I haven't posted in awhile... TOO much going on. Things<BR>just get worse.. I really have been trying to PLAN A.<BR>I have enabled, been nice... NOW ALL I AM IS A DOOR MAT.<BR>I want help on how to become the DOOR that can shut this<BR>pain out.<P>Week of July 8: He stayed in hotel because I caught him at<BR> OW house AGAIN.. Found out he was not alone..OW was<BR> there with him a lot.<P>July 14: Was VERY rude, Said he's hurting too many people<BR> he better **** or get off the pot. He said there's<BR> two boats that keep rowing backwards. He said VERY<BR> rude..HE doesn't want to have anything to do with me.<P>July 16: Told me he really did still love me.. He was an<BR> emotional wreck. He kissed me. Hugged me. Prayed <BR> for us. He then kept kissing me. Then he forced<BR> himself on me. Then he said sorry he did that to<BR> OW too and felt bad. He said he just doesn't have<BR> those feelings for me anymore. Said searched deep in<BR> soul and has not found them yet. Forced himself on <BR> me cuz he wanted to make himself have those feelings<BR> again for me. He said he was wishing it was OW.<BR> He said he thinks his heart is somewhere else now.<BR> He said he really loves my but I have to get myself<BR> together for when he gives me the papers he doesn't<BR> want me to fall off the edge. He left said he was<BR> going to OW house. She was at work anyway.<P>July 17: He called said he wasn't going to be at home<BR> I asked where he was going to be. He said at OW<BR> house. I said I was hurt by this. Our twin girls<BR> stayed at H's parents most of this week because <BR> our sitter was on vacation.<P>July 18: H's birthday.. We ate. I told him Happy Birthday<BR> He was very affectionate. We kissed and hugged.<BR> I told him I remembered the time when he only had<BR> three little hairs on his chest. We laughed.<BR> He prayed with me for us. He said he had to leave<BR> again. He said it's working his heart is growing<BR> fonder for me. He kissed me again. And couldn't <BR> walk out the door. He kissed and hugged me again.<BR> He said he loved me. Said he had to go otherwise<BR> we would end up in bed. <P>July 19: He was more distant. He got girls and he got<BR> card from his parents saying they were praying for<BR> him for satins grip to be released from him. He<BR> laid in bed. He asked me if everyone at my work<BR> knows about it. I said no why??? He said when<BR> he came into work to get keys to my car no one<BR> would look at him and if they walked toward him<BR> they would turn around and walk the other way.<BR> I asked if that why he was so rude to me. He said<BR> part of it. I told him I could not help what people<BR> did.<BR>July 20: Got home from work. Girls said they went to movie<BR> with daddy and Paula... I was VERY upset. I told <BR> him not to ever do this again and he did. I told<BR> him that I was upset about this. I told him<BR> if needed I would get an injunction against it.<BR> He came up to me and basically said we're over<BR> & I'm just going to have to come to reality.<BR> He said he knew it was wrong but he had the time<BR> of his life. He said OW just filled his void<BR> he said OW fills his emotional and sexual needs<BR> she was there when he needed someone. I said<BR> I never knew. I took girls back to his parents <BR> family members back from out of state visiting.<BR> At family get together the girls said daddy and<BR> Paula took them to movies. H's mother started<BR> to cry I started to cry. It ruined our entire<BR> time. One of my little ones said that she didn't<BR> like going to movies with OW she wanted mommy there.<BR> That night one of my little ones woke up screaming<BR> DADDY..DADDY...DADDY.. I ran to her bedside..I said<BR> mommy is here...she said DADDY..DADDY..where's mommy<BR> mommy's gone...<P>July 21: H called me on my cell phone when he woke up<BR> said he was going to another party. I said I was<BR> going back to his parents to give his mother b-day<BR> present. He said for what it's worth he was sorry<BR> what happened. Then later on that day he called me<BR> on cell phone, called his brother, and parents house<BR> to let us know we had well problems at home, no <BR> water. He said I might just as well stay there.<BR> The girls wanted to go home. I got home around<BR> 11:30pm. H never came home all night. He stayed<BR> at OW all night long. <P>July 22: Well repair people showed up at 7:00am. Said need<BR> new well dug. $6000 - $10,000 cost. H finally<BR> showed up at 8:30am. I was up all night long.<BR> My stomach just was sick. I wrote him a letter<BR> telling him that I have been foolish helping him<BR> have his affair. I told if thats what he wanted<BR> he could have that but not me too. I said he was not<BR> welcome at home or did not want to talk or see him<BR> until he could give this marriage a chance it <BR> deserves. He could choose a person to use as contact<BR> for when he wanted to see the girls every other <BR> weekend. When he showed up I told him to leave.<BR> He was shocked that I was home. Then read letter<BR> came in with some food that he brougt to party.