OK - I’m going of here tonigth and yes I have been drinking as many suspected and still that still makes me human I do take offence on comments from ”Husband2you’ and ”trueheart”. Sure I’m in an Emotional limbo right now and YES I’m an OW ( I hate that word btw). So this is really facinating to me ALL of the WS have NO feelings for their xOW!!!! - O well I guess there are more psycopaths in the world then I knew!<P>You know guys weather you want to agnolodge it or not you HURT someone like me (not me) but someone like me someone that beleived in you when you told her that you loved her. And now you get on this board and talk ”****” about you OW/OM - **** YOU - you are not worth any respec!!!!! - How can you make love to someone for years and then say they are ”****”????? - Thgank God My MM is not such scum!! - I puke on you!!!!!. !!tDid you really think that we wore just some ”toys” that you could play with and throw away and run to !mommy-whife! when you got insecure?<BR>

HF...<P>The really sad part of this is that very few people involved in affairs (on either side) set out to hurt anyone. Most are confused, in pain themselves, floundering. Just human...<P>I am truly sorry you are hurting, and I hope that you will get some rest and take care of yourself tonight.<P>Kathi<BR>

Now we are getting somewhere!!! with the honesty from HF. <P>I wonder HF if you know what your MM says about you to his W or to anyone else who knows about you (which I would imagine is NO ONE else) I am sure he doesn't talk about you at all to his confidants, just curious. I know that I told people about us as the WS trying to get out of the EA, but I know for a FACT that OM never told a soul about me!!<P>Am I wrong? And yes, going OFF would be an understatement, but at least you are giving some honesty in your posts now, and some real feeling. <P>------------------<BR><B>Formerly Struggling27</B><BR>E-mail:struggling27@hotmail.com<p>[This message has been edited by struggle_free! (edited July 27, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>tDid you really think that we wore just some ”toys” that you could play with and throw away and run to !mommy-whife! when you got insecure?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes. WS's are wrong for thinking this. I'm sure every WS on this board would agree. But it is also a two-way street, wouldn't you say? If you allow yourself to knowingly be played with, and dropped at any time, you are asking to be hurt somewhere down the line. <p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited July 27, 2001).]

Struggle_free!<P>I'm too tired to repeat my story - just search under my name - EVERYBODY NEW!!!! - It's not always black and white dear!!!<P><BR>Faith - what if he is weak???? - can you not love a weak man?<P><BR>

HMMM...you can take all the offense you want. You can stand on a roof and scream that YOUR WS is not scum all you want. You can justify this as something other than what it is all you want. <P>I am a WS, just like the MM you are seeing is a WS. If he werent a WS, he would divorce his wife before committing something to you (if indeed he has). Where does he sleep each nite? With you? Or at home in his bed with his W?? Who does he take places with his children? YOU or his W? Are you still a secret or does he show you off to everyone with pride and honor that a loving couple show? My guess is that while he is still M, that does not happen. <P>You see HF, you are wrong. I live everyday with the fact that I hurt more than one person. I hurt many. I wake up and not a day goes by that I dont remember. Not a day goes by that I dont hurt. And very few go by that I havent cried. And some of those were for the OW, as much as for my W. Neither of them deserved MY WEAKNESSES! The OW went into it wide eyed, knowing the chances that she took. And yes, like ALL WS, I convinced her of things. Things that I meant and believed while being deep in the fog. <P>I have taken responsibility for what I have done. I cannot change what happened. I came to realize my love and desire to stay in this marriage. But dont sit there and tell me or lecture me that I am not remorseful about what I did. Until you have come to the end of your situation, and walked a mile in my shoes, you take all the offense you desire. But when all is said and done, I wish the best for you, no matter where your MM ends up. (I just wonder, if he doesnt end up with you, and chooses to stay with his W, is he then scum like the rest of us, as you characterize?)<P>I also am wondering, as I read into this a bit more, if your pain is due to the MM waffling. I do understand your love for him, and I know how strong the effects of what he tells can be on your heart. I believe your pain, drinking, and anger at this moment could be due to your lack of knowing the true ending, missing him, and not knowing if what is happening will continue? In any case, nobody here hates you. Believe it or not, we are here to support people, you included. <P>So, from a recovering WS, I wish you the best, whatever your path may be. <P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

