Haven't heard from zen in awhile, just was curious as to what's going on. Bring us up to date, buddy!

don't know if he got back from NY yet.

Hello Redon, WAT, and everyone else:<P>Got back late last night -- connecting flight was overbooked so I took the later one and received a free round-trip ticket anywhere in the US, plus flew first class on the last leg. No complaints here.<P>New York was outstanding. Like I alluded to in my earlier post, if Plan A and Plan B don't work and I find myself in a position of having the option in a few years, I am going to very likely move there. I really love it that much. Lots of things would have to come together to make that happen, however.<P>I don't know where I am emotionally or even physically. My W and I spoke several times throughout the week, but it was usually just about money matters, etc. I did do my best to support her in our conversations, but I was always on the go and there wasn't really much there. She and my step-daughter called me yesterday; SD had just gotten back from a week at her dad's house and was now on her way for a week at grandparents' house, and she wanted to talk to me. It was a good but brief conversation. My W made sure (in a subtle way so as not to give anything away to SD) that I was going to be spending the night and the next week in a hotel near our house, until my apartment is ready on Aug. 1. She is so obsessed with me NOT living there; she really didn't sound that thrilled to talk to me. I figured that I would hear from her later yesterday evening, maybe just to check in on me and make sure I was doing ok at the hotel, but nothing.<P>She called me this morning from her office while I was in the shower. I called her back and we chatted for a few minutes -- she sounded really stressed and upset, but not in a "good" way like she was feeling guilty or cared about my situation, but more like she was just annoyed that the whole situation even exists. She wants us to tell SD on Friday about the separation... Wants us to go to grandparents' house and do it there. I don't know how I feel about that. On the one hand, they will be there for support, but on the other, well, I sort of want it to be just the three of us.<P>I just feel so distant from her, and I think this is bad since we are embarking on the separation. Does that make sense? I still have the Plan A letter I'm writing... I'm thinking of finishing it today and leaving it at the house for when she gets home. I also have presents from NYC for her and step-daughter. I don't know whether to go ahead and give my W hers and then give SD hers on Friday, or do both on Friday. Might be really confusing for step-daughter if I give them both presents (i.e. "everything's fine") then we tear it all down with separation news.<P>It looks as though W spent the weekend and last night away from the house. Also looks like she had friends over: extra chairs around kitchen table, empty pizza boxes, wine bottles, copy of "Boundaries" book on table. Was this some sort of "girl session" where they discussed out marriage? Please help me stop thinking this stuff...<P>All I know to do is keep trying to invent ways to Plan A. We still haven't signed sep agreement but are close, we are still having money problems, things are just sort of molasses-like right now. I feel that I REALLY need to get her that letter so she can read how I feel. It seems really difficult (if not impossible) for us to talk right now.<P>I also think I'm going to try to set something up with Steve for this week.<P>Thanks for asking about me. Advice? Thoughts? I'm going to catch up on the board to see how you guys are doing...<P>-zen

<duplicate deleted><p>[This message has been edited by zen (edited July 24, 2001).]

.. just ignore me - checking to see if there's a missing reply on this post. says there are more replies, but none showing up.. let's see if this makes it appear... <P>yep! There you are zen! GOod to hear from you.<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited July 24, 2001).]

Hopefully GQ will stay up for a while, so you can get some more replies. <P>Sorry you didn't come home to a fog-less wife. My thoughts are to keep on A'ing. Finish your letter. read it a million times - pretending you are your w. Make sure it is stuff you want her to read over and over. And give it to her. You will feel better. I still think Plan A'ing will be a little easier for you separated. That way, you are not dealing with day-to-day or hour-to-hour conflict. I am learning to focus on the top 2 or 3 of my H's EN's so that I can be more confident when we talk - instead of feeling like "I can't fulfill all his needs in a 5-minute conversation!" And keep things light and upbeat. <P>Anyway - I just wanted to say hello, and welcome back to "reality" - you probably should've just stayed in NY forever . ha-ha... well... our WS's think they can run away - why can't we? <P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28