<BR> I said he could leave. He said he didn't know what<BR> lawyer I have been talking to but he knew the laws<BR> to he can see kids whenever he wants. He said<BR> again that he is divorcing he should have many years<BR> ago. I told him it's really sad to throw away<BR> everything. Plus the children do not have any say<BR> in it. He got nasty with me. I said to leave.<BR> Then got rude. I said what kind of woman is this<BR> OW to let a married mad sleep in her bed and her<BR> kids see what she's doing. She's a married woman<BR> too. I said I knew things about her that scare<BR> me & know for a fact that she has done this before<BR> broken a marriage. I told H to leave. He sat in<BR> chair and broke down. He said he knew what he<BR> needed to to, go there and break it off and work<BR> on marriage. But he said he can't it's going to<BR> destroy and kill her. I he was already married<BR> and I'm his wife and that's all he has to remember<BR> He was really thinking about breaking it off.<BR> He just cried his eyes out. Without knowing it<BR> I educated and preached some to him. H even said<BR> he read the letter from Trueheart to all WS<BR> H said he just cried when he read letter. <BR> But then he said he gave it to OW to read. But<BR> then she probably turned it all around in her <BR> favor so H did not take it to heart anymore.<BR> kept walking around having a hard struggle, He<BR> asked me why I couldn't have alway been this loving<BR> I said I have not really changed I have alway been<BR> here like this. He hugged me and cried. He said<BR> he wasn't sure. He said he must be a really hollow<BR> person but he said what he had to do would be really<BR> hard. He went back to have a long talk with him<BR> mother. He got back home and slept.<BR> <BR>July 23: He was VERY rude. Didn't even want to look at<BR> me. I saw he went to OW house and she gave him<BR> "The Divorcing Book" She has pages marked and<BR> highlited for him. I also saw he went to our<BR> banks and got all the print outs and balances<BR> of our financial and loan status. He has pay<BR> check stubs, too. I went out to eat with one<BR> of my brothers for lunch. H called asked if I <BR> talked to my other brother..I said no why. He<BR> said I might as well just tell everyone.. I said<BR> why..He said never mind. My other brother called<BR> me said he saw H in restraunt with OW. He said he<BR> made a point to see him and say hello. He said<BR> H had an "Oh ****" look. I emailed H mother and told<BR> her. H's mother called before she left work. Said<BR> she wanted to come out and talk to me. I said maybe<BR> it wasn't a good idea. She said she needed to talk<BR> to me. I got home told H that his mother was coming<BR> out to talk to me. H said I bet my dad is coming<BR> too.. The phone rang. It was H's mother. H went<BR> outside & was yelling and screaming on phone.<BR> I called H's dad wondered what the heck was going on<BR> he said I will soon find out. Well, H invited<BR> his mother to lunch. When she walked in the restraunt<BR> her is H and OW. His mother turned around and walked<BR> out. They said they knew she would act and behave<BR> like this. They tricked H mother to come back<BR> she is a very good Christian person she thought<BR> maybe they were going to say they would break it off.<BR> OW told H's mother that she is treating her son<BR> like a two year old he can make his own choices<BR> and do what he wants. OW also told h's mother<BR> she is not going after her son, she is not pressuring<BR> him or after him in anyway. Then H's mother said<BR> then why do you call him crying and begging him<BR> to come over. Then when H says no more talking<BR> you write him letter, give him card, give him<BR> horoscopes and fortunes. Letters saying I love<BR> you, want you, miss you, need you. Saying<BR> you want to raise children together. H is<BR> everything she wants in a partner. OW said<BR> she would make all of his dreams come true.<BR> OW also gave H a nice watch for his B-day.<BR> H's mother asked OW if her parents approved of<BR> what she was doing with a married man with children<BR> she said her parents are behind her all the way<BR> they approve of what she's doing. H's mother<BR> told H that he needed to stop what he's doing<BR> & work on marriage, she said there are such things<BR> as marriage vows you promised to each other before<BR> GOD. They told H's mother he is moving out<BR> and already has some things packed. (Well he didn't)<BR> H's mother asked OW how she could ever trust H<BR> he's cheating on his wife and OW you are cheating<BR> on your H and have several times cheated how can<BR> you trust each other? And H's mother walked out.<BR> She never felt so hurt and asshamed by what her<BR> son did to her. H was going to take off. He had<BR> clothes in truck to take a shower cuz he was going<BR> to another party. I asked where he ws taking a <BR> shower. He said where do you think..I said no you<BR> are not, you can take one at home..then he stopped<BR> truck and took one at home. He said he has<BR> lied to me so much and has been SO>>> UNFAITHFUL<BR> that I couldn't even imagine it but he said<BR> he's to the point where he doesn't care. He was<BR> so upset with his mother he said she was no longer<BR> welcome in our home or take our children. I said<BR> there's where he's wrong. She is welcome to do<BR> what she wants. I left to meet a friend for dinner.