I know it's late and on a weekend, I've just had a really hard afternoon and needed a little encouragement.<P>I haven't spoken or seen my W and childern sense Tuesday. Not by my design but by hers, I'm tring to respect her wish and give her the space she needs. She wanted to give it a week of no contact and then see where we are. Said that she had seen more of me than OM. Well she had told me that OM was going out of town for the next ten days on Thursday, yesterday. I guess she lied again. I live only two blocks from my old home, her place, and drive by there on my way to work and just about anywhere I go. Over the past two days they haven't been home much, so it got the better of me and I found myself doing what I have liked the least about myself through this entire thing. I drove by the OM apartment complex and sure enough each time her car was there. They could have been feeding the cat (another long story) but for several hours and several times a day, I think not. What purpose does it serve for her to lie about that. We have been seperated for almost four weeks, she should feel free to do as she likes. I guess I'll get the truth someday.<P>Even with all this I guess I was handeling things well, until this afternoon. My seven year old son knocked on my door, he was dropping off some mail. Bless his little heart, he asked me if I could come over for dinner with them tonight. I explained that it wouldn't be a good idea right now and that we were going to be spending all day and night together tommarrow. He said " mom said you were working tonight anyway, that's why you can't come to dinner". Doesn't she know that he can see through her lies and that we should be honest with our children. Well I let it go and walked him to the car so I could see my daughter for a few minutes. I was polite to my W but avoided eye contact and spoke to her only when necessary, concentrated on the kids. I just can't see how she can continue to lie to them and continue to involve them with this OM, her A. Someday I know it's going to come back to haunt her, no matter how things turn out.<P>When they left I got really down, I had to come back into this empty house all alone. I'm not sure how I'm gonna get through this weekend. I'm realy dreeding Sunday night, that's when she wants to evaluate this no contact period. I'm terrified of how it will go. Has this been as hard on her as it has been on me? Part of me is glad she lied about OM being out of town, maybe this gave both of them a small dose of reallity, then again what if things were great. I guess I'll find out soon enough. Well I do feel better now just having gotten it off my chest. Life is funny, the one thing I always enjoyed was the time I could find for myself to be alone and think, how little there was of it. Now I have all the time I'll ever need or want and I can't stand it, I despise what I once cherished. I'll just pray alittle harder tonight and remember each of you as I do.

{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}},<P>I think we are in similar places emotionally...(see my post <I> On hating the night </I>.<P>But, look at us...we're coping. We are posting and praying...and pretty soon we'll be sleeping and another day will have passed...<P>I think we both know that God has a plan...but boy wouldn't it be nice for a little hint here or there?? (Uh, oh--was that humor ?)<P>Chin up...we'll make it through this...<P>Cali

silwl,<P>Just wanted to let you know that people are here for you. This is not easy, I know. Take it one day at a time.<P>{{{{{hugs}}}}}<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Cali and Z,<P>Thank you both, the hugs are gladly recieved and returned.<BR><<<<<HUG>>>>>>><BR>It seems it's been way to long sense anyone cared how I felt or thought. To have the support of people such as yourselves is of such comfort. I can never repay the people of this forum for how much they have hepled me and I have only begun on this long and difficult journey.<P>Both of you have wonderful nights, have beautiful dreams and know that you are in my prayers.<P>Silwl

Well Silwl,<P>When you meet with your W, you will know that you are being honest and upright. This may tick her off but that is her problem. You be the best for your family. I am sorry you are having to suffer through what we deem as such unecceary pain. But that is what that fog does, it messes up the priorities of the Ws. Makes them think they are doing 'something' of value yet they know otherwise but can't seem to stop themselves from this downhill ride. <P>You though have control over yourself. You are feeling bad? That is normal. Now with the time you have left with yourself, do something for yourself. Project for the kids, golfing (can't believe I am suggesting this one LOL!!), whatever you enjoy and have not had the chance to do. Guy things, whatever. <P>You are doing good. We are all pulling for you, all over this country/planet!!!<P>Take care,<BR>L.<BR>

Yeah, the nights are the worst. I spend most of them on here once the kids were in bed. But hopefully this is only a temporary measure for you as it was for me.<P>It hurts to know that your W is lying to the kids. But kids are more intelligent than we tend to give them credit for. They'll see through her every time. And the more she does it, the easier they'll spot it. That doesn't make things easier for anyone, but she'll lose a lot of respect from the kids. And IMO, if your kids don't respect you, then you don't have much of anything (teen years excluded...grin).<P>I hope you do something great for you this weekend. Keep posting on here when you need to let out stuff, you know the drill, we're all here rooting for ya!<P>Karen<BR>

Man oh man sil!!<P>You hit the nail on the head on two things!!<P>First of all, the kids do see right through the lies. Although they may not know the whole truth, they know a lie when it is told to them. I am so saddened by the lies your wife is telling in front of the kids, and the lessons she is teaching them. Someday, she is going to have to deal with the fact that one of the kids will lie to her and she will get mad, and the child will say, *Well, Mom, it worked for you for a long time!*<P>The other part is, it will catch up to her later on. Right about the time OM starts lying to her about what he is doing at nite when he doesnt come home to her. I feel for you! But, the one thing you have through all this...your integrity is intact!! Your kids can be proud of that, and so can you!! I know it hurts, but like Cali said....you are surviving it!! Stay strong sil.<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

Thank all of you for your encouragment, helps alot.<P>Just to update you all, I guess I did some LBing this morning. W droped off kids, was great to see them it's been three days, never gone that long before. I was polite and in good spirits. Well later that mornig the kids started crying for mom, exspected that, decided to take them to the store so thay could pick out something special for dinner. On the way to the store my yougest (2) started crying and saying "I won't mommy, I won't to go home, I don't want you, I don't want to go to your house" then my oldest (7)started the same. I knew that would happen what I didn't exspect was for my youngest to say "I want to go to **** house, OM" well that crushed me in away I will never be able to explain. So after a while I gave in to the kids and paged my W. When she called we talked about it and she spoke to the kids. I know I said somethings I shouldn't have but I couldn't help myself. Conversation didn't end well she hung up on me.<P>Things calmed down and about an hour later I paged her again to apologize for the way I acted. She called back crying. I felt real bad and asked what was wrong. She explained that she was at OM house when I paged the first time and that he had gotten upset about it. They had gotten into a huge fight because I had interupted his time. She told him that I was the father of her children and a big part of her life, that no matter what happens I would always be apart of her life and if I needed her specialy involving the kids that she would be there. He would have to deal with that or not be with her. He then told her she should go home so she could be there for her kids. I guess OM is starting to show his true colors, a positive sign I guess. <P>Any way the kids and I had a wonderful day and we had a great evening. I feel really good right now, hope I can carry it over for a while.

silwl,<BR>When the kids get to crying, and one says they want their mommy, the other will follow because that is the easiest thing to do. The natural thing for the parent this is getting slung at is to start yelling, and get upset about it. Try scooping them all up, and giving them all hugs, and lots of understanding. It was good that you called your W tho, for the OM to show his wonderful colors.<P>Have you read SAA? We know this is really hard on you!!!! I just got a magazine in the mail today from Focus on the Family, Dr. James Dobson, and he has info in there about the state of the family, and children and how divorce affects them - your W really needs to read this - the family is so precious. I will pray for you. hugs, aftershock

Aftershock,<P>Thanks, no I haven't read it yet, I have it on order. I live in a small town in the middle of the desert, no real book store. My father who is a minister recommended Dr. James Dobson, so I plan on checking it out.<P>Silwl