I can't find the sample Plan B letters- can you provide<BR>the links?<BR>thanks!

dern, I was afraid you might ask that. I'm not too computer literate, but I'll find something for you.<P>WAT

Cloudy - try this. Hope Rick37 doesn't mind, it's his and I know he studied lots of previous ones. This has been an evolutionary work with each BS customizing it to their needs.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009320.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/009320.html</A> <P>WAT

Thank You.<BR>I have been thinking about a Plan B letter for awhile now, but haven't even started writing one. Hopefully, I can post it later today for comments.

Good, you'll get some help, I hope, but maybe not until tomorrow because Sunday is slow here.<P>Please consider this: When you post it, update us on your Plan A activities. If you can, tell us what things your H complained about you and whether he acknowledged your improvements after you demonstrated them.<P>WAT

Plan A activities and results are easier- I can do that now.<BR>H complaints: (As I guess is common with affairs, these complaints were not verbalized until after he moved out and A was in full swing)<BR>Too much emphasis on career- working late, putting job ahead of family<BR>Expressing dissatisfaction pretty regularily about the lack of support with housework,etc.<BR>Not developing a close enough relationship with step kids (I seemed to be responsible for making sure they ate their vegetables, took a bath every day, went to school, bedtime- not enough just fun family time without telling them to do something)<BR>Too controlling<BR>Harsh and disrespectful with step kids<P>Plan A activities:<BR>Re-modeled house after he left, without waiting on him<BR>House is now always clean and mostly straight<BR>Leaving work on time every day<BR>Improving relationship with step-kids<BR>No lovebusters- well very few anyway<P>Plan A results:<BR>H has thanked me repeatedly for the positive influence I have had on the step-kids lives<BR>Step-kids and I have all apologized to each other for past hurts and now have a more loving relationship- acknowleded by all<BR>H and kids frequently comment about my house being home for all of them, comments about it being clean all the time (this was a pretty big issue- dogs in the house, dog hair everywhere, everyone being too stubborn to help clean or even put up their own stuff- this led to embarrasment aobut having company,etc.)<BR>All family birthdays and holidays are celebrated here<BR>H and I can now communicate without argueing about most things<P>But, biggest result, H now says he loves me, wants to be home, wants to grow old with me. Step-kids want to move back in.<BR>

Terrific!<P>Let me guess - I bet he has voiced concern that these good changes in you aren't permanent.<P>WAT

WAT:<P>Sorry to intrude on your post: but some Mothership news for you at <A HREF="http://www.zorweb.com/refmat/ms.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.zorweb.com/refmat/ms.html</A> . (And yes, it is sophomoric, sort of, but it is/was fun; the URL is only temporary, and I will remove the content soon ... one of those "for a limited time only" deals.)<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

STL:<BR>Enjoyed the Mothership News!<P>WAT-<BR>Strangely enough, he has not questioned the permanency of the changes. I have told him all along though, that the changes were for me. they have helped me become more of the person that I really am- the one I used to be before marital roblems. Kids have voiced concerns about whether the changes will stay.<P>H has a friends truck here that he is working on. When we had our conversation yesterday, we decided that he would finish that job today. This morning, I took the trash out and he was here- outside. He told me that he didn't want to get into a long conversation right then, but he had a "talk" last night and he expected no more phone calls from her. Said he wanted to tell me about it, but was having difficulty staying motivated to finish the truck. Asked if I would be OK to wait a couple of hours. I told him that would be fine- asked if he was OK- he said better than he has been in a while.<P>So..... I guess I'll see what he has to say later this afternoon???????

Cloudy:<P>Weather forecast--<BR>Seems the prevailing fog is lifting somewhat, and is now partly Cloudy.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Cloudy,<P>Just on quickly, but I suggest searching for "Plan B" in posts, but search on subject line only, and you'll get at several examples.