myself, rarely get a response. This seems to be due to them sitting in judgement as if they themselves were ANY better than anyone else. Can anyone come in here and honestly say "I have satisfied my Spouse's emotional and sexual needs the best I can (and truly give examples) yet he continues to cheat on me". Naah, these people, for the most part, want to point the finger at the WS's and/or the OW/M as the bad guys and POOR LITTLE ME DID NOTHING WRONG. Gimme a break...~FLgal~</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I specifically recall answering your posts along with a bunch of others in good faith and you, at one moment, anyway, seemed genuinely appreciative.<P>So what's your problem now?<P>I resent your generalization that "Most are in denial that they may have contributed to the A's..." Seems to me that "most" are exactly the opposite.<P>I propose that you are now re-evaluating your momentary relapse back to your marriage and are trying to justify having an affair.<P>Gimme a break.<P>I personally expect an apology from you. Otherwise, I promise to never respond to another post from you again. Got it?<P>WAT<P>

FLgal,<P>I can't speak for all the BS's here, but I myself take full responsibility for the things I've done that helped create the emotional estrangement the lead to my W's A, and I have told her that. I also know that if the situation were reversed, during a time of crisis in my marriage had I met someone that I connected with, I very well may have had an A. I am no more moral or of higher character than my W or you or anyone else on this board. I believe all BS's need to look at themselves and identify what they've done (behaviors, LB's, unmet needs) that contributed to the situation. <P>That being said, I think the WS's must do the same type of soul searching. I've read too many stories from WS's that blame their spouses for their A and refuse to take responsibility for the choice they made. I hear WS's say things like "I wasn't happy", "he wasn't affectionate", "she was too involved with the kids", "we didn't talk enough", etc. These are all valid problems, but they cannot be solved unless they are talked about. I know that's not always easy, but marriage isn't always easy. Is it easier to have an A? Is that the solution to these problems? <P>I'm not lecturing or preaching. I am a BS, but I don't sit around blaming my W wondering "how could she do this to me? What kind of person could do something like this?" However, the WS's have to stop blaming their BS's, stop justifying the A because of problems in the marriage. The blame game doesn't work. What works is being honest with yourself (whether your the BS or WS), honest with your spouse, learning from the past, but not living in it, and moving forward.<P>I just felt a little wordy today. <P>sad dad <p>[This message has been edited by sad dad (edited July 21, 2001).]

FLGal:<P>Is your response hormonally-induced or did the fog roll back in?<P>As I stated on Sunshine's post: most here on MB--those who are more than superficially conversant--understand the difference between the condition of the marital state and contributing toward it, and choosing to have an affair.<P>You weren't paying attention in Forum Class, dear.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by GeezLouise:<BR><B>Puuuuuuuuulez......don't rattle a sleeping dog's chain.....<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well said, GL! I concur. Why bother?

Hmmm...Thinking I have better ways to spend my energies than with RealityCheck, which in all reality, however honest, is rude.<P>Well said GL, SNL, et all.<P>Trueheart