Well...what a weekend.<P>You know that Friday night was difficult for me...he had stayed two nights in a row and we had been intimate...then Friday he left for his 'spot.' So hard to see him go each time...Thanks all for your support...Trueheart, for your poem. I printed the post out to read when I am down.<P>Saturday I woke up late and was cranky...H arrived later than he said he would and I couldn't go get birthday present before the party...I'm sure my message to him was an LB...at least my delivery was...<P>Then, after he arrived, after 'blowing' up (though not as badly as I used to), I went on MB to find a cryptic post to me about our Vegas trip.<P>Guess who? The OW's H. Apparently there is a Vegas trip in the works for the same week....he emailed me 3X's to get details of trip...when...where...whose idea was it...I promised to keep his anonimity (alittlelost) but after today...I decided that since what I post here is up for grabs...so is he.<P>I had a feeling H had been in contact with her. Saturday he was angry again...very reminicent of the last three months he lived here and was in contact with her. Though he came back early this a.m. and did come into bed with me, like I asked, he did not hug me or put his arms around me as he had started to do again...also he turned his head away from me...When I kissed him; he didn't kiss back...Oh, yeah...I knew contact had occurred.<P>So I checked his cell phone voice mail and BINGO two new messages...(one was saved from yesterday...will he ever learn to erase them...oh Princess, if your out there....you might clue him in).<P>The newest message was about how her H had been to MB and read my posts and got all bent out of shape over Vegas trip. Also said that he was threatening my H...threatening to bash his brains in...now this p****** me off...All very well and good to use the information here for good...but DRAMA like this....H*** NO!<P>So I called OW's house...she answered so I hung up. Called again and her H answered. I said that I didn't appreciate him invading my website, gathering information, then threatening my H...he got all panicky sounding and hung up. <P>I went outside and explained to H what had been occurring. OW's H on website, emailing me, the cell phone messages I listened to (and erased). He asked why did I do that? I said...I didn't protect my home when I first should have, by God I will do it now. You are still my husband...she has no right to call you...(besides phone is in my name...I asked you to keep it TO KEEP IN CONTACT WITH YOUR SONS! NOT HER!) BTW...this was done all very coolly and calmly...just reporting information...<P>Then Princess called...I got the pleasure of answering and saying "Hello, Princess...how are you?" Then H took the phone from me...I got more pleasure as I heard her harangue him and him get loud defending himself....about how he hadn't told me anything...wait a minute didn't I promise that I wouldn't talk about her (wife) around you (OW)? etc. etc. <P>I followed him around as he talked to her. Apparently her H had left the house to come over here with 2 bats. (He never came over. Just more drama.)<P>Anyway...I never got mad...never raised my voice...just explained where I was...what I wanted...why I thought it could work...I even explained that I can empathize with how he feels...we talked for about 1/2 hour...And he's still here...it was very peaceful...you'd think we would have had drama...yelling--screaming...but there was none...we even had pleasant conversation afterwards...<P>I AM IN SUCH A DIFFERENT PLACE!!! You all have to read <I>The Four Agreements </I> by don Miguel Ruiz...that book with all the others I have read...Man o Man...I will never be the same....<P>Sorry so long...<BR>Cali<P><I>***Life is a journey; enjoy the view.***</I>

Way to go Cali-I commend you on a perfect performance It sounds like you are in a tight spot and you handled things calmly and properly.<P>Keep up the good work!<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Cali,<P>Way to go!!! I am proud of you for handling the situation so well.<P>D

Cali,<P>Bingo - B - I - N - G - O<P>Also, can't believe THEY BOTH try to sabotage on here.<P>They both need to GET A LIFE. How did your H get all tied up with her in the first place?<P>oh, bother . ..... hugs, aftershock<P>p.s. I just cannot believe that people who do not want help will come here to MB - especially these OW's, then they bring their tr*shy Hs along with them.<P>Sorry to vent like this - I don't know what I would do if I were you and had to put up will all of this - my pain was bad enough without any of the cr*p you are going through. My dear . . .

Another thing, what is it any of their business anyway - why did he have to ask you who's idea. BTW, he sounded like a moron (sorry, he must be an OWH).<P>Is your H starting to see he needs to get them out of HIS life? <P>As you know, you don't have to give any extra info out you don't want to. You remember my e-mail site was sent to you, and it will be kept confidential. I wouldn't help them for 10 million, or all the tea in China. LOL

Cali, <P>Interesting how OWH cant control her, so is gonna attack you and your H? Amazing how he will blame your H, for his W infidelity? Kinda makes you think hes been through this before and is on his last legs with her huh? Now why would you try to hold onto someone who continues to do this? Does he honestly believe that by pushing away the one she "loves", that he wins anything? (use one of those bats on his own head)<P>Cali, you did wonderfully, Girl!! Kudos to you!! YOU ROCK!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

Why is everyone trashing the OW H? He is as much a BS as the rest of you!<P>[QUOTE]Originally posted by trueheart:<BR><B>Cali, <P>[b]Interesting how OWH cant control her, so is gonna attack you and your H? Amazing how he will blame your H, for his W infidelity?</B><P>I remember what I wanted to do to OM when I found out, so I would OW H threatening H is completely normal and to be expected. And not completely unfair either. He is a BS too, don't trash him!<P>

