You can really underestimate the power of feelings.<P>I've been so completely unable to relate to my W's A. In was inconceivable to me how in the world she could meet this OP and develop a relationshp with him. And how she could continue it, refusing to stop.<P>I went out tonight to meet a couple of friends. We went to a local place, hung out, enjoyed talking to them and their company. I was ready to go home when something made me stay for a few extra minutes talking to one of my friends from work. After this delay, I started to head to my car when I saw a girl who I knew... she knows my W as well... We are acquaintances, see each other very rarely but I've always thought she was really cool. I stopped to talk to her and she said "How's <W>?" I said I guess she hadn't heard that we were separated. She whisked me back into the bar to talk.<P>Which we did. OK, I have to admit that I've always been intrigued by this girl. I knew her before my W and I started dating and I've always considered that I would have liked to ask her out if the circumstances had been correct, but they never were. We had a great talk for about an hour... She's getting married on Saturday, so we talked about that, about my situation of course, about many different things. After a very short time I felt myself starting to think: "Wow I really want to go out with this girl." The fact that she is getting married in 6 days made me want to even more. (I know that is horrible.)<P>We finally left and hugged and I followed her home to make sure she got there safely. Of course nothing happened.<P>But the point is: here I was hours ago dealing with telling SD about separation, and very emotionally involved with that, and then here I am wanting desperately to date this girl who's about to get married.<P>OK, I know I'm vulnerable because of what's going on with my W. But what insight into the WS's viewpoint! If this girl had been willing and available, and if I had less strength, I would have asked her out tonight. And if she said yes and we began any sort of a relationship, I can project how hard it would be to give that up.<P>I also felt resentment towards my W for the time I've invested in our M when I could have been meeting people like this girl.<P>Wow - chaos in my head and heart. I know what the right thing is to do and will do it, but man, I guess I'm human too. I see why BS's are so vulnerable to affairs.<P>Going to bed now,<BR>zen

zen:<P>What you experienced was very poignant. When I was the BS (pre-MB, my exW), I remember thinking "How could she? <I>I</I> could never do anything like that. My principles, my beliefs would not permit me to do anything of the sort.<P>As I've said before: crow, foot-in-mouth and humble pie are a very indigestible meal. I also said in those posts that anyone, given the proper situation, could end up being a WS.<P>Boy, did I get blasted by self-righteous BSes ... just like the self-righteous BS I used to be. I just hope that the Fates do not feed them the same meal I partook of.<P>Glad you passed up that onerous buffet, my friend.<P>Glad, too, that you had a good time. Glad that you were blessed with that insight. It will make implementing Plan A or B much easier, won't it? You learned something very invaluable tonight: there, but for the grace of God, go I.<P>Your growth has amazed me, zen. No matter how this all turns out, you will (and have) have grown in ways you never thought possible.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

It isn't that "moral" people are never tempted. It's what they do with that temptation that matters.<P>The world is full of beautiful, interesting, sexually attractive people. They're in the movies, they're in the magazines, they're on the street, they're in the workplace, they're at your kid's little league games, they live next door. You're going to see them and encounter them practically every day of your life.<P>Does being "moral" mean that you never notice them, you are never tempted by them, you never have moments of fantasy thinking "what if?"<P>Of course you don't. Not if you are human.<P>If you are faithless and self-centered, you think that these things are meant to be pursued. You will risk everything, and willingly destroy another person's happiness, for a fantasy that makes *you* feel good for a little while.<P>But if you are faithful and generous, you recognize these things for what they are - brief and pleasant interludes which come up from time to time in the course of every life, and you simply nod to them and move on -- you go back to your spouse and realize how lucky you are to have that spouse.<P>Never fear feeling tempted or attracted. The only thing that matters is what you *do* with those feelings.<P>Psycho_B***h<BR>

Well put, psycho... I totally agree. And thanks for the kind words, STL. You're my hero.<P>zen

Thanks for sharing zen. I keep feeling like we're sort of in the same place in our marriage.... <P>I have been wondering myself about "what if" a certain situation came along - what would I do?. I'm sick of being dumped on and feeling like a piece of used ??? (can't think of anything). I had a dream the other night that I met someone, and he wanted to call me back. He saw my ring and asked me about it - I said yeah, but we're having trouble. Call me anytime. I wanted to see where it was going. It was a dream - now, just a dream. But i woke up feeling so weird - sort of gross. Well the next day, a really nice guy friend at work has been down a lot lately because of his girlfriend - she has some childhood abuse issues making things hard on their relationship. I felt the need to go to dinner and have a drink with him so we could talk. Of course - NOTHING came of that - but I kept wondering to myself - if he initiated something beyond friendship, would I be strong enough to resist? He's a great guy, and I could be interested in him.<P>I guess I just wanted to relate to your story, and let you know I think it's normal. Just part of the process of dealing with the rejection and wondering about our future perhaps?? But we definitely need to block those thoughts out best we can and stay focused on our marriage.

Zen,<P>I think those feeling are natural, especially in our situations. Just remember to not let yourself give in to that temptation, you would proably feel terrible after the fact and that would add so mnay more emotions to the coaster. It's funny you mentioned that, b/c I was at my dog's dogshow on Saturday without W (of course) and I saw an attractive women showing her dog which happened to be the same breed as mine. We talked and found out that we got our dogs from the same breeder. Soon we were talking about everything under the sun and it felt great. And then she told me she was going through a divorce and that just ignited things in me and I told her about my situation but not the affair part just that we were seperated. I then proceeded to walk her to her car and get her cell number to talk about what we were both going through. However, I really wanted to see if I could just get her number. I felt totally guilty after that and prayed that God would forgive me. Then I saw her again this morning and totally blew her off. So what I'm saying is that I feel for you and be careful!<P>GC