<BR> This friend works with H. She was so upset. She<BR> loves my H like a brother. She didn't know what<BR> to do. H took OW to this party and they were sitting<BR> there, OW was rubbing his legs then they left for<BR> 25 minutes and then came back. OW is bragging<BR> that H comes over all the time. People at the <BR> Police Department are SICK. They don't know who<BR> H is either. I heard so many stories about OW.<BR> She told my H that the banker she was seeing <BR> she never had sex with. Well the reason why<BR> he got fired is because they were caught in the<BR> bank having sex. OW daughter was having a hard<BR> time emotionaly about OW and her H's separation.<BR> School called OW home and her H's home. Finally<BR> the DARE officer drove to OW house. OW was there<BR> the whole time. The officer chewed her out for<BR> not answering the phone. OW told the officer<BR> it was not her day to have custody of her daughter<BR> to contact her H. The officer had to track down<BR> the H. He was at Police training and had to leave<BR> and go to school to be with his daughter. OW<BR> showed up a while later wearing a lepard skin outfit<BR> looked like a "SLUT" OW doesn't have any friends<BR> the friend she had figured her out how manipulative<BR> and lying she is. But my H thinks she's gold.<BR> When H got home that night at 12:45am from that <BR> party I told him it was too hurtful. He needed<BR> to stay at one of the motels I gave him. I said<BR> I was going to talk to my lawyer the next day about<BR> an injuction too. He asked what kind I said<BR> I was tired and wanted to sleep. He then came<BR> in bedroom and said for all it's worth I'm sorry.<P>July 24: H was home fixed a pizza. He ate in kitchen<BR> the girls and I ate in living room. We sat down<BR> to color. He got clothes on and girls asked<BR> what he was doing. He said going to motel.<BR> Then he said no girls I'm going to work.<BR> To come find out. He stopped at the Police Dispatch<BR> Center to talk to OW. Then later on that<BR> night OW called home and told one of her kids<BR> to go upstairs to her bed and wake up H. I guess<BR> H called his mother at 10:20pm to appologize.<BR> She basically told H that he was sick and should<BR> see a doctor.<P>July 25: H came home like nothing happened. Helped get<BR> girls ready for sitter. I got in care and waved<BR> good-bye. I talked to a counselor that H has<BR> seen once. H said he really likes him. <BR> He even told me today that H needs to get a <BR> reality check. My H just called me here at work<BR> said he got the kids from sitter and was going to<BR> start making supper. Like again NOTHING happened<BR> what he has all done to us is okay.<P>I talked to Dr. Harley Tuesday, July 24. Spent most of <BR>the time caughting him up on things. He said too it's time<BR>for separation. He said to say the reason for separation<BR>is because it hurts to much. That I'm not ready to give<BR>up on marriage just that it hurts too much.<P>How can I have him get out. YOu don't know how he is<BR>he has this COP ego that no one can tell him what to do.<BR>I want him to get to reality. I know he's about ready to <BR>file. He's got all bank statements. <P>I need all your opinions please..... If you have anything<BR>to add on a personal note you can email me at home:<BR>abubbaheidi@aol.com<P>Does this sound hopeless to you all???? My H is a Police <BR>Officer and this affair thing and divorce is normal.<BR>He's probably getting advise from other losers. <BR>There have been other cops who have filed and lived with<BR>their wives until the judge kicks them out.<P>HELP..... I really feel like this is HOPELESS.. How<BR>learn how to get my H's attention... I really want<BR>my family and husband back.<P><BR>LOVEMESS<P>Additional information: When I got home from work tonight. My H had already fixed supper and ate with the kids. He got his police uniform ready and put it in the truck. I saw a letter that way laying there I started to read part of it. I was from his high school close friend who is a girl. I knew her too. My H and her alway hung out as friends. My H has been talking with her. I respect that my H has a close friend like this. This friend got pregnant while unmarried by a one night stand by a black person (I'm not pregudist by the way) but we lived in a small town and she was sure the talk. I admired her for holding her head up. My H was there for her too. Then my H's friend got married a few years later to this guy but divorced him a year or so ago. Now she is re-married again. Well some of the letter I started to read was that she told my H if he had been trying for so long in the marriage it comes to a point where it's no use anymore. She said she was told all the religious crap too. She basically said he would be forgiven by God. This was a four page letter. I know it was all in the favor of a divorce and probably gave the okay for the relationship with the OW. I really feel like sitting down and talking to my H's high school friend and tell her that I love my H and I want him to work on the marriage. But we have not ever been that close she may just tell me she doesn't want to talk to me. What do you think? Should I talk to her? I know if I could get