Someone please tell me what he is thinking. My H is grouchy almost all the time, although he does not get enough sleep. I am doing Plan A, so I am doing all these things for him. I get a positive response occasionally, but I don’t feel like he is happy. I said to him last night that I just can’t seem to make you happy and his response was…Yeah, I just don’t know what is wrong with me.<BR>He told me about the A eleven months ago and since then has still had contact with the OW. He confessed to sleeping with her about seven months ago and claims that was the last time. However, he was with her family over the fourth of July and she was there. He said they only kissed. I believe him simply because he has told me everything else. Could he be going through withdrawal again, even though it has been three weeks and I didn’t really see any signs of this before a few days ago? <BR>We’ve been going out on dates and having a great time, he even said this. But I can’t understand what is bothering him now. She was hanging out on the street (her usual location, within sight of our house), on Monday. Could that have sent him back into withdrawal mode? I know he hasn’t been with her since the fourth, because he hasn’t had time. He has decided to stay home more, thank GOD. <BR>Another thing that I am confused on is why he won’t write her a no contact letter, unless he feels that it is not necessary because their contact is minimal. Yet she is the one trying to contact him. I mean he doesn’t hang out in front of her house to get her attention or flag her down along the street or stand behind her storage shed and knock…. He is trying to go on with his life but she won’t leave him alone. My H refuses to get a restraining order against her too. She was suppose to move out of the neighborhood earlier this month, but it hasn’t happened. How can I convince him to pursue one of these actions? He doesn’t want any legal action against her (I assume because of her children)<BR>She has two kids of her own, whom she somewhat neglects because of being too preoccupied with chasing my H. Yes I say CHASE because she has chased him from the time we moved into the neighborhood. The fact that I was gone in the evenings aided the A, but my absence has ended.<BR>One final question: How can I give my H my undivided attention when I have children who are desperate for my attention too? My children are suffering the results of me being stressed all the time. I yell at them more and my oldest is acting out a lot of anger. What can I do to give them equal attention? <BR>

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Stressed . . . <P>We gather you've read SAA - Surviving an Affair - this is your first step if you've not done so - then HNHN. There absolutely - ABSOLUTELY - cannot be any contact - you are right, he is going through withdrawal (depression and anger). He has not made the decision to leave her yet, as long as he won't do "NO Contact" letter - she is still in his life. You've heard "fog", he is doing "sitting on the fence" doesn't know which way to go - at your expense. I know about the frustration and blowing your top at the kids, get into your head to be really nice to them, they know something is going on - just not exactly what - they need lots of kindness too. Look at it this way, do unto others as you would have them do unto you - if you want them to be sweet and kind, you be sweet and kind - works both ways.<P>Try to take each day as it comes - we know it is hard, we are all here with our turmoil, and sorting our life out - I am a BS too, my H had an EA - just as bad - to know your spouse gave attention to someone else. I know you are in intense emotional pain, suffering, hurt, anxiety, etc. you probably wouldn't wish this on your worst enemy - and now your spouse has done it to you. It is horrible. Hope this helps, talk to us, we'll talk back, hugs, aftershock