I know that this is probably not the place for it... but I think that this has some merit. I got this in an email this morning from a long lost friend, and she's female, not that she is right, wrong or otherwise, whomever wrote it was at least thinking that we ought to know these things. <P>Warning... We are all adults here and if your not (I can't in the fogiest idea know why a unmarried minor would be here in the first place) you should stop reading.<P>.<BR>.<BR>.<BR>.<BR>.<BR>.<BR>.<BR>Subject: 40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX<BR>Author: Unknown<P><BR>1) NOT KISSING FIRST.<BR>Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.<P>2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.<BR>Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.<P>3) NOT SHAVING.<BR>You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.<P>4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.<BR>Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.<P>5) BITING HER NIPPLES.<BR>Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.<P>6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.<BR>Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.<P>7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.<BR>A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel.<BR>There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.<P>8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.<BR>Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.<P>9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.<BR>Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it. <P>10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.<BR>Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.<P>11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.<BR>Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.<P>12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.<BR>Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.<P>13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.<BR>Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.<P>14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.<BR>Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get<BR>carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.<P>15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.<BR>You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not. <P>16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.<BR>Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.<P>17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.<BR>A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.<P>18) GOING TOO FAST.<BR>When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.<P>19) GOING TOO HARD.<BR>If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.<P>20) COMING TOO SOON.<BR>Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whitesof her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.<P>21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.<BR>It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing marathon man.<P>22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.<BR>You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask<P>23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.<BR>Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.<P>24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.<BR>Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.<P>25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.<BR>Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.<P>26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.<BR>Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.<P>27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.<BR>In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.<P>28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.<BR>Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.<P>29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.<BR>This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.<P>30) TAKING PICTURES.<BR>When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.<P>31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.<BR>Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.<P>32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.<BR>There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.<P>33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.<BR>If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.<P>34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.<BR>Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.<P>35) GIVING LOVE BITES.<BR>It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.<P>36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.<BR>Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.<P>37) TALKING DIRTY.<BR>It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know<P>38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.<BR>You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.<P>39) SQUASHING HER.<BR>Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.<P>40) THANKING HER.<BR>Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town<p>[This message has been edited by Husband2you (edited July 24, 2001).]

What if you find out now, after her affair, that she does like her nipples tweaked and squeezed, hard? I have found out so much more than I have wanted to know, but realize that some women want it rough. One thing that indeed has improved since her PA, is that she now tells me what she likes, and I love it.

I too found out things that she likes now that she never ever told me she wanted or needed. I'd ask over and over again.. but never got a response. <P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

Me too. I asked her if she was satisfied. I've even broken rule #40 and she has always seemed very satisfied. *Very* satisfied, indeed! She can be pretty good at showing her pleasure. But the truth is that she was very unsatisfied. Not only with the frequency of our intimacy, but the fervency. Now that she has experienced some of the most exciting intmacy anyone can experience, it is nearly impossible to "compete" with those memories. I've read in several locations about surveys done about what is the best sex a woman ever had, and it almost always came back "an affair". Just the thrill of the affair and doing something wrong adds to the experience in a way that all the Kama Sutra in the world can't compete with. But stick to these rules, they're good ones!

GM,<P>What you said about them coming back to normal is soooo disenchanting. I've been there.. still am and its killing me, esteem wise. How does one compete with that. Especially when there is always the question of satisfaction by size, stamina and eroticism?<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

<"34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.<BR>Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't."><P>Well, you learn something new everyday. This explains alot for me. I never understood the fascination, to me it just feels like somewhere between nothing to just icky, NOW I get it. Men know more about women's anatomy than women do about men I guess. Anything else they don't teach you in biology I should know about guys? <P>Most of this I found very funny, thanks for the laugh! (BTW- not all women like the same thing that is for sure for thse of you saying your wives like this or that- well, just like men we can not all be wrapped up into one category). But in general, these are pretty good rules to start out with until you know each other well enough to know or if you are dealing with a woman who doesn't talk about her needs.<P>

OMG...Thanks H2You<BR>I needed a laugh this morning. Some of these are great, some are new info(the prostate thing?), but mostly had me laughin! (You wore it, you store it...hehe)<P>Sadly enough though, there are a great many things that we men do wrong, in the eyes of our partner! The solution? OMG...TALK TO HER!! Cmon fellas, dont be afraid your manhood will be threatened because you actually WANT to know what will please your W!! You may even find that she gets aroused by the sheer fact you are asking her how she likes to be erotic. Communication doesn't end with the emotional needs only! I think you are seeing from some of the responses here, when you find out a thing or two, it makes all the difference in the world!! Men, you may be from Mars, but the bedroom is still on Venus!!<P>*Go confidently in the pursuit of her bedroom dreams. *<P>Trueheart

