Ok, I need a little advice on a difficult topic. And I'm a little embarrased to ask the question but you people are pretty sensitive and I'm sure everybody will handle it in a respectful way. So here goes.<P>Being very blunt, I want to discuss our sex life with my wife (WS) - but everytime I broach the subject she runs for cover. Now, as a bit of background, she was raised in a girls catholic school. She also has a sister - her whole family is short on boys. So before we met, she'd had some experiences with men but not many. She often uses these points in her defence and hides behind them.<P>Don't get the wrong idea, when we're intimate, it's the best. However, she's never initiated our sessions and despite my encouragment limits her, lets say involvement. So, basically I'm always giving and my taker is saying, you need something more.<P>Over the years I've put it down to her selfish streak and her inability to give. What advice can you offer to help me help her discuss this difficult topic and encourage her to get more involved.<P>Any ideas ? <P>I'm nervous now about hitting the 'Submit New Topic' button and please don't laugh. Oh well, here goes.<P><BR>

Freddy - you gave me a smile all day with the basis for your MB name.<P>This is not a dumb question. Maybe you should also post it on the EN board.<P>But, first things first. What's the status of her affair? Forgive me for not knowing. Efforts on your part on the sex thing should maybe be delayed until she's far enough along in recovery.<P>That said, I think there also has to be total openness and honesty on the part of both of you. This has to be accomplished as the foundation of all other aspects of the relationship. Establish this and all else should follow?<P>WAT

hi Freddy <BR>I decided to answer because I was also raised in the girls catholic school system. it's amazing how much that can affect you regarding sexuality. I have been married 12 years and I still often think "what would sister thomas think about this" lol. I have no idea how old your wife is,<BR>how long you have been married or how much of this is her catholic influence or like you say, selfishness. I'd suggest going slowly with her and maybe when you are being intimate tell her what turns you on or what you would like etc. Make sure to do it in a loving way and remember to romance her BEFORE the intimacy begins because for most women, that's where it starts. hope this helps<P>------------------<BR>I'm standing here until you make me move.<BR>I'm hanging by a moment here with you.<BR>From Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse

Freddy,<BR>It is the most natural thing that people think about all day. You sound very sensitive, we are happy to hear that someone really cares about this for their mate. Like all the books say, giving love is an all day thing, give her lots of hugs, holds, and kisses; make that a primate focus in bed (without doing the ...). Women are programmed at such an early age how wrong sex is - until you get married, but subconsciously it is still there. Women think that men are always pushing sex on them, so try to not make it an issue, and just show affection - see how this goes, you may find she will start warming up (excluding the fog she may have to swipe through). hugs, aftershock<BR>(p.s. read my "how should I feel about this? - and let me know what you think). That was hard for me to hit the submit new topic.