It's been awhile since I posted last..about 3 weeks I think...<BR>He's been home the entire time....emotional ups and downs...<BR>He still sees her at work...and still talks to her...there was a lot of fighting going on...<BR>She is moving on...has another boyfriend...actually had 2 at once and one of them basically dumped her ...so she just had to call here today...the single ring thing for him to call her back....my H became upset...since I just looked at him...he said it probably was her....so he called her to tell her to stop calling here and at his parent's house....I didn't like him calling her but didn't want to LB over it either....<BR>Also at same time he's been talking to her best friend at work who just so happens to be almost related to him thru his cousin....and she's been calling here off and on....<BR>Really looks like manipulation going on to me....<BR>He had told her(OW) they can't be friends at all 3 days ago...now he's still trying to "just be" friends with her....<BR>I got to hear over and over again how she told him to come home....sigh....I really feel second rate now....<BR>Anyway the OW basically admitted to lying to him on the phone...and as usual he covers for the lie....geez...will he ever learn?...well he told me he told her they could talk at work but nothing more....<BR>She's pretty involved with the other boyfriend anyway...he gave her a ring...Like we all really cared about that info or not....<BR>Earlier before the call he had said to me....You think it's starting over again?...I told him I was afraid....He said it wasn't....but I'm still afraid ...I told him I can't handle the lies anymore...that was what really hurt me to begin with....<BR>I pray he's not lying again....if he is...I don't know if I'll be able to continue with this at all....<BR>Like he said...it'll never be the same between us....and of course he's right....<BR>Opinions please....

Ms. Mac - have you two done any counseling? I solicit WS perspectives, but as long as he sees her at work, it'll be slow going, I bet, in recovery.<P>Did he ever do a no contact letter, or is the work situation prohibiting that?<P>Be patient.<P>If you're not in counseling, consider a session by yourself with Steve. He'll get you on the right track.<P>WAT

MacG:<P>The lies shatter the bedrock of trust that must underlie any marriage. Radical honesty is the solution. As for contact at work: it should be kept to the absolute minimum needed to accomplish work ... there should be no social contact.<P>Trust is the hardest thing to rebuild when recovering from an affair (in a long list of hard things to rebuild). One step at a time, one inch at a time. It is up to the wayward spouse to show by word and deed that radical honesty is being implemented. Only by so doing will he begin rebuilding the trust you have in him.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Thanks guys....I feel a bit better...<P>I did go to counseling on my own for a month...but we lose the medical card in a couple days due to me going back to work...so have had to discontinue it...and the counselor wasn't really helping much anyway....<BR>My H had been demanding to go on his own...but the place I was getting counseling thru never got around to making an appointment with him...which is true I did ask my counselor about it...the person in charge of making appointments was always having to run out somewhere...<BR>Well he gave up on counseling then...he even visited a priest he says...of course the advice the priest gave him sucked and I told him so...to follow his heart???...that's not a very good priest talking....anyone knows that emotions can lie....oh well....<BR>My counselor really wasn't helping me much at all and I started to dread even seeing her....she ditched me twice where she made an appointment and didn't show for it...so since we were losing the medical anyway I said heck with it...<BR>He does act a lot better around here...much more like himself....he is still angry at times but that is due to how stressful his job is....part of the problem I know...I keep trying to persuade him to switch to a job that he likes and isn't so physically demanding...besides getting away from the exOW...but he's afraid he can't find another job.....uggg....he's always been able to find another job when he needed to....<BR>He hasn't been showing much affection yet...guess he thinks of it in other terms I suppose...like fixing my car and things like that....He has started sleeping with me again over this last month....And he was upset last night when he thought I was going to sleep on the couch....<BR>I just can't help getting suspicious over stuff...I still remmeber all the phone rings during the affair...and that one today besides her best friend calling here saying she was his cousin(which she really believes???)...really brought the suspicion out ....ugggg....I hate this....I really do.....<BR>I know he told the exOW to back way off...but he isn't going to do that with the best friend of her...which is infuriating since I can see that exOW is possibly using that girl to get to him somehow....it really sucks....really really sucks....<BR>But he is trying....he hasn't been getting so angry when I get suspicious now....looks more like guilt and fear that I'm going to give up now....<BR>