I'll go first . . .<P>Called the OW . . . and asked her "What did you think you were doing?" <P>aftershock<P><BR>Sorrow looks down<BR>Fear looks around<BR>Faith looks up

Thought I had conclusive, irrifutable eveidence that they were more than friends and he could not possiby continue to deny an affair.<P>Proved me wrong..... never admit, always deny.<BR>Lora

Dumbest thing I did?<P>Become a WS!!<P>Please forgive me!!<P>Trueheart

Sorry - there's plenty of them (dumb things I did).... trying to put them in the past... <P>like... panicked and over-reacted and called H while he was with OW and chewed him out LOUDLY - so OW thinks I am a nut and convinces my H that I am. I was supposed to be in plan A at the time... yeah - trying to show him I learned self-control - ha-ha <P>Gee, thanks for making me remember... <kicking myself>.....<P>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited July 25, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited July 25, 2001).]

1. (Pre-discovery) Asked my H to go over to OW's house to check on her and her boys.<P>2. (Pre-affair) Didn't meet my H's most important EN. Took our marriage for granted. (dumb, dumb, dumb)<P>3. (Pre-affair) Didn't participate in the OCs lives in their early years.<BR>

I'll state some of the dumb things I did AFTER finding out about MB... got some doosies (sigh!)<P>- called H every day<BR>- badmouthed H and OW#1 online (exposed them... actually, I'm glad about that one ..hehehe.. that was before MB)<BR>- called the cops on H (for the minivan key I wanted back)<BR>- called all of the OW I knew of to suggest to them that they get checked for std's if they've slept with my H (after I had an abnormal pap smear)<BR>- created secret identities on a singles board to befriend my H (2 in total.. I confessed both times before he found out)<BR>- created my own identity on that same singles board and talked to a lot of other men (but never met anyone)<BR>- constantly snooped into H's email (found some creative ways to get the passwords by writing to the service providers claiming to be H)<BR>- threatened him with all sorts of legal action on my part<BR>- called his head office to tell them his drivers license had expired<BR>- hyphenated all of the kids names (to Lennon-Kelly instead of just Kelly). Still haven't changed that one. Not sure if I want to, but we haven't discussed it either.<P>Okay. That's all I can remember off of the top of my head. And a note to those who fear each and every LB they make... see.. I did some DOOSIES.. and H has been home now for about 2 months, and things are going good. <P>Karen<BR>

Oh, one more biggie... I went and told just about anyone and everyone what H had done. Now that we're in recovery, it's causing major problems (especially with family).<P>Karen<BR>

OK, so maybe this really is a good topic. I hope all the new people read this and learn what not to do... but like you said Topie - even if we do dumb stuff, things can work out anyway!

Dumbest thing I ever did???? Go over to OW's house and "beat up" WS, which landed me in jail..... OW was glad to call police to "save" WS. WHATEVER..... And you know what I learned from that whole episode? LIE or keep you mouth shut to the police....<P>Other dumb things I did:<P>1. Listen to OW read her childish calendar/diary of all the things she and WS had done.<P>2. Take WS back FIVE times.<P>3. Hell, while we are at it, MARRY the as#$ole!!! With the exception of my girls, of course.<P>You know that song, "If I'd read the last page first, would I do it over again?" Heck no, I wouldn't do it over again with WS. I'd find someone who felt they were EQUAL to me and have their kids. No, I don't resent my kids. They are a precious gift from God. But would I do it differently? Yep!

I would have trusted my gut instinct that something was going on...I would have made sure that I went with him everytime he went to her house...<P>I wouldn't have believed her when she called me and told me that they were just friends...that she loved her husband very much...and they were 'helping' each other with their marriages...<P>How gullible and trusting was I? <P>Cali

1. I pretended that my marriage was still the "model marriage" and didn't seek out help from friends and family when he refused to seek counseling.<BR>2. I did nothing when my H sat in the living room and said he didn't love me anymore. <BR>3. I filled the hole in my heart by having an A instead of separating from my H or seeking a divorce.<BR>4. After my H found out about the A, I layed in bed for 5 days without eating or sleeping, hoping I would die.<BR>5. When we finally went to counseling, I took full blame for our problems instead of discussing my H's drug problem.<BR>6. For an entire year, I felt an enormous need to apologize to the OM? I was also worried about the BS of the OM? What the hell was I thinking?<BR>7. It took approx. 2 years to quit blaming myself for everyone & everything and to come to the realization that I made a TERRIBLE mistake and I should now GROW UP and make my life a happy one!<BR>

