Just need to vent. Had a very rough night.<P>After trying to console my 3 yr old for about 3 hours....she wanted her daddy. She finally fell asleep.....but she was up and down all night....wanting her daddy. This is becoming more frequent. She still thinks that daddy lives here.....though I've been trying to explain the whole thing to her. Very hard to get a 3 yr old to understand what is going on.<BR>I used to call him every time she would have an episode like this so she could talk to him....but I don't anymore. I don't know why...I just don't. It doesn't do much good to let them talk to him anyway when they are upset....he just says he will take them somewhere and then doesn't.<BR>I was telling him that if he wanted the girls to stay the night with him one night that his best bet would be to make it this Saturday because my mother is coming up from Florida next Saturday and the girls will probably want to stay here with her that night. His first words were....I already have plans this Saturday night.<BR>My reaction.....you can't cancel your plans to be with your daughters? Your plans are so important that you cannot cancel them to be with the most important people in your life? That's fine.....but you tell them if they ask if they can stay with you.....which they probably won't anyway.<P>This makes me so mad.....he says that they are the most important thing to him yet he can't cancel his plans to be with them. He'd rather go out to the bar with his new friends than be with his daughters.<BR>The bar....is another thing altogether.....he's not a bar hopper. Isn't a drinker....can't handle liqour....but yet he goes out to the bars with his new friends all the time.<BR>In the 14 years that we were together....we never went to a bar.....he isn't a social type of person.....never has liked that type of environment or wanted to associate with people that went to bars.<BR>I do not know this person that my H has become....I do not like this person.<BR>I do not want to talk to him on the phone..I do not want to talk to him at all....and I think he knows that now.<BR>I don't even know if I want my marriage to work anymore.<BR>I try to sit down and think about how it would be....but I can't....because I don't know who he is anymore.<P>His A with the OW is still in full swing......he still works days and her still nights. Apparently they left work together last night and she never came back in. Oh well.....he's throwing all this away....and it's his loss....not mine.<P>I'm so over this emotional roller coaster.....I never did anything to deserve what I've gotten.<BR>

None of this deserve this! And you're right! That behavior sucks. I can so empathize with the Saturday night / non-cancellation of plans thing.<P>But (this is going to sound weird) his behavior sounds so textbook, so almost contrived, that I think if you can hang on he will have to turn around. I don't know how long. But it's the whole "the bigger they are, the harder they fall" thing. As long as he's so deep in Fantasyland, the more likely the chance he'll get booted back to reality, and the contrast when he comes out will be greater. I'd be more worried (as others have alluded to) if he was sort of not in fog, but still not moving towards you and your daughters...<P>Hang in there! And vent away!<P>zen

I'm starting to wonder about this whole fog thing.<BR>My H seems to know exactly what he's doing. He says he thought about all he is giving up..and is willing to do it on the chance that he will not be happy.<BR>All he knows is that he wasn't happy.....couldn't stand to be with me....and couldn't try to make it work...not even for the most important people in his life. Obviously not so important if he's putting his happiness before thiers.<P>I did forget to mention something though.<BR>I noticed something the other day when he was packing his stuff. His hands were shaking badly. His eyes are always bloodshot.....and you all know by my posts that he has more mood swings than I've ever had with PMS.<BR>I do know that for quite a while now he has been taking things to give him more energy....over the counter things....caffiene pills....but to the best of my knowledge he quit taking them about 5 weeks ago.<BR>The OW is an admitted drug user....used to be a needle user.<BR>I'm wondering if on top of drinking now....maybe he's doing drugs??<BR>If he is.....I don't want him back...I don't want him anywhere around our daughters.<BR>This whole thing is a mess.<BR>I'm so damn tired of being a door mat....and trying to make everything better...when it's obvious all my hard work means nothing to him...and probably never will.<BR>I think my H either knows exactly what he is doing....or he is stuck in a permanent fog.<BR>It's time for me to get tough....lay down the law. I'm in control now. I've tried to be the nice guy...and it's gotten me knowhere.

MP...<P>I think he is waffling between both! There are times he is coherent and knows who he is and what he wants. When he doesnt is when he around the influence of OW. And, by the way, just because he is not near her, does not mean the influence is gone. He may be under her thumb for time constraints so that she knows exactly how long he is somewhere and when she expects him home, or whereever. He sounds to me like a man being totally manipulated, and too weak to do anything about it.<P>I think your strength and resolve is showing!! I agree with not letting the girls talk to him, if he is breaking promises and cant be counted on. Don't use them as a pawn, (which I am sure you know), but if he cant be a consistent positive figure, dont let them count on him being there each time they need him. It is sad that he makes other things, (OW), his priority, but that is the reality of it. If he has plans for Saturday night, then let him know it will be at least two weeks before he can be with them on a Saturday. Their grandma comes before an inconsistent father.<P>I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings here, but this may get worse from a parental standpoint, before it gets better. He has shown in the past that he will put his own children in the line of fire, and use them as pawns in this ugly scenario. The deeper he goes with OW, the worse he may become. Protect those lil ladies with all the strength you have!!<P>I am glad you are getting stronger, and I posted on your other thread, but just know, we are here for you!!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart