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Rick37 Offline OP
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Sorry that I haven't been of much help to anyone lately. I haven't been on as much, and although I do read some posts, I don't seem to have too much to say. I'll get better soon.<P>Getting back into work after vacation, but it is slow.<P>I'm in the longest stretch ever without my kids (5 days), and I'm just missing them like crazy. I was pacing around my house last night wondering what to do (one of those moods where you do nothing), and a neighbor came by to invite me to watch a movie. Thank goodness.<P>Last night the kids called me at dinner time, and then my wife took the phone and blurted out "you know you can come for dinner". I said "no thanks" and quickly ended the call. But this is the hardest part of Plan B, because I want to see the kids bad, but I can't do it because of Plan B. Like a tug of war in your head, but it hurts your stomach and heart.<P>Hearing more stories locally similar to us all. Co-worker of friend just had his wife leave. I was at a summer BBQ/party at neighbors house, and met a guy there who said his wife left him 3 months ago, and has a "good male friend". I shared my thoughts on this with him.<P>Anyway, Plan B goes on, not much happening. I have awesome neighbors and co-workers.<P>As soon as I am with my kids, I'll perk up, so if I sound bummed out, not a big deal. Tomorrow it gets better.<P>Take care EVERYONE! And THANKS.

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Hang in there, Rick!!!! Glad to see that you have good supportivbe people surrounding you during this blase' period. Isn't it amazing how kids can keep you focused and amused? Perhaps you can plan a "little" homecoming event for them.....nothing extravagant but something that you will all enjoy. <P>Coming back to the "same old" is difficult after being distracted while on vacation. At least you had the opportunity to gather new strength to face whatever the future has in store for you. <P>Take care and remember......this, too, shall pass....<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

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You're doing a terrific job. You'd have to have ice water in your veins not to get down during a long stretch away from your kids. I guess your wife still doesn't understand your letter since sge's inviting you for dinner. Did she do this much previously?<P>Well, I discovered a real neat lonely weekend ploy. Went alone to see Brian Wilson and Paul Simon last night. I bought the ticket late via a web site and just defaulted to the "best seat available" setting. Because I was buying a single ticket, I ended up dead center 13 rows back from the stage. OMG - the best seat I have ever had for a concert! I could see the beads of sweat on Brian's forehead. Did you know Paul Simon has those kind of earlobes that don't dangle? You know, the kind that are fully attached right where your jaw bone is?<P>Afterwards I got Brian's autograph thanks to Boomer's scouting report.<P>Anyway, don't mean to ramble on your thread. I finished putting in my horse shoe pits, so bring down that Brador whenever you're ready.<P>Hang in there Rick, and thanks for the tremendous support you've given me lately.<P>Dave (WAT)

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Hi,<P>Was wondering what happened to you. Kids, for all the work and energy they drain from you, yet we wouldn't want to be without them for a minute. Remember you are still their dad and they still love you. You will have them back soon. <P>Like Dave, you are seeing the need to do things on your own. Sounds like there are others in your area having similar problems. Is there something in the air? It almost feels like this A stuff is airborne. Gotta find the cure!!!!<P>You are doing good. Hard as it is, you are doing what you can to preserve your family's love. Remember that Rick, it is important to hold onto those thoughts. <P>Take care,<BR>L.<P>PS: Maybe you and Dave can meet up while you both don't have the kids?!?!? I was posting before I saw Dave's comments, just wanted to add, what is a Brador? <P><p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited July 22, 2001).]

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Rick37,<P>It's tough. I understand your BLA. My D-day was in June 2000, and I still don't want to go out and do extra socializing. I only do what I can. The hurt, and pain inside of you, you want so much for the relationship and love to be back the way it was, and you can't understand why it is this way now. Take time to reflect on where you where. I take responsibility for things in my marriage. <P>Move forward little bits at a time. Sorry for you being in Plan B.<P>I received a magazine in the mail yesterday (I get it all the time) but this issue was exceptionally notable. It had some thoughts about divorces, and effects on children. The census results have changed the percentages - homosexual families are at a greater percentage, 1 parent head of household is up - the "man/woman bond" is in jeopardy.<P>Hang in there, Rick. I hope you get your family back soon. hugs, aftershock

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Rick,<BR>I know what you mean about when the kids aren't around. . .for the first 10 or 15 minutes it's wonderful & relaxing, nobody calling "Mommy!!", nobody fighting. . .but then, there's nobody calling "Mommy!!" and nobody fighting!! You won't have to do these 5 day stretches much will you?<P>Now, just one other question. . .was the neighbor who invited you to watch a movie the same lady who makes you cupcakes??? (Just kidding!). You're doing great. I find it interesting your W invited you to dinner also.

