Ok....my WH and I took the kids to the fair together.<BR>He was pleasant from the minute he walked in the door.<BR>Could tell he had missed the girls....he hadn't seen them in 3 days.<BR>We took his vehicle.....my oldest asked to sit in the front seat and my H said no...let your mom sit there. What's up with that?<BR>Anyway....we had a great time at the fair....the kids won tons of prizes and rode lots of rides.<BR>Things I noticed though. H kept trying to walk by me...but I would side step and walk by our oldest daughter.<BR>He was a little uncomfortable because I was the one with the money....he is the one that always handled the money.<BR>I had to take some of the stuff back to the van because they had so much and noticed a new key on his key ring.<BR>Didn't ask about it till later though.<P>OK.....it started raining so I offered to buy lunch at the kids favorite place to eat. It's always been a tradition to take them there after the fair anyway.<BR>We got there....ordered and sat down. He could have sat at the table the kids sat at leaving me alone at a table....but he sat with me instead. He shared my coke and my food with me. Even just sat there talking to me....telling me about things he's been doing....just stuff in general.<BR>On our way home...he joked around with me....talked to me like he always does.....it was like he was my "OLD" H...not this new one we don't know.<BR>He actually said something that I really never expected him to say.......something to the effect that he figured that since I'd went so long without sex that he thought I would have jumped on him by now....but then before I could say anything....he had to add that it doesn't hurt his feelings that I haven't. WHATEVER!<BR>When we got back to our house he stayed a while and got real playful.....with me. I didn't bite though.<BR>We were just joking around back and forth and he would come in the room I was in and just playfully hit me with something.<BR>How this next thing came up I don't know....but he ended up admitting that the OW was the one that put the hickies on his neck and that yes he has been seeing her. I didn't ask....he offered.....but in a joking manner.<BR>See....this man can't stay mad at me....he never has been able to....and he always eventually tells me everything if I give him enough time.<P>He also brought up the whole boyfriend thing again....AND....I got 2 calls on my cell phone while we were with him....and both times he wanted to know who it was. I told him it wasn't really any of his business but it was my step mother. He seems too interested in what I'm doing. Wonder what's going on in his head now.<P>Not looking forward to tomorrrow......knowing that when he goes back into work he may be in trouble and getting fired. Rumor is....that the OW will end up fired too.<P>I just wanna know what's going on......I still want my marriage to work in ways.....but I'm not going to sit around and wait for HIM to make HIS decision. I have to get on with everything for the sake of me and my daughters.<BR>He obviously doesn't care to much about taking care of them if he's willing to risk losing his job for her.

Wow,<BR>He sounds like he is still confused and sitting on the fence. From everything I have read....confusion is good, right. It sounds like you must just keep Plan Aing to the best of your ability. <P>I wish I still had that chance. I know it is hard...and prepare for things to go either way. Not much fun though. Take care of yourself and your kids.

Miss Priss I have to agree with MnM that your husband sounds like he is confused. Are you still in Plan A or Plan B? I know that I did not give myself enough time in Plan A but I could not take the pain and the emotional rollercoater any longer. I've decided to move on to Plan B because my H has been out of the house nearly 5mos. and I am the only one making the effort to save our marriage I think I've made the best decision for me the kids because I was making it to easy for him to have his cake and eat it to. I know every situation is different. I'm hopeing that by doing this it will make him come out of the fog and if not at least I am taking the necessary steps to help myself move on.Good Luck to you MP!<BR>Cybil

OK Prissy, just keep doing what you're doing. Don't try to set the hook just on these nibbles.<P>I know you know: don't be surprised if Mr. Hyde shows up next time.<P>Oh, let me guess, he had waffles at the restaurant?<P>WAT

He's not just interested in what you are doing he's WORRIED about what you are doing! That is the best thing for him,especially when you can have comfortable outings like yesterday that show him what he is missing and what he may lose entirely if he doesn't straighten up and fly right.<P>You don't have to do anything manipulative or boldly throw a "boyfriend" in his face you see. The mystery is enough to make him think beyond himself. It's your independence and self assurrance and ability to hold it all together without him that keeps him there my dear. He's starting to realize that if he doesn't want you someone else will (who just might have 100 times more to offer you WITHOUT the pain) and then it just might be to late for him.<P>Be strong, be firm, keep your boundaries and be loving. Keep doing what you are doing and do not tolerate disrespect from him and you will win either way.

Ditto the others... Proud of you Miss Priss! Keep up the good work and the strong resolve... You're awesome!<P>zen

MP:<P>About the only thing I would add concerns the physical distancing of yourself that you mention.<P>If the opportunity arises because he brings it up, you can tell him that you miss the physical aspect of marriage very much, but as long as he is fulfilling that elsewhere, it is emotionally difficult for you, since sex is the culmination of all the other aspects of marriage.<P>Hopefully a further nudge to get him out of the fog. Notice that the topic should be approached from an "I" perspective and not an accusatory "you" perspective: thus you convey what you honestly feel (rule of honesty) without lashing out (rule of care, rule of protection).<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL