It is the first lie I have told him...<P>I erased a message I suspected was from OW's friend...her cell #...my instant feeling was she was giving it to H so H could call OW in Vegas...<P>He called saying did I erase a message? He was expecting one... I said no..I listened to messages but skipped them...if it got erased it was erased by mistake.<P>I know it wasn't true...I know he knows I lied...<P>I don't want to live like this...suspecting, scared, sad...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

(((((Cali)))))) don't worry about. I think that was a "little white lie".. does that make it right? I don't know, but maybe makes us feel better??? You feel like it was a mistake now, so you told the truth - you erased it by mistake. It happens, you know - erasing by mistake - you pushed the wrong button. Don't feel bad, ok? You need to focus on a nice weekend with your H. How would telling him you erased it made him react?

I have to ask, as shallow as it may be, but why did you lie about it?

cause I'm stupid

LOL...No, probably because you were afraid that he would get mad if he knew the truth! Has nothing to do iwth stupidity!<BR>But, maybe you should really consider telling him the truth and the reason for doing it and the reason for lieing about it.<BR>Is the guilt of lieing worth it? Look at how you're feeling about having done so.

Cali,<BR>Your signature says, Do Your Best Always. It doesn't say "Be Perfect Always". <P>Do you want to confess to him?

cause I panicked...<P>I don't know...I was able to tell the truth about it before...I never promised to quit...<P>cause I am controlling, know it and have admitted it, but I still keep doing it...<P>I don't know and I don't know how asking the question why makes you shallow...<P>me lying makes me shallow and less of what I am...I took a detour off my higher ground and went plunging....<P>I feel him slipping away even more and am grasping...<P>how do you let go of your whole life gracefully?

Cali:<P>One mistake is not the end of the world.<P>You are the poster girl for Plan A here. ie: Making yourself better and stronger while treating your WS with love and respect.<P>Don't beat yourself up oevr one "little" white lie...<P>Keep your head up and continue doing what you are doing...<P>E <P>

Fess up. The only way to feel better. Sure, he may be mad, but get it over with.<P>WAT

OK...time to come clean....let him know what you did and why...and then deal with how he feels/reacts...at least you clear the air. You cannot control what he does...only what you do...do the right thing....we are all still learning... <P>True

Thanks elad, wat & trueheart...<P>I felt awful the instant I lied...<P>I will confess...just not sure when...maybe in Vegas in neutral territory...<P>I am also resolved to leave that damn voicemail alone...just reinsures his feeling that I am being controlling and, who am i kidding, that's is what I am trying to do...by listening and erasing messages...dumb...dumb...dumb....<P>Thanks...<P>My best today just wasn't top notch, but the beauty of life is that you get to start fresh each day...<BR>I wasn't impeccable in my word, either...but that too can be changed...<P>Cali

sure can!! {{{HUGGGGGGGGZ}}}<P>Just remember to forgive yourself first!!<P>True

Cali,<P>Tell your H the truth. Tell him what you did and why you did it, in a non-LB way that is. It'll make you feel better, plus you know your H already knows, so this will show him you make mistakes, just like him, and are willing to admit it.<P>You're human, sweetie. You have been given the worse possible situation to deal with, and all you were trying to do was protect what is yours. It's natural.<P>Please don't be so hard on yourself.<P>Lv,<BR>Jo

JPC<P>A question (honestly-no games) Was there a name to the number? If so, who was it and I can tell you if it was a friend of OW.

It was a trap set by OW. She had friend call to see if I would erase message.<P>Her H, alittlelost, called me and asked who it was...H was here and I talked with him in the room...told OWH that I didn't like being used...he told me, as you can read...no games...<P>Guess who called a little later...ripping me and her H and my H up one side and down another...<P>Like the spider to the fly...<BR>I was trapped in a web of lies...<P>Cali

Rememeber too for a moment that you may have deleted a message and lied about it- ok- if you want to call that controlling then what is your H doing by taking you to Vegas and setting up OW to be there too, not to mention the rest of this soap opera he thrust upon your life, are you in control at all, really, of any of this? <P>I suppose he is all above board and has NEVER lied or tried to hide something he didn't want you to know about, right? I can't stand listening to the pot call the kettle black, get a life WS and OP and Family.<P><BR>

Cali, <P>Go have a great time in Vegas and forget the OW (Other Witch, Wench, whatever, but certainly not a woman!!)<BR>She is obviously going to try something while there...be ready!! Take the MB frying pan with you!! Call me and when I get there I will go find her and take care of her for you...LOL...no charge!@!! (really...football season is here and the testosterone is flowing!! )<P>I do not understand why OWH does not put her on a short leash with a choker (spikes facing inward please??)!!! <P>Ok, that part probably wasnt the best of MB rules, but I dont care. Cali and her H dont deserve what this woman (cough, choke) is doing. Cmon OWH, if you are reading this...take charge and stand up to her!! Put her on a real short leash!!<P>Marsha - You two have a great time!!!!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

Don't for a moment longer feel guilt about what you did. Being cheated on can easily turn a calm woman into a potential murderer (not ME of course ). YOu did what you did in the name of self-defence.<P>However, your guilt is overwhelming. I think you should tell, and let him know that this is the FIRST time. He'll get the picture (without you telling him) that his affair has changed you as well. Be honest with him now, it's not too late.<P>As for this Vegas stuff....what in the h-ll is he thinking!!!!!!!