Very interesting post. I've decided to help you men out with a few of your comments.<P>The first thing that hit me was, 'what if she likes it rough?'---Weellll, men and women are obviously made a bit different thus making it so confusing (for both sides). Anyway women (mostly I think) don't like it rough from the get go. Warm things up slower and more gently, then when she is getting a bit heated, you can begin with a little rougher stuff (in other words don't drag out the whips at the first kiss).<P>The reason you wouldn't want to ask a woman if she um...you know is because it puts pressure on her to protect your ego. And you know where that leads.<P>I can't give much advice on the thrill of the A because I have not had one myself, but from a woman's point of view, yes thrill can be very good, but who says you can't give it to her? After my H's A, we acted like kids, doing it in the car, couldn't keep our hands off each other, spicing things up a bit...remember when you were first intimate? That was a thrill, not that we've matured and settled into life it's easy to let things get hum drum. A big thing for the thrill and also liking it rough would be that you can't keep your hands off of her and have an urgency for her. Make it a game throughout the day that you want her so bad and that she is looking so good--it really builds the excitment!<P>The whole size thing is more of an issue with you men than it is for us. If it is extreemly (and I do mean extreemly) large or small, it may make a bigger difference, however, most men are very adequately sized where it's what you do that counts. To put it in you mens sense of mind, regarding womens breasts, (I may be way off here) but from what I understand, the actual size doesn't so much matter, but when you fantasize, do you think about the little ones? Same idea for a woman. However, I'm not sure if men do it, but a woman can fantasize about her H with a different body or personality.<P>Like it said in the original, stamina is not what's important, it's that you have finished the job. In my experience I've found the worst thing about a man being too early is that he is all over her during the act (which is great) but when the guy is done, he lets go and just sort of lets her do all the work---very difficult for her, she needs to know how hot she is.<P>All people are different but this is just my experience and 2 cents. I hope it helps.

Ha! Ha! Needed a good laugh this am -some of these, I agree with Trueheart, are quite humorous!<BR>Thanks!<BR>S

I am definitely planning and even looking forward to stepping up the eroticism and thrill. We've never done it in the car, and there are tons of things I have in mind. But right now she still has that distant look in her eyes (haha, H2U, that song is STUCK in my head now) and I know she just doesn't get into it when I try and touch her in any way. It is going to take time. But it will be worth it because it is going to wild and heck when the time comes. <P>But the bottom line is still this... no matter what you do, you can't expect her ever to think it was as good as the PA. You can do everything in the book, but you're missing that one element and it won't ever be the same for her. The way I accept that is that she ruined it for herself. I will give her everything her heart desires, but if it falls short, it won't be because I was inadequate, but because she gave into temptation and knew what she was getting into.

eek! I sure didn't need to read THIS! It's pretty funny, and pretty accurate.... but oops - got my mind wandering. I already miss my H enough as it is. Honey, come home soon! <P>------------------<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited July 24, 2001).]

LOL Faith..<P>I know the feeling...VEGAS in 8 days!!! hmmm...need to memorize # 7,12,23...lol...(just kidding, but I know somebody went to see what 7,12, and 23 are LOL)<P>hehehe!!!<P>Trueheart

H2Y--<P>I'm thinkin'....I'm thinkin'....<P>Okay...got it.<P>41) DON'T ROLL OVER. GRUNT. THEN, FALL FAST ASLEEP. Snoring right after is a big turn-off. Women like to be cuddled, stroked, caressed...if she hasn't climaxed...make sure she does...then hold her while the aftershocks roll...<P>I know...I just don't know my place...many men have tried to put me there, none have succeeded... <P>Cali<p>[This message has been edited by JustPlainCali (edited July 24, 2001).]

Good one Cali!

ok Cali...hehe...<P>41)<BR>a) After wild raucous love making (and H putting Cali in her place)call Dominoes for large pepperoni pizza and great conversation before starting in again!!<P>Vegas is gonna be fun!!<P>Trueheart

#41 Don't hop up immediately and jump into the shower as though realizing that you just bathed in radioactive waste!

thank you so much for this. Made me laugh. Mind you, having been celibate for 7 months now, it's a bit more than I can bear!!!!!!!!!<P>OMG - did I say that?????????<P>

Ditto Bonnet .. but I got ya beat. Believe me, I'm NOT bragging!<P>Jo

Amendment to #41: Wait for the after glow and don't blow it by farting in bed!!! Oops are we allowed to print that! <P><BR>L.

Oh my gosh! I was just on my way out and your post caught my eye...Thank you for giving me such a good laugh! Oh and by the way, I enjoy many of your thought-provoking posts.<P>~FLgal~<P>