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bitsy:<BR><B>Rick,<P>Now, just one other question. . .was the neighbor who invited you to watch a movie the same lady who makes you cupcakes???</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Bitsy.....you are TOO astute......LOL!<P><P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

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Rick37 Offline OP
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Allright ladies, have your fun at my expense! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>And no, not the same lady. Another one, and don't worry, "just a friend" (haven't we all heard that before) .... I'm friends with her and hubby.<P>Oh, and bitsy, I'm supposed to do one 5 day stretch every two weeks, because we have 50/50, arranged a bit different. I've just been lucky because every week since separation I've never exceeded 4, because she'd return them 1 (sometimes 2) days early (supposedly so she can work).<P>If she ever gets a different job, it will be week on week off. I dread that. Only hope would be to attempt sole custody, but that can backfire....however, it isn't out of the question.<p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited July 22, 2001).]

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Ok. . .(you know I was just teasing right??). It actually does sound like you've got some pretty good neighbors, that are more than neighbors, they're friends too.

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BITSY!!!<P>You MUST be the best snoop around!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

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Rick37 Offline OP
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Dave,<P>We could have used the extra help last summer.

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Rick...<P>Not really much to say here. Just wanted to lend my support when it comes to the kids. I know how you feel. I call mine several times a week, as they live out of state with Mom. There is a song by Alabama that makes me cry whenever I hear it. It is called..."In pictures" about a Dad that watches his girl grow up away from him and he gets pictures every so often each year....its a killer. Make the minutes count whenever you have em. I know how you miss em.<P>Trueheart

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Hey guys, I could use a little extra cash, anybody hiring??!!<P>Rick,<BR>About the time w/out your kids. . I know a couple (ex-couple) who live too far away from each other & their poor litte kid spends 3 months with her Mom & 3 months with her Dad. Just awful for her, I think it's a terrible arrangement. Anyhow, not trying to minimize your 5 days, but sometimes it helps me to see a situation worse than mine!

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Hi Rick. Wow, I can't imagine doing that 5-days at a time. Kudos to you for making it through the week!<P>Just wanted to pipe in and give my regards. Your neighbors sound AWESOME! You're lucky to have good friends like that around!<P>I like the idea of throwing a little "party" for the kiddies when they get home. Go for it, have some fun.<P>Obviously your plan B is getting to your W, just let it work it's magic... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>LOL,<BR>HbH

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Rick, <P>Not much to say, just wanted you to know I think of you often, although I don't post much (last month I spent mostly on business trips, not much time to read and post).<P>You are doing great job. I admire you for your strenght and patience. How are kids coping with all this? Glad to hear you have someone around to support you, it really helps in lonely days. Anyway, if you ever need a cyber shoulder, feel free to post me at adrian_faith@yahoo.co.uk <P>Thank you once more for all support I got from you. <P>Adrian

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Rick, I feel those same feelings when I am without my kids. It was especially difficult in the beginning of H's "parenting plan"... because he hadn't seen them much at all for the first year!!!!<P>As hard as it is for me... and even though my H is still has difficulties in the emotional area regarding the kids (H is still in the me...me...me...stage of toddlerhood)<P>my kids are doing better seeing their dad more. Plus I get the emotional break I need. I know my kids feel put in the middle, but kids are pretty self-centered too and just want to see both of us.<P>I wish I lived near a big city (that's why I wanted to move).. It is hard to find things to do in a very small conservative family oriented town!!!!!<P>I would have loved to have seen Brian Wilson!!! though our little town has a week long festival and I did see Steppenwolf!!!!!

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Rick37,<BR>In total violation of everything the MB site stands for...I think you'd make a wonderful husband. For me. As in, I wish I could meet you.<P>Now don' get all bent out of shape...what I'm saying is really that I've read many of your posts over the past few months and I completely admire your character and what you stand for...your personality and your perserverence...and sure, partially that is because I wish my H could feel/act/nbe like you.<P>You are doing a wonderful job. You love your family and your wife. It's hard for a woman not to admire that. And if it gives you just the slightest bit of comfort or boost to your self-esteem....other women (like myself) can see you for the wonderful man you are.<P>I hope your wife wakes up. She'd not be lucky enough to get one like you twice in a lifetime.<P>calla30


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