Well here I am into Plan B day 2 and I really don't want to talk to H. He called this morning and D answered the phone because he is coming to pick them up. I had to speak to him because mortgage is due tomorrow and I need money. He was kinda cool and I was very brief. He called back and we ended up getting into a bit of a conversation about our finances. I felt myself starting to get emotional so I tried to end the conversation. We got a little off track about finances and started talking about the disagreement we had the other day. I know it was wrong. He will have the kids all day and I will be alone I have to go out and do something because I don't want to sit here & wallow in self pity. This morning I was thinking about our vacation last year and the count down was on, it was a big vacation and we were all so happy. Look where we are now. Can I really get past this? I hope so, I just want my life back and I want it to be better. The outing that he is taking the kids to today has always been a family event so it bums me out that I'm not going. I really want the kids to have a good time w/him because they are so looking forward to it.I guess I'll be okay!! I just needed to vent!

Vent away, cybil.<P>I got sucked into a similar conversation early in my Plan B. It's hard to avoid, but I feel more confident as each day passes. Fortunately for me, my wife is pretty much complying with mt request to minimize contact.<P>A funny thing happened almost immediately into my Plan B. We do not have an intermediary, so I asked her to limit communication to voice mail and e-mail. She's never used e-mail much, so I wasn't surprised to get only a couple related to <son> business.<P>However, I did notice her phone number on my caller ID at work several times, but she never left a message - I have a little red light on the phone that tells me when a voice mail message has been received, and it never lit up.<P>Then recently, a work buddy chastised me for not returning voice mail messages. You can see where this is going. Sure enough, I had almost two weeks worth of voice mails that had stacked up because the red light wasn't working - including several messages from W that she apparently concluded that I was ignoring. <P>WAT

WAT thanks for the support. It seems as though it's a control thing with my H. He came to pick up the kids and I was in the kitchen he brought money and put it on the counter and I said thanks. The kids went to get their stuff so we had a few minutes alone to talk idle chit chat. He then told the kids to give Mommy a kiss good bye and my D saw the tears in my eyes and said "Don't cry Mommy" and I said I'm okay. He said "why are you crying" and I just shook my head and shrugged my tears off. I don't want him to see me be weak cause I know he thinks he has the control then. They went out to the car and he beeped for me to come out because my little one forgot something so I came in to get it and when I went back out he looked me straight in the eye which he usually doesn't do very often any more(I think it's guilt) as though he wanted to say something and I just turned and walked back into the house. I want so much to stick to Plan B because I know it will make him think that I am serious this time. He is very stubborn and I'm the one who usually gives in. He did say something today to the effect that we have to deal with our finances first and then work on everything else. I dont know how to take that, in the past he has always told me that I read into things he says. Why does love have to hurt WAT? I know somewhere inside is that man that I married and he's a great guy. At times I see a glimpse of him and then he goes back into his shell. He also told me that he doesn't like where he is living but it's all he can afford. I told him that he made that choice not me. At this point I don't want him to come home right now I just want him to commit to getting help to save our marriage. In the beginning we were doing this dating thing once a week but that has ceased. I miss him so much!! I miss his arms around me I miss him comforting me I just miss him, even the things that use to aanoy me about him I miss. Tomorrow I am making an appt. with the Atty. to get temp. custody of the kids. I'm not sure what his reaction will be to that. I'm sure it will make him mad. Oh well it's just something that I have to do. Well, I have the whole day to myself and I'm still in my pj's, I'm going to go out and do something because I'm not going to sit here and feel sorry for myself.

Cybil,<BR>What you describe is so similar to my own experiences. Two days ago, I was feeling the exact same way. Amazing how things change in a short period of time. <P>I know that feeling of being alone and how hard it is to cope. Take time today to do things for you. Get out of the house if you can, and do something special just for you. The other day I went and bought a huge bouquet of fresh flowers...I had never done that before. They were so pretty and brightened up my day everytime I went into the room I had placed them in. Call a friend you haven't talked to in awhile. Buy something you have wanted for a long time. <BR> Realize that you are a very special person that deserves to be loved and supported. Try to think of all the good things in your life. A friend of mine went out to lunch with me the other day. She helped me to look at all of these things and also took me to get a journal to write down all the beautiful things that happen each day. It has made me feel much better. <BR> Take care of yourself...I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Cybil:<P>To quote/paraphrase George Carlin: We got supports ... beams and struts.<P>Beam him up to the Mothership.<P>Strut your Plan B stuff, baby!<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

You guys are GREAT (big smile) I thank God every night that I have found MB because even though I don't know any of you it's amazing to me how wonderful people are. We are all on this journey together no matter how miserable it may be at times at least we are not alone and can support each other. <BR>Wow I have been here for nearly 2 hours! Time to hit the shower and go do something for me! Goodbye all have a great day!!<BR>Cybil

Go read Miss Priss' post and see what will start happening when he starts to wonder about the new you! You must be strong and not turn back. No more conversations unless it is strictly business, just don't go there!