her to tell my H to work on marriage he really might listen to her. But it could also backfire and he and her could really hate me and make matters a lot worse. I don't know again, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. But I want to do everything I can to try to save this marriage. I really think if I could talk to my H's friend IF she would help, I know for a FACT Cory might see the light from her. Tell me what you would all tell this high school friend of my H's? <P>Forgot to finish my story. My H loaded up his uniform stuff in truck and I asked where he was going. He said where do you think, to OW house. I told him it was hurtful and that this is going to stop tonight. He said not to worry he was getting keys tomorrow for another place. I drove back to his parents house I couldn't be alone again tonight. I love my H, I hate what he's doing. But I also don't want to lose everything we have. We have so much tied up financially. We have a beautiful acreage that we have always wanted. We live in the country with no neighbors. We have horses, pony, dogs, cats, chickens. Our TWIN girls are in HEAVEN. I they have so many things to do and explore. I don't have to worry about them in the street or someone stopping by to pick them up. Now it will ALL have to go if my H thinks he wants a divorce. Because he can't afford it on his own and I can't afford it on my own. Plus there's WAY to much work for one person to do. We have put six years of blood, sweat and tears in our home. The hard work has sure paid off. But since this affair my H said nothing means anything to him. Now since he has someone else supporting him besides OW. HE will run with it. He was SO rude to me tonight. I saw he is reading more and more of the "The Divorcing Book" He can't read all the beautiful things I have been reading. It's making me fall in love with him all over again. But what do you do??? Nothing and that's the hardest thing. <P>[This message has been edited by LoveMess (edited July 25, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by LoveMess (edited July 25, 2001).]

Stop letting your H come and go and walk all over you. It seems his "crying" and "breaking down" have an effect on you in his favor. HOw convenient for him to have two women who seem so willing to let him back in to thier hearts once he opens his mouth and eyes and let it all flow out!<BR>I'd go ahead and seek the advice of an attorney. Maybe not file for a divorce just yet, but maybe a legal seperation with visitation spelled out for the both of you, no other women allowed in the same house on over niters with the kids, you know. Maybe he doesn't seriously believe that either one of you will ever put your foot down and demand the respect you both deserve. <BR>Someone should stand up for themselves (you) and those kids too. <BR>Might as well jump off the roller coaster ride and wait and see if he ever does too.<BR>Good luck and I certainly hope things get better for you.

LoveMess:<BR>At the risk of being dumped on AGAIN by everybody here, (but I can take it), I HAVE to reply.<BR>I almost replied to your recent post when you talked about your H forcing himself on you sexually, because I was so offended by his behavior. But I resisted, expecting the usual backlash that I get here for pointing out the obvious.<BR>I'm sorry for all the pain you are experiencing, but - the fact is, - your husband is HORRIBLE! He is verbally, psychologically, and sexually abusive to you. He is downright mean and cruel. Why do you put up with him? Why do you even WANT him at ALL? Why don't you get yourself together, think positively, and move in a positive direction, instead of dwelling on every horrible deed your H does? I guarantee you, some day you'll meet a NICE man who will appreciate you and treat you like a special lady. Why put up with less than you deserve? Don't waste life's precious time on someone who treats you so badly. He's not worth it and he doesn't deserve you. You deserve better than him.<BR>Good luck. And don't sell yourself short.

As I was reading your post, I was swearing (under my breath, as my 2 yr old isn't quite sleeping yet). That S.O.B.!!! I will admit, I'm not sure if I've read posts by you in the past (I read so many... and tend to get most confused), but..... AUGH!!! This H of yours is being a manipulative [censored]!!! <P>I would suggest some tough love here. Go get some legal advice. Get him out of your house. Stop letting him waffle. It's killing you inside. Just as shedawg suggested, you ought to get off of the rollercoaster ride now. <P>I'm still burning up inside. I want to take him and just shake the crap out of him, knock some sense into him... and I"m NOT a physically violent person! (I've been nasty verbally... but that's one of my changes for the better.. not that it shows on here sometimes.. gotta love this board for venting!).<P>Take some time for you right now. Just those little things that can help you relax some.. bubble baths, new haircut, manicure, read a really good book you can get lost in, etc.<P>Keep us posted on how you're doing, and what you're doing. You know we're here for you. ((((((( LM )))))))<P>Karen<P>p.s. how old are your twins? I have 5 month old fraternal boys.

