MY time remaing with my STBX wife is dwindling down to a precious few days - maybe a couple of weeks if Im lucky - we have agreed on a settlement and she is moving out in mid August - although we are on speaking terms she has completely withdrawn and dead set on following through with this divorce! <P>I told her that despite the fact that she does not want me to be her husband at this point, I will do my best to be her for her as a friend up until she moves out and/or the divorce becomes final! I made it clear that once one of those two events takes place, she will cease to<BR>be part of my life forever. This is the only leverage I have at this point since I believe my wife would love nothing more than to remain friends with me - this way she gets to have her cake and eat it too! <P>For more background, here is my full story: (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/004735.ht ml)<P>somebody please help me get back my wife - I feel like I need a miracle at this point - I just do not know how I am going to go forward without her in my life !!!!!<P>ACE

ace:<P>No miracles up my sleeve. Read and implement immediately the Plan A material, if you haven't already read <I>Surviving an Affair</I> check your local bookstore and get it today. Read it, implement its guidelines. If it isn't available locally, order it from the Web site here and get it shipped via the fastest means available.<P>Beyond that. Hmm, ultimatums such as you have laid down may not work. Sit down and express that you love her, etc. That you want the marriage to work and are willing to work with her 100 percent to make the marriage a successful one. Check out Dr. Harley's other books too, as time goes on.<P>Despite the emotional devastation you feel, you must temporarily set the emotionalism aside and be the strong one here. She is going to need your reassurances during the recovery.<P>If at all possible, contact Steve or Jennifer via the 1-800 (see the Counsel link at the top of the page). The money spent is well worth it from all the reports from those who have used that resource. (Wonder if they should change the link name from Counsel to Coahing?)<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you both,<BR>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Just wanted to say hello to you again.. I assume you saw my other reply on the D/D board. I am so sorry you are going through this. hugsssss..... Traffic is a bit slow on the weekends around here, but there's a few of us around. Be patient and you'll get some other helpful advice and support. k? In the meantime, do that studying that I mentioned on the other post, and also what STL has suggested. He really knows this stuff... <P>Hang in there - we're here for ya'. YOu can make a difference in your marriage if you'll take a little time to invest reading and learning. THis is some great stuff on the MB web;site, in the books (His Needs Her Needs, and Surviving an Affair), and on these posts.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

ace,<BR>I wish I knew the magic words or suggestions to make your marriage right again. I don't. The closest I can come to a magic word is COMMUNICATE. I read the link to your story (Thanks for that,,it sure helps! ) and I realize you have Plan A'd her BUT have you really talked to her and LISTENED? If you sincerely love her as much as you profess and have the desire to really work on this marriage,,have you TOLD her? I know that sounds so elementary but sometimes we just figure the spouse ought to automatically know how we feel,,or surely knows by our actions. We have to SAY it also. Loud and clear. <P>Any chance of getting her to agree to a quick short vacation,,just a few days together for the two of you. Maybe at a place that has special meaning? Reminisce about the good times, your past plans, the goals. Bare your soul to her. TALK. Give it your best shot. And not with "you" words,,(ie: you are too quick to give up,,you aren't giving us a chance..etc) Those are blaming words that will put her on the defensive. Use "I" words ("I love you and don't want to give up,,I feel we haven't had a fair chance,,etc) Subtley TRY being affectionate, perhaps she's missing your physical presence also. NOOO LB's (love busters!!) <P>ace, I wish you luck. If you want her and don't want to lose her...TELL HER!! Don't let your pride stand in the way. Keep us posted......