last night H and i were discussing XOW it was brought up because once again shes trying to contact him and/or push my buttons... our discussions about her are usually pretty calm ( pats myself on the back) anyhow H said that since his EA hes became manly. im like huh???....... he saiys what he means by this is that he is man enough now to aviod a potentially destructive situation (meaning another affair) and that if someone were to attempt to do this with him again he would be able to walk away.... <BR>noting what his phrasing on the issue was i said well whats to stop you from initiating another A (he was the persuerin his EA)?...... his reply was that his EA made him realize that our main marriage problems were concering him not me or us. he also said that it wasnt fair to me to have had to put up with all his crap during and after the EA. Of course he promised not to have another A as i told him i wouldnt go through this again....in reply H said if i feel the need to cheat on you so bad i will leave you first....ummm ok i guess. actually this is how i would want it ... but he did promise to speak with me dirrectly about any future problems concerning him, me, us.<BR>I guess i should be grateful.is this progress?? <P><BR>

Roxy...<P>It is!! He is taking responsibility, not only for the A, but for his actions and himself. There is still some left over fog (ie...if I need to have an affair, I would leave you first...he leaves the lil door open).<P>For the most part, though, he wants to open up, communicate, not hurt you or himself anymore. Don't push too hard, but keep aware of his communication patterns, and don't let him slide. Ask him what you can do to help the process. He is starting the process of realizing you are forgiving him. Now he has to forgive himself and begin moving forward. He can't do that without you, so see what role he needs you to play.<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

Yes this is progress. I had a very similar conversation just this morning with my H! This is definitely progress for us because he was trying to protect me and my feelings, instead of those of his co-worker. This is a big step when he is no longer worryied about how this will affect his work but how it will affect his life. He doesn't see my bringing up his past mistakes as condemning him to future mistakes. We are working together to actively avoid future mistakes, and so are you. Congratulations on making such headway with your H. I do know how good it feels. I am happy right now because we were able to discuss something that is difficult for both of us, and I didn't get blown off or told I was imagining things. Yeah!!! We need to celebrate.