LoveMess...<P>Letter on its way tonite... <P>True

loveMess. I can't believe what you just wrote. It seems that he is having his cake and eating it too. He is very much in the fog. Break your contact with him and get him out of the house before he causes more damage to you and the children. If he is flunting this relationship around your comunity then send him the one signal that will give him a reality check. He must leave the house and do the right thing. You need to start plan B now.

My twin girls just turned five years old. Boy are they a handfull. I love my girls but they put a stress on a marriage too. Along with my H being a Police Officer working third shift always sleeping. Then he works a part-time job at a hospital and also works for a farmer. We have an acreage that takes A LOT OF WORK and we have a lot of animals. Plus I work full-time first shift. Spare time...NONE. Thanks for your reply. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Topie25:<BR><B>As I was reading your post, I was swearing (under my breath, as my 2 yr old isn't quite sleeping yet). That S.O.B.!!! I will admit, I'm not sure if I've read posts by you in the past (I read so many... and tend to get most confused), but..... AUGH!!! This H of yours is being a manipulative [censored]!!! <P>I would suggest some tough love here. Go get some legal advice. Get him out of your house. Stop letting him waffle. It's killing you inside. Just as shedawg suggested, you ought to get off of the rollercoaster ride now. <P>I'm still burning up inside. I want to take him and just shake the crap out of him, knock some sense into him... and I"m NOT a physically violent person! (I've been nasty verbally... but that's one of my changes for the better.. not that it shows on here sometimes.. gotta love this board for venting!).<P>Take some time for you right now. Just those little things that can help you relax some.. bubble baths, new haircut, manicure, read a really good book you can get lost in, etc.<P>Keep us posted on how you're doing, and what you're doing. You know we're here for you. ((((((( LM )))))))<P>Karen<P>p.s. how old are your twins? I have 5 month old fraternal boys.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Wow! You certainly are busy. How are you doing today? <P>Karen

Well, today Lostva wrote my H a beautiful letter. H read it and then I see he snuck it out of the house probably for OW to read and manipulate it like she always does with everying else. When I got home H was acting nice. He said he wanted to go out to eat. We all did as a family. I wasn't sure if I should or not. He sure doesn't deserve to be with us or me. He actually stayed home tonight too. When we got home he read the letter of course from Lostva. Me and the girls were playing with bubbles out side. He said he wanted to talk to me. He laid down in bed. He took my hand and prayed that God guide us & help us to follow the right directions and help us from sin. Then he said he did something today that will hurt me and it was the hardest things he has done. He told me he rented that house. He said he wanted to sit down tomorrow night and go over what needs to be done with the twins. I had tears in my eyes. He said that he read the letter and he said he would never do some of the things that, that WS has done. I asked him why he never finds any positive or hope in anything he reads? He said he wasn't pointing out the negative. He took a nap. This is the first time he has taken a nap her at home in three weeks. Then I saw the letter that his best friend from high school wrote him. Yes, I snooped like I shouldn't have. She told him it is rough right now he will feel like everyone is against him. They will come around to his decision to divorce. These things happen sometimes when you try to just stay in a marriage. She said it's unhealthy but you try hard but it doesn't work it makes it worse. She said she does understand that religous stuff and she struggled with it too in her divorce but she said he will have to ask God for forgiveness. She said for him DON'T stay in a marriage that just won't work out & you will be unhappy for years.<BR>You try and try but come to a point where you can't anymore.<BR> Everyone will be fine... She said he needed to live his life for "him" don't worry about what everyone else thinks or says. She told me H he would not be selfish by doing this, like people tell you. She said he needs to take care of "him" The twins will be fine too she said. They won't be the first or the last, kids will be FINE. It will be much better to separate and happy than stay together for the kids & be miserable. I know my H has been reading "THE DIVORCE BOOK" he is getting hinters on how to deal with things. I was even convinced divorce will be fine...BUT I DONT WANT THAT. A lot of the Police Officers are divorced on the force. H has been talking to them. They say they get along better with their wives when they are divorced they go there three times or so a week to eat. They can pick up their kids and see them anytime. They make it sound like all fun and games to divorce. How do I handle this from here????? Please advise. What do you think about H's best friends response. I wrote my H's best friend a letter telling her how I feel about H and it came from the heart. <BR>LOVE MESS<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Topie25:<BR><B>Wow! You certainly are busy. How are you doing today? <P>Karen</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>