Grrrr...OW's H is not being 'trashed.' From the beginning, I have offered support and comfort...<P>He has lied to OW about me. He has misrepresented himself to me. I simply will not be used...he gets information out of me...then is duplicitous about it to his W....who tells my H...then somehow I have 3 fingers pointing at me...<P>I HAVE NOT LIED DURING THIS WHOLE FIASCO. I have not trashed OW...though I'd like to. I will not be a party to this 'soap opera' they OW and her H live. So I out what he and she do. <P>We know that as BS we must CHANGE ourselves and quit blaming others....that's all I am asking him to do...<P>Do I understand what he'd like to do to my H...H### yeah...I even told my H that...."How dare you get mad...she is his wife...do you have a clue what I would do if I met her in a dark alley? And you know I'd tear her apart..." <P>I will not be used...<P>Cali

Hi Cali - I'm glad you're feeling better now. I've had a very busy weekend and will update you all soon - right now I'm facing the prospect of having to spend several hours in Walmarts while I wait for my car to be serviced - so it was really useful to have a good book recommended to me to pass the time away I'll definately look for it, grab a coffee and send the kids away to 'window shop' in the toy section...<P>hugs, Paint.

Cali, you are SO right. You cannot and should not be used by anyone. I think you would do well to distance yourself from all 3 of them if possible. Someday, you know, this WILL make a good book. You'll be rich, rich I say!!<P>You don't deserve any of this. And now, just to think OW and OWH even might possibly invade on your Las Vegas trip - how inhumane. I'm so sorry you need to go through this.<P>I still cannot believe you have done plan A so long with OW right on your heals. You're amazing. You have really grown so much these past couple of months...<P><<<<<<<<CALI>>>>>>>><P>HbH

Cali and everyone,<P>It is another Monday morning, a new day, a new week. Good luck on your adventures!<P>To Grrrrrrr - I don't know how long you've been on here, you would not know the history behind each and every A. Sometimes when I read too, I don't get the entire gist because I haven't read all the facts. Sometimes there are harsh words because the posters misunderstand each other, or sometimes there is a wayward spouse trying to wreak havoc and chaosis in our threads and support. That is the case here - Cali is not bashing. When this event happens in your life the last thing you want is to have the OP and or the OPH attacking you. You don't deserve that. The only thing, the only thing you want to happen is to mend the bridge in your marriage/relationship and go on happily (eventually in time). The last thing you need is more turmoil to deal with. Unfortunately, in this case, there is alot of backlashing. It is a bad situation that Cali is living with (and she is holding up very good).<P>Cali - may this week be better for you. May your pain diminish, remember you are so strong, you will survive this.<P>Everybody - have a good week. hugs, aftershock

Maybe I'm reading into this wrong. But it looks like all the so called actions of the OW's H--is all hearsay via the OW. I mean didn't the OW say that he was supposedly on his way over with two baseball bat--but he never showed?!<P> <p>[This message has been edited by M&J (edited July 23, 2001).]

The threatening part is 'hearsay.' Though I tried to get to the bottom of it by talking to her H. <P>The rest occurred. <I>alittlelost</I> is OW's H. He did post here and did email me three times to get info about our Vegas trip.<P>Now that I think about it, that would be a classic 'manipulative' tactic...to say he is threatening my H just to get my H to react...but her H would not talk to me....<P>I guess that I don't understand that either...I willingly share information with him, but he lies about me and uses me for information.<P>I emailed him that as his wife had told me--my H is not your problem, like your W is not mine...Our problems are in our marriage and that is where we have to focus...that is what we have to fix...anything else just makes this whole thing a circus act...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I><p>[This message has been edited by JustPlainCali (edited July 23, 2001).]

I haven't read his posts, but I will. Seems it can only help to get him involved here - help for you AND him.<P>I tried to educate OM's W a little. Gave her a copy of SAA. Don't know if it did any good, but I tried. But I also experienced what I called "circle" LBs. Some little piece of info would be exchanged between me and OM's W. By the next day, it had come full circle, modified of course to fit the needs of the infidels, back to me from my wife as more "reasons" why I was screwed up. I finally stopped communicating with her (OM's W) - more harm than good. However, I think if the two BSs both had their head's about them, that an alliance might be good.<P>WAT

I agree with WAT,<P> That is not to say that I agree with the violence OW claimed H was gonna do. But such is the life of a BS. Oh how I dreamed of ridding the earth of the scum that had taken the love of my W. It would have been so easy. If I knew I could have gotten away with it, we would be less one OM today. <P> So yeah, it can be a soap opera life to live. But(speaking only for myself)that fantasy of doing great harm to the OP helps the healing process I believe. <P> It just seems the OWs H would realize what WAT has said and try to get both BSs plan of attack on the same page. Can you imagine the possiblities of both BS working together and sharing information, then using it against the WSs. The possibilities are great.