What EN is absent the most in your situation and the duration of loss? <P>I'm curios to see what EN is missing the most in all of our situations regardless of BS or WS and the duration of the absense.<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town

This is an easy one...honesty and openness for sure is what I'm missing. He lied to me all through the affair and continues to lie by denying it. Looking back I think he's kept lots from me throughout our marriage (12 years). But for sure I can say it's been missing for 2 years+<P>------------------<BR>I'm standing here until you make me move.<BR>I'm hanging by a moment here with you.<BR>From Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse

I can only pick one? Well, all of them for 10 weeks since he left. I miss affection and conversation the most.<P>But the EN that has been missing the longest is Honesty and Openness for at least 2 years (he says he's been "out of love" for that long - but never told me). Other EN's lacked just a little - but I think - or thought - that was just normal.<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

It's funny, but I don't ever remember having emotional needs met. (OK, so maybe funny is not the right word.) I grew up in a home where all my physical needs were met, but not the emotional ones. I knew from day one that I was an "accident" and my presence was neither wanted nor appreciated. I was never kissed or hugged until I started dating. I never heard the words "I love you" until I was engaged. I was told that I was the biggest dissappointment in my parents' lives because with my brains I could have "made something of myself" but I chose to become a math teacher.<P>I say all this only to explain that because of this upbringing, I did not think it strange that my husband did not meet my emotional needs. He announced on our second night of marriage "I hope you don't think we're going to make love all the time just because we're married." We do talk a lot (nothing too intimate.) We don't really have fun together. I make more money than he does (just a little); and we go our separate ways a lot of the time.<P>In answer to your question, I don't know what emotional need is absent the most in my situation, but its been gone for a long, long time.

Was (and still is) recreational companionship. My H was never home and we never did anything really. I would say that's the biggest contributor to my EA.

Sorry, forgot duration. 9 years.<P>------------------<BR>When we walk to the edge of all the light we have, and take that step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen - there will be something there for us to stand on, or God will teach us how to fly.

Hi H2U,<P>Good survey.<P>Lemme see .. I'd say the EN I miss the most is SF and intimacy, next would be convo and below those I'd say recreational companionship. The absence duration is approx 3+ years.<P>Jo

H2U,<P>Like everyone hasn't heard?<P>Hand in hand: Affection, SF (intimacy). Declined from 6 yrs ago, around 1994, completely void from about 1998, absolutely none (really) from Feb 2000 until now. 1 semi time in 15 mos (April 2001).<P>And why is it I still believe in the institution of marriage?<P>hugs, aftershock

For me----recreational companionship and openness/honesty. I don't ever remember having any of these needs met by my H.<BR>We have been married 32 years and after one week I knew we were in trouble. On our first anniversary, H spent it drinking with the guys.<P>Now affection---for about a year.<P>One EN that has been met----we have learned to have good, supportive conservation. <P>TW

Since d-day, April 25...no I Love Yous...not even me, too. He just gives me this look....when I say it...very disheartening...<P>no holding hands...I used to put my hand on his right thigh or hold his hand when he drove...noticed that he now drives with right hand...<P>No after sex cuddling (see your other post)...<P>I guess it's Affection...when I filled out EN Q...I put SF, yeah we're 'intimate,' but frankly has never been 'enough.' However, lately I've decided that it's not really that there wasn't enough SF...but not enough affection and I just wanted more SF because affection wasn't there...does that make sense????<P>Cali

Honesty... then affection

My EN that havn't been met would be recreational companionship since the birth of our first child he would go out on the weekends without me, we never go fishing( he went w/ OW!!!!!), we don't do much of anything together away from the house and kids.<BR> My EN-affection is starving. He shows it but it is few and far between.<BR> Fortunatly, he has been a little more open about the A than most of other WS have been.

I'm missing my soulmate. <P>When I met this lady she completely bewitched me. She's the only person I've ever met that stands beside me as a friend, a partner, a lover, a mother and my equal. It was so powerful I felt our soul's touch, we were so in tune with each other. <P>I miss my soulmate and I don't know how long she's been gone. I just know she's not there right now and I'm just hoping that I can find her again.<P>

Family commitment. What hurts the worse is that the man who once put his family above everything now cares so little about his children. His kids see him at most 12 hours a month; he never calls to talk to them, and he rarely emails them. This has been getting progressively worse since the day he left, almost 2.5 years ago.

I think Honesty and Openness have actualy been more prevalant in our situation than most of yours. Sometimes the H&O is worse to deal with than the lies. My wife is my best friend and she's mine, so even though things were tough, she was honest with me. The only loss really, was when the H&O took place. That is what changed. Instead of H&O being spoken for first, before deception occured.. it resulted afterwards. That is what hurt the most.. Of course.. this started first with D-Day 2-22-99. Things have changed, and the H&O is coming back slowly..<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town