Sure you can (love a weak man). BUt I am actually saying that you are weak too by ALLOWING him to come play in your sandbox whenever he feels like it. You are ALLOWING him to play with you like a toy (<B>your</B> analogy), and then run home when his guilt gets to him. <P>There's a reason he runs home - it's guilt and responsibility. We all have this natural thermostat in our soul that warns is when we are doing something wrong - something that will end up hurting ourselves or people we care about. YOu have this thermostat too, which is why - I suspect - you turn to alcohol to numb the guilt and pain - or you come here for answers. If you felt like what you were doing with MM was completely RIGHT, you would not get upset at sharing him with W or any OW he may have out there.<P>Sorry for the long answer.<p>[This message has been edited by Faith1 (edited July 27, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by HumbleFish:<BR><B><P>You know guys weather you want to agnolodge it or not you HURT someone like me (not me) but someone like me someone that beleived in you when you told her that you loved her. And now you get on this board and talk ”****” about you OW/OM - **** YOU - you are not worth any respec!!!!! - How can you make love to someone for years and then say they are ”****”????? - Thgank God My MM is not such scum!! - I puke on you!!!!!. !!tDid you really think that we wore just some ”toys” that you could play with and throw away and run to !mommy-whife! when you got insecure?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Actually....a toy pretty much describes what the OW is to a man that will not leave his wife isn't it?<BR>He can't play at home so he has a "toy" on the side that he can play with when HE makes the time.<BR>You said your MM is not scum?<BR>Do you know what he is saying about you to his wife? <BR>You don't actually think he's telling her that you are this most wonderful person and all that do you?<BR>He's probably telling her things like what my H still tells me about the OW...even though it's still going onand he isn't living with me anymore. <BR>1. Why would I want to be with someone that screws around that much?<BR>2. Why would I want to be with someone that lies constantly?<BR>3. She's not worth my time.<BR>4. I don't know what I saw in her....she's the factory slut.<P>Now...I wonder what the OW would think about the things that my H still tells me about her?<P>Let's get back to reality for a few minutes please.<BR>First of all....drinking isn't going to help your problem...it's just going to make it worse.<BR>Second....this whole thing with....I cannot resist and all that. It's a choice......a simple choice. You have control of yourself....at least I would like to think that you do. Start taking control of YOUR life.....don't let it control you.<P>Nothing I said was meant to be mean or hurtful....but sometimes the truth just hurts.<P>

Miss Priss<P>I'm kind of off to bed but you post - <BR>O well I just had to tell you that me and MM's W have talked and it might surprisse tou bur we wore very civilö towards eschother. For the record I think that she is a wonderful lady and I have NO ill feelings towards her at all!!!

[<<So this is really facinating to me ALL of the WS have NO feelings for their xOW!!!! - O well I guess there are more psycopaths in the world then I knew!>>><P>I think the experience that many of the WS have had is that the relationship turns into something really ugly. My H hates the thought of his exOW and regards her as a horrible mistake. Why? Partially because when reality started to sink in on all levels she was not what he thought she was (or what she pretended to be). He also realized that he was still in love with me and wanted to try and give it another shot. When he ended it with the OW she turned on him with a vengeance. Started calling and harassing both of us (particularly me since he wouldn't answer the phones). Was spewing all kinds of venom, wishing us dead etc. He was honest with her (she herself told me how he ended the relationship). That made her even MORE angry. She would much rather have heard that he was coming back for finances/kids/ dog/house/appliances... When a relationship ends in an ugly way it does not give the other person warm fuzzy thoughts. All previous good memories get erased by the much more prevalent and dominating bad memories. Many, many affairs end in great ugliness and pain all around. Feelings are not static. Sometimes a person thinks he/she is in love and then realizes that once the lust dies down there is nothing there, never really was. I've been there myself. It happens all the time in ordinary single relationships. Then add in guilt, agonizing pain, stigma, shame, total chaos, lies, big time drama.... Not exactly the stuff scrapbook memories are made of.<P><<< - How can you make love to someone for years and then say they are ”****”?????>>> <P>Because sometimes it turns out that way. I lived with someone for a long time. In the beginning I thought I was totally in love. By the end I couldn't stand to look at him and it was such a huge relief to pack my bags and go. Now I can't imagine ever having been in love with him, though I can remember saying it and thinking I meant it. Frankly the thought of him makes my skin crawl. Bad endings = bad memories.

Honey, I'm so sorry that you're hurting...I really am.<P>I know that you have fallen in love with this man and that it's oh so hard to do the right thing. You don't stir up hate in me 'cause I'm long past that and my marriage is good.<P>I will caution you. When you've been asked if you KNOW what he says about you, take it seriously. Though my h told PT that he loved her, I would never even repeat here the things he said about her. It would destroy you. To me and to many others in his life. It was so bad that, once the affair was over, one of his co-workers looked at him and said "do you believe you almost gave up your wife and family for THAT??" I was horrified..just at the words they used for that poor girl.<P>He did love her, for a while. And then he found the strength to do the right thing. And yes, I'm sure. It's been more than two years now and she's stopped calling and is living with someone else. Actually she has found someone who cherishes her for just who she is. I'm quite happy for her. No hate, whatsoever.<P>I hurt so much for you. I wish you the strength to walk away from a man who would so callously use you, all the while going home to someone else. You've given up EVERYTHING for him because you love him. He's giving up nothing for you. That's not love.<P>You deserve a partner who will put you above all others, who will love you as you love them, openly and honestly, for all the world to see. And you'll never have that as long as you allow this man in your life at all.<P>Please get some rest and take care of yourself.<P>Love and prayers to you,<P>Lori

Dorkfish:<P>Of course you puke on us. Drunks usually do. Only way you can live with your conscience, isn't it?<P>Why don't you make it more convenient for the MM, either put in a revolving door or stencil "Welcome" on your forehead and throw yourself in front of him as a doormat (a hint for Halloween for you).<P>SSDD, eh Dorkie? Between fog and alcohol, you are totally lost.<P>Get professional help, the sooner the better.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL