It’s been almost exactly one year since we (hubby & I) halted the stroll down our personal highway to hell, and about 6 months since I’ve posted at this site. I still come here about once a week to check in, but I find that this site and the trials of the people here affect me more deeply than I like. Even after this time, every time I read a new story, it’s almost as though I can physically feel that same sadness wash over me. The dark, forgotten seed in my stomach swells out of its pit and creeps up my throat. I’m sure there’s a Freudian message in there somewhere … <P>This year has been an especially difficult and painfully one. I lost a family member I was extremely close to. It was a long and heart-wrenching illness. While my H was trying so hard in so many ways, with respect to this he was downright insensitive. While I phoned, visited, etc. as often as I could, he simply ignored the whole situation. If I tried to discuss the impending death or my feelings about it, he quickly would distance the conversation, and my resentment would simmer. He never did call or visit her before she died. <P>Surprisingly, at the funeral he completely fell apart. He became physically ill, had the cold sweats, and was very emotional. Since that time I have noticed a dramatic difference in him. He is much more physical in generally showing affection (something he used to be years ago), he is also very vocal (something he never was). <P>I am curious as to what the connection is … I’m not quite sure how but I’m quite convinced that the funeral was the catalyst to his behavior since.<P>SALP<P>