lost---<P>Please use this website for good. I don't mind you reading my posts; but don't use them 'against' me...<P>Have you read the basic concepts? I know your wife is against the stuff here...sees it as 'manipulative,' but remember IT IS FOR YOU TO BECOME STRONGER! And, I guarantee, if you put it into practice you will...I AM!<P>I will support you and so will all of my friends here. This place is for us the betrayed spouse.<P>I leave you with one thought...one that I actually got from your wife one month ago when I was calling her and leaving messages...MY H IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. The problem is in your marriage...just like my problem is in my marriage.<P>That is where your focus must be...You can only control you. I can only control me. We cannot control them. We must become strong...fix ourselves and PLAN A our butts off...you have two children...two good reasons to and I have three good reasons to...<P>I have lots of good book recommendations...let me know...<P>God and Time are on our side...<P>You are BOTH in my prayers...<I>really!</I><P>Marsha (AKA Cali)

Cali,<P>I would bet that you are not the first spouse to deal with the fact that all another BS believes they have to do is get the OM/OW out of their life and their marriage is fixed. I would bet alittlelost thinks that if your H goes away, his problems are all better. In fact, I would bet this is not the first time he has faced this situation. It is rather obvious, if that is the case, that the original problems were never dealt with nor fixed. Any BS that doesnt there are underlying problems that need to be fixed, probably doesnt understand they will more than likely face this same problem again with their WS.<P>And by the way, for any BS that contemplate bodily harm against the OP??? Do you honestly believe that...<BR>A) It will bring your WS any closer to you?<BR>B) It will solve a problem for you?<BR>and <BR>C) It honestly proves anything except that you are out of control? (Not to mention, headed for jail??)<P>Think!!! Be proactive, not reactive!! <P>Cali, nor anyone else here, is looking for anything but help and support! You can be part of the solution, or part of the problem. You can help, or you can hurt. Just like the rest of your life, the choice is yours.<P>Have a great day Cali!!<BR> <BR>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

alittlelost - I'm a male BS like you. Adding to what Marsha said, you can learn a LOT here from former WSs. This should give you insight on what's going on with your wife.<P>But, it only makes sense for you to approach your marriage problems in the same way that Marsha is, thus pulling from both sides.<P>So, stop worrying about who's going where with whom, and start working on fixing whatever problems you caused in the marriage - not that you have responsibility for the affair, but because you need to fix what's fixable to remove all the affair excuses your wife has.<P>WAT