I like this thread although it does bring back some bad memories.<P>big mistake: Told H he was such a good boss to drive OW home on the dangerously iced roads<P>big mistake: believing anything he said--boy I am not the smartest cookie am I?<P>big mistake: once I knew, not doing anything about it (what I don't know, but I should have done something right)<P>little mistake: I think I let him come back too soon, not because of him, he was very remorseful, but because when I forgave him as soon as he said he was sorry, I had so much uncertainty about who he was and if he would do this again. Well nevermind, that wasn't a mistake I would have felt like that anyway.<P>big mistake: not putting my H's clean clothes in his drawers<P>big mistake: told him he was worse than my ex H, at least he had balls enough to admit it (oohhh that one still hurts me) I also called him a coward and every other name in the book<P><BR>Regrets after H came back:<P>I had a friend of mine call her H to say this is such and such from the planned parenthood and you are one of the lucky ones on this long list of sexual partners to someone who has HIV, so you do need to get down here to get tested ASAP.<P>Continued calling her H with every MM she was sleeping with for 6 months after it was over with my H.<P>Actually considered having a prison friend of mine (who was still in the business) do some bodily damage to her that would leave quite evident scares. No I never even discussed this but I do regret thinking it. And if any of you really knew me, this revelation right here would throw you into cardiac arrest because I am not like that.<P><BR>BTW, all this and my marriage made it too.

I couldn't have prevented our OW from asking my husband's advice (his profession), her H would have never known the answer - but, hell, isn't that what stores are about - to ask their advice - or do research - if my h hadn't been a "friend" of the family.<P>I am ROTFLMAO - talk about some major rage, weren't there a few LB's in there?<P>Yea, I guess we WILL be alot more careful about sending our men out to help - without us along. Won't make that mistake again.<P>Trueheart - we forgive you - you feel bad about it right? You're forgiven then.<P>Resilient - So true, I guess you could say I took mine a little for granted too. <P>Another mistake I made was to be so naive to think, say, convince myself that my DH would never, never cheat on me. (Of course, since it was a sophomoric thing - it really wasn't cheating now ,was it?).<P>aftershock<P>Sorrow looks down<BR>Fear looks around<BR>Faith looks up<P>

Dumb things?!?!?:<P>1. Listen to advice not to find OW's H and let him know what his wonderful W was up to. <P>2. Take back H too quickly.<P>3. Not let H go earlier so he could fall down quicker.<P>4. Thought I could fix the A. <P>5. Should have filed charges against H sooner. Maybe he would have learned his lesson sooner. <P>6. I apologized too much. More than my share of what I did. Boy that was dumb. <P>7. Gave up the chance to see OW at H's request. Had the perfect opportunity but thought it was more important to keep my word. It was dumb but I still retain my respect. <BR>Even trade?<P>8. Let OW's stupid words get to me and make me cry. Now that was dumb!!!!<P>9. Enabled H too much during our marriage. <P>10. Helped H by packing his bag when he said he needed to go out and think. Right he was thinking about OW not his marriage. <P>11. Tried to believe H was normal. <P>L.<BR> <p>[This message has been edited by Orchid (edited July 26, 2001).]

Blindly trusted my wife. <P>Stayed in Plan A way too long.<P>Didn’t move her stuff out of the house after she laughed off Plan B.<P>Had a revenge affair.<P>Lost way too much sleep over it all.<BR>

1)Confronting him. He might still have been here otherwise.<P>2)Not taking the kids and immediately moving to somewhere with a lower cost of living after he left.<P>3)Giving up my career and home so he could change careers. If I'd had any idea that he would desert us and leave us in poverty... <P>4)Going on a second date with him.

10 years ago - listening to his explanations as to why he was with this guy way too much - even at 2 and 3 am and then saying "Well, that may be fine now, but what do you think you'll say if you ever have an affair?"<P>Over the years - encouraging him to spend weekends away with this guy. His job is stressful and everyone needs a friend.<P>Since D-Day - Saying I would stay way before I was emotionally ready to handle a decision either way. Now I'm feeling guilty because I'm reconsidering that decision that I shouldn't have made in the first place.

Late last month, my W and I were moving our stuff out of the house. At one point, I told my W that I did not believe that OM was still married and living with his W. She asked me if I wanted to ask him myself so I said yes. She called him on her cell phone and I took the phone from her, I had several choice things to tell him. He then told me that when it comes to my W that I blew it. I asked him to repeat what he told me and he did. I then said a few more choice things and then (and here comes the dumb thing) I threw my W's cell phone through the wall. Put a big hole in the sheetrock and broke her cell phone.<P>S&C

1. I wasn't there for her when she needed me. <BR>2. I withdrew from her because she wasn't meeting my EN<P>= <P>3. I let somebody else into our lives<P>which is real dumb :-) and I did it ;-(

1. Gave husband way too many chances in our marriage.<P>2. Allowed him to verbally abuse us over the years.<P>3. Put up with his temper tantrums way too long.<P>4. Allowed him to treat me without respect for our whole marriage.<P>5. Let the kids watch his weird behavior and then I smoothed things over for him.<P>6. Believed him when he said that he was sorry...then he did it over and over and over.<P>7. Worked to make this a "model" marriage....so people didn't know the misery he caused.<P>8. Believed him when he said he wouldn't bring her here when I went to Europe.<P>9. Felt deep down that I was somehow not good enough for him.<P>10. Am still wondering how I could have made it better--so that our relationship could have worked.