I'm not writing this to put "salt" in anyones wounds. I'm writing this to say that every relationship is different. I'm on the edge of my sanaty here but still - instead of growing apart during the last months is seems we have been growing deeper together???!!! - or stronger together. I do not know how to think about this. <P>I have not said anything for a long time and with the risk of getting TOTALLY flamed over this post - I just wanted all of you BS to know that sometimes and just sometimes they do care (I will not use the word "love" - don't really know what that means anymore" about the OW/OM.<P>Perhaps my situation is different (but you all say it's the same)...So why do we love eavhother so much - Now why will he not be with me - MAJOR SOCIAL THING/FINANCES/ ....Gee we are not 15 anymore!!!!<P>We are slowly distroying ourselves - Me on my part and he on his ( I really feel sad for his W - she has no clue - she really thinks that it ended on "D-day")<P>God help us all!!!!!!<P>

You are not helping anyone here, nor does being here seem to help you. Why not get some professional help???<P>To schedule an appointment with Steve Harley, call toll-free 1 (888) 639-1639.<BR>

My thoughts to you are....<P>Either<BR>1. Tell his W.<BR>2. Plan B this man to force him to make a decision. Someone needs to, and it will only help you in the long run instead of playing this game. Tell him to decide once and for all, W or you. <P>He is hurting you sitting on the fence, just like our WS's are hurting us. He needs to make a decision. If you tell his W, she will help him decide. If you stand up for yourself, he will either make a choice, or go and find another OW,but at least you will out of the middle.<P>JMHO I'm sure there will be more shortly....

Humblefish!?<BR>Why are you pissing your life away????

He has feelings of love for you, but not enough to risk hurt or embarassment.<P>He has feelings for you, but they conflict with his feelings for his family.<P>He has feelings for you, but not enough to motivate him to deal with the financial losses of divorce.<P>He has feelings for you, but not enough to let go of the comfortable life he has.<P>So, let me echo the last poster...why ARE you pissing your life away? Do you have no sense of your own worth at all?<P>

BINthereDUNthat<P>Well now do not laugh at me but - I'm In Love!!! Plain and simple! And the "addiction" is stronger then my rational will. You might call it "fog" and perhaps it's just life - what do I know... I have tried SOOOOO hard to brake it off BUT the sad thing is that after haveing almost all spring trying to not contact eachother we are more connected today the we wore when the A begun.<P>I know this is not what BS want to heare but then again sometimes it's true!!!!<P>So why am I writing this????<P>1) to say that "no contact" is just to put you to ease - thay still contact us! - I'm sorry but that is the naked truth - (NOT FOR ALL!!!!!) . but for most!<P>2) That me as an OW really (perhaps stupiedly) beleives that we are meant to be together....(plase do not flame me for that!!!!)<P>It's kust that sometimes you meet a person that mirrors you and nothing else matters.....'<P><BR>IU'm probably not making mush sence - But I'm sooooo sorry I can not let him go aslong as he tells me how much he loves me - would you?

Your coming here is for you not us...<P>By saying you don't want to rub salt in our wounds you do...you are mad at his wife...you are mad at him...you can be free here to write what you want to say...and know on some level that you are hurting someone as much as you hurt...<P>We all live in a fog of perception of life how we want it to be...our own versions of reality...Only when you live life for you and find out who you are will you truly be free...you are letting him rule you, your emotions and even his wife...<P>Get free, Humblefish, for you...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>But I'm sooooo sorry I can not let him go aslong as he tells me how much he loves me - would you?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, in a heartbeat. Because I love myself deeply. I will do a lot of things for my H (including standing by him for a <B>limited time</B> while he extricated himself from fog), but NOT let myself be trifled with for a man who wishes to keep me on a string while he enjoys having it all.<P>Forget for a moment all the other reasons to get out of an affair...Why do you not put a higher value on your SELF??? Do you not believe you are worthy of being treated better?

JustPlainCali<P>No you are soooo wrong - I am NOT mad at his W - we have spoken on the phone hand she is a wonderful person!!!!! - I have nothing against her. Do not assume things you do not know about (smile) - just a friendly advice!<P>Everything is not just Black and White Cali - somtimes I wish it was but it is not. Do NEVER compair in that way or you will find youself misserable.<P>I have read a bit of your storry and I DO feel for you but you andd me - our "dilemas (sp?)" are soo far apart and if you can not see that then I have nothing else to add....'<P><BR>I do REALLY wish you happiness!!!! - I really DO ((HUG))

Dear HumbleFish,<BR>Yeah, sure I believe that he loves you, but what kind of love is he talking about? The true meaning of love is according to one's own definition.<P>You mistake me for a BS. I am not. I am a former OW who got pregnant by a MM and raised the OC for decades with no contact. I am also a happy W with a great stepdad for OC.<P>Now, having said all that, I ask you again, WHY are you pissing YOUR life away?<P>I don't want to hear any excuses about how difficult it is to pull yourself away from his ILY manipulation. Do you eat out of the toilet? No! So my point is, you are in control. You can stop doing anything you want to stop doing and you can start doing anything you want to start doing. The decision is yours.<P>I am not sure if you are currently married, but don't you realize you are planting seeds for your own future as well as your future generations with the decisions you make today? Get wise, woman! Have you sent every drop of your self-worth packing?<P>Please quit pissing your life away on this married man! He is getting in your way of finding real love. The kind of love where it is a 200% wholehearted effort!

