I know I'm new here, and perhaps it's too soon to be a winey baby, but I am so tired of all of this. My story is at the address below:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum19/HTML/000887.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum19/HTML/000887.html</A> <P>I am so tired of waiting for him to "decide" if he wants to quit resenting me. I am so tired of being "friendly". I want so bad to tell him where he can go. I love him so very much, and I want it to work out, not just for me, but also for my three boys. But I am soooo tired. It'll be four months on the 29th that we've been seperated. We haven't been intimate in that long either - says he doesn't want to hurt me. Now isn't that a perfect example of "paradox". Doesn't he realize I am already hurting. I guess I should respect his decision, for at least he is taking my feelings into consideration.<P>My BIL told me that H was talking to him about me Saturday, about how wonderful I look and the changes I'm making (physically) to myself. My BIL told him, "for someone who doesn't love her, you sure are excited about her." My H told him, "now, I never said I didn't love her." What???? He's told me time and again he no longer loves me, or should I say, is no longer "in" love with me. Of course he loves me as the mother of his children. <P>He says he doesn't know how long it will take him to make his decision. I've asked him to go to counseling, everything. He's one of those people who doesn't believe in counseling. Well, I've never had counseling, but I'm willing to try anything. <P>I mean, he's not having an active affair, so why is this still taking so long. He's there every day, sometimes sleeps there (not with me), which kills me, and even does things with us, like goes to the movies. This is so hard. How can I continue to be around him constantly and keep my sanity. I try to avoid him as much as possible when he's around. I can't even make conversation, I'm so hurt.<P>Sorry for this long post, but I am so tired - never sleep - I need more prayer.