My H is the big influential Corporate Manager. Over the years there have been at least two long-term EAs. PA - who knows? Not me.<P>After several confrontations with him, he tells me that he has broken it off with his OW(s) - which I have now decided stands for "Office Wh*res" - and there are no more lunch dates, dinner dates, driving alone with them in his car, long private sessions in his office with doors & windows closed, getting all involved in their personal lives, etc. etc. we've all been there.<P>Problem is, like everyone else here knows, it wasn't over when I thought it was over. I did get into his work e-mail for a while and found many mushy messages between him and the latest OW, thank-yous from her for gifts I never knew about, etc.<P>One of the most incriminating e-mails was dated the *day after* we had had a major blow-up about this stuff and he swore that "she means nothing to me." That following day, she sends him a message thanking him for sending a glowing report about her to the higher-ups and tells him, "Thanks for the love." He responds, "You know it......."<P>I will never, as long as I live, get those words out of my brain. He tells me I am misinterpreting them. <P>Sure.<P>I am trying to do all I can to get him to understand how stuff like that makes me feel and how it is poisoning our marriage. For many months, he never came close to "getting it." All he did was try to convince me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with his forming very close, very personal relationships with the attractive single women at work. It must be ok because he is so successful at work! He is just being a good manager!<P>The problem is that I am apparently the only one on the planet who tells him this behavior is wrong. The Company higher-ups give him glowing praise and lavish rewards (gifts, cash bonuses, etc.) for being such a great manager, because he gets the results they want.<P>The office bimboes all adore him because he spends so much time and takes such a personal interest in them. I've seen a few of the cards they've given him thanking him for doing so much for them, and I've seen him with them on plenty of occasions.<P>The males who work for him pay close attention and always tell him they want to be a manager "just like him." Yeah, I'll bet they do!<P>So who am I to tell him that he should change his ways?<P>As if that weren't enough, there are plenty of Company-sponsored lunches, dinners, awards banquets, etc etc that he is *required* to attend where spouses are *strictly* prohibited. That means that he and OW get to have many lovely dates and trips together, all paid in full by the Company, and nobody can say a thing about it because it's all work-related! Isn't that just the greatest?<P>Oh, once in a while The Company does have something where wifey is expected to put in an appearance. H makes a good salary but because I do not work we don't have a lot left over, so I am very careful about buying clothes and things for myself. So, more than once I've ended up sitting next to him at a Christmas dinner in a $20.00 dress from the Sears sales rack while OW sits on the *other* side of him (she has to! she's his [censored]-istant manager! they can't help it!)in an expensive little black number with her a$$ hanging out whenver she stands up.<P>I can just imagine what she looks like when they get to have their private dates - oh, excuse me, I'm supposed to say "business dinners" or "Teambuilding" *spit*<P>Oh, and did I mention that she is nearly 20 years younger than I am? How can I possibly compete with this?<P>I feel like I am shouting into a hurricane. No one can hear me, no one even sees me. Everyone there is right and I am wrong.<P>The message I get, from him and from all his pals at The Company, is that I should shut up and be grateful for what I have - the chance to stay home and write and care for my 13-year-old son, the chance to own and train the horse I have always wanted. If H spends a little extra time with the girls, so what? He swears he's not f*cking them! It's just business! It earns the $$$ we need to support the above-mentioned lifestyle, so I have NO right to complain!<P>I guess I feel like I'm as big a wh*re as the OWs if I tolerate this just because my lifestyle is good. That is a devil's bargain that I do not want, even though I know that many women make it and accept it (think Hillary Clinton and Carolyn Condit, for starters.)<P>Of course, I also don't want to tolerate it because I want a real marriage with him, the kind where we put each other first instead of other people - but how lame, how unrealistic, is that? I must be the one living in Fantasy Land!<P>Oh, well. He's out of town again (four days, 2000 miles, all his old friends) and I'm just having another meltdown. Not to worry.<P>Psycho_B***h<BR>

Hiya PB, and welcome home!!!<P>I am guessing you are new here at MB?? If so, then you need a lil introduction to what happens here! First off, dont worry, we have all been there...on one side of the coin or the other! You will find all the support and help you need here....some very serious, some funnier than He!!. The second thing you will find are very dedicated people that do not judge. <P>If you are new, may I suggest that you go to WAT's (worth a try)site for spouses of Affairs. He has some excellent guidelines for new folks that will help you.(I cant find the threads to post the link, so I am sure that WAT will leave it for you).<P>Secondly, go to the forum called *Just Found Out*, and read the articles from One Going and Tempest regarding articles in this site to help you understand where to begin. <P>Lastly, you dont have to compete with this. The concepts here will help you plan for your H understanding what he is doing. My guess is that, even if he wasnt having an A, he sure does love the attention and success that goes along with his position. Its like a drug when you are successful, and nothing but the adoration of the *fans* matters. You, unfortunately, have become a wall decoration to be shown off at the appropriate times, and not upset the apple cart. The message is obvious..."Enjoy the lifestyle, stay quiet, and be happy!" (Does this sound like the Tom Cruise movie, *The Firm*??)<P>You do have a choice...and you will make it after you take the time to learn and grow! Read and post here as often as you wish. We will be here to answer and help as much as possible.<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart