Well.....Thursday night my H called to talk to the girls....he always calls if he doesn't see them that day.<BR>He talked to our oldest...and our middle one.....the youngest one was already asleep.<BR>Every time our oldet is done she says....want to talk to mom....he always says yes now....when he used to be comfortable just talking to them and then hanging up.<BR>Anyway.....we talked for a good half hour to 45 minutes. Not about anything specific...and not about us...but just stuff. He actually started talking to me about his parents and the way his relationship with them is pretty much gone now.....heard the sadness in his voice. I told him I hated to see them being this way to each other...and I was sorry that it was happening.<BR>He went on to tell me that he had lost a little more weight because he doesn't feel like eating and that he was tired because he wasn't sleeping well at all.<BR>All this.....from a man that says he can't stand the sight of me....only tolerates me????<BR>Friday was our middle daughters Eye appt.....he went with us. He got here at 7 a.m.<BR>We got along just fine.....he would even tap me on the shoulder to look at something one of the girls was doing every now and then. Talked to me like normal...when he wasn't falling asleep in the waiting room. We had to wait for an hour and a half!!<BR>When it was over we took the girls out to lunch...everything went fine....he even offered to take my plate from the table when I was done. Why? I don't know....he never did things like that before.<BR>When we got back home....he took the girls with him to get his check and then took them all to a local store......when they got back he worked on the truck a little bit for me....seemed to be trying to find a way to stick around longer.<BR>By then he was ready to leave.....he made a comment....that really threw me off.<BR>He was kissing the girls goodbye...and I jokingly said....I guess it's too much to ask for me to get one....he just laughed and then said......well....I could've asked for a (sexual favor) in return for fixing the truck.<BR>He hasn't joked around with me like that in the longest time.....probably about 6 weeks.I'm proud of myself though.....not one LB in the last week. I'm doing good.<P>BUT.....what is it with the way he's acting. The jokes.....the talking longer on the phone....telling me things like he doesn't feel like eating and can't sleep and all that???? Does a person do this with a person they truly don't like....can't stand? I'm kinda confused by the way he is acting.

It is quite obvious to me that this man LOVES you but can't yet come to terms with what he feels for you. His hateful, hurtful remarks to you can basically be dismissed as the FOG speaking. Seems as though his current situation living outside the family home is not agreeing with him, healthwise, tempermentwise or otherwise. <P>You are doing a beautiful job of not LB'ing. Keep up the good work. Just know that a bright day will replace a dark, dreary day --- and vice versa. Enjoy the good days!!!<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Not that it's easy to rationalize fogese and the behaviours associated with it, but my take on it is that he's testing the waters. He's coming out of the fog a bit. Be prepared for him to be sucked back into it again. Hopefully it won't happen, but it could.<P>Maybe the big blowout at his parents' place is what he needed to clear his head somewhat. I think that's what happened in my situation when I called the cops on H (because I wanted the minivan key back...it was really stupid). It was within a month of that happening that H was home, as it turns out, for good. So I hope this is the turning point for your H as well.<P>Now it is more important than ever to avoid the LB's. The 'safe environment' you have been creating in your plan A so far needs to reach perfection. Your H may test you a little bit, to see what kind of reactions you give him. Just take deep breaths if he does, and remember the rules of care (no selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, etc).<P>Good for you!! Your plan A is working like a charm! Keep it up, and keep us posted! <P>Karen<BR>

Yay! MP, that sounds like you are doing the right things, and it is SO nice to get positive response from the WS! Good for you. keep that safe environment for him to be open and honest (himself) with you... <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Miss Priss,<BR>I am so happy to see your positive post. I will pray that it continues to get much better for you. Keeping those LB's away really help. hugs, aftershock

Well....I thought I was seeing signs of him coming out of the fog myself.....but he just left....went to pay a couple of bills...will be back....to take the girls for the night.....if they stay that is.<BR>Seems....that even though we can't afford to pay the bills that we have now....HE CAN afford a cell phone.<BR>Not really sure why he thinks he needs one......he doesn't go enough places to actually have one. He's usually ALWAYS at my sisters...or at work.<BR>AND....of course he saw his friends and the OW at work today.....he was acting a little different when he came in. He knocks and waits for me to answer the door now.<P>I wish I could say that he was coming out of the fog.....even a little bit.....but all these little things keep adding up saying that he intends on staying away....and never coming home and giving us a chance again.

Prissy - losing weight and not sleeping are sure signs of depression. Keep an eye on this, OK?<P>Otherwise, good job not LB'ing!!<P>WAT

Keep your chin up hon. My H did those same things. It was a really awkward feeling for me that he'd knock on the door first. We eventually came to an understanding that if I knew he was coming over (right after work for example), then he could just walk right in. That certainly made me feel better.<P>H got himself a cell phone too. He still has it, and as it turns out (with work and such), I'm glad I can get in touch with him all the time. Especially right now, what with my physical condition and the kids all being so young. WHEN you are on the recovery road, you can talk to him about whether or not it's a good idea to keep it around (don't forget, you could use it too when you're out with the girls).<P>Karen<P><BR>

MP......give yourself a hardy pat on the back because you are doing one hellava job with your Plan A. You are going to feel down and disappointed at times. This is normal. Try not to read too much into his actions because he probably is not even aware of why he does any of the asinine things that torment you. He's still fog-laden and can't be taken too seriously. Keep your head together and enjoy the little things that you see and let that be an inspiration to you.<P><P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>