BINthereDUNthat<P>Gee - If you have been there done that - why do you ask me???? - or are you so selfrigiouse (sp?) now that you feel that you can say anything - If I<BR>m not misstaken have you not been close to my experience - if so tell me ho many could convinse you to go "the other way"? - I'm happy6 for yoy But do not ever try to tell me how I feel - **** you if any shoud know!!!!!!<P>Anyways thanks for the thought - Good luck in your life!!!

Humblefish I just wanted to tell you that I understand your pain and confusion. I was once a WS involved with a married man myself. I understand the fear of what your family members/friends may think. I understand the financial obligations etc.... The thing is humblefish, if he really loved you the way you love him that would not stop him from being with you. I know this is tough to hear but if he's still with his wife a part of him still loves her. If that is the case he can not give his entire heart to you. Continuing in a relationship like that will cause you more pain then ending the affair. If he loved you the way you want to be loved he'd leave his marriage. I know....my OM is now my husband. Your being played with humblefish and even though he may not even be admitting it to you, he still does love his wife. For your own good you really do need to leave him a lone and get on with your life.

Bonnie <P>I read/see what you are writing - but It's not that easy. See He has been "way off" in his earlier ages and now he has managed to build what everyone expected fom him "a Seady home environment - what a joke!!!!! - No there are NO kids his W is 43 he is 38 and she is like his "mom" - much due to thw fact that he was a drug-addict soon after when they met - he is not now but.... I still beleive - GOD help me that he needs that "mommy" ****!!!!!

<BR><B>No you are soooo wrong - I am NOT mad at his W - we have spoken on the phone hand she is a wonderful person!!!!! - I have nothing against her</B><P>You have nothing against her, but are willing to sleep and be 'in love' with HER husband...at least have the decency to stop until the ink is dry on divorce papers...<P><B>Everything is not just Black and White Cali - somtimes I wish it was but it is not. Do NEVER compair in that way or you will find youself misserable. </B><P>Can't see where I said everything is black/white...I'm not the one who says I love him and can't stop...how black and white is that??? My H sees things in black and white...I see shades of gray...But I call them as I see them...When you start sentences with "I'm not trying to..." YES YOU ARE. Don't kid yourself...you all ready recognize what you are trying to do; otherwise you would not need to start out that way...it is simple psychology...<P><B>I have read a bit of your storry and I DO feel for you but you andd me - our "dilemas (sp?)" are soo far apart and if you can not see that then I have nothing else to add....'<BR>I do REALLY wish you happiness!!!! - I really DO ((HUG))</B><P>And so does the OW...wish me nothing but happiness apart from my H..why don't I just get on with life without him...afterall she's been married 4X...divorce isn't so hard or so bad...neither is custody issues...at least that's what she's feeding my H.... <P>Cali<P>

Hey,<BR>I didn't mean to strike a nerve and please, do not be misled by my screen name. I never said I have been there and done what you have done nor am I trying to come off as self-righteous. Anything righteous in my life is totally attributed to God. So let's get that straight first off.<P>Secondly, excuse you, I have not ever considered myself to be so in love with a married man that I could not pull myself away. Did I mistype something? I said that I raised my kid with NO CONTACT. Do you get that?<P>Also, can you stop being defensive long enough to realize that I am genuinely concerned for your future? You are shaping your values around an unhealthy relationship. I never tried to tell you how to feel either. You are the one coming across as being so out of control of your emotions... Get a grip, girl!

Talk to us, HF. Why are you so defensive and upset? If you really want to carry on conversations with us, be honest about why you are here, instead of attacking us.<P>Did something happen yesterday or today?

BTDT..<P>Just let her be.. let her crash and burn on her own.. let her reap the rewards that she has sown. Let her fall on her own face.<P>Hey HumbleFish.. Where's your Honor?<P><B>Dishonor</B> - 1. Lack of honor; disgrace; ignominy; shame; reproach. <B>2. To deprive of honor; to disgrace; to bring reproach or shame on; to treat with indignity, or as unworthy in the sight of others; to stain the character of; to lessen the reputation of;</B> as, the duelist dishonors himself to maintain his honor. <B>3. To violate the chastity of; to debauch.</B> 5. To disgrace; shame; debase; degrade; lower; humble; humiliate; debauch; pollute.<P>Dishonorable people don't deserve help, till they pull their head out of their [censored]. She doesn't want our help anyhow.. She wants to justify her actions. She wants to spit in the face of decency.

Right on husband2you!!

Faith - Thank's fot you genuine consern - I guess I posted here some month ago trying to brqke it off with MM - but instwad of us gwtting further apart due to all the "mess" we grew stronger together" - I'm just confused and I wand answers just like many BS.<P>Stilltogether - I understand why you are here - I would not be your friend never the lessbe married to you - sooo much anger????? - Go get some counsling! - I mean when did I (that is me as a person) ever made your life he hell it obvoisly is?<P>You do not need to reply - negative people is not my bag - you can go "*****" to others to me you are just plain oatetic! - Howvwer - good luck and try to be nice to people you do not know in the future!

How can you sit there and say be nice to people you don't know..<P>Who the hell are you? Your playing nice HumbleFish? Tell me that everytime you go down on your MM that your being nice to his W. Hey.. if your that nice.. you know.. Never mind.. <P>Go be nice to some other guy that wants to get off. He'll tell you he loves you, he'll be nice to you too.. hell he'll buy you nice things and probably take care of you the rest of his pitiful life. What man wouldn't. This isn't love.. its L-U-S-T.<P>Did you bother to read anything I bumped up for you?? Go read.. come back with a different attitude and you'll be more accepted.<P>------------------<BR>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' © 2001 O-Town