I would like to know how many of the BS's Or WS's for that matter still wear their wedding rings? I am having a hard time deciding whether to wear it or not. My H threw his out the window so he doesn't wear one. We are seperated he's not living here. I feel as though since I am still legally married I should wear it, but other days I think why? I wear it to work and usually I take it off when I get home. I seem to have this fixation of looking at couples hands to see if they are both wearing their rings. This is a symbol of love and commitment to another person. I still love and am commited to my H. Just curious as to what others think.

*sigh.... i dont have one either because my husband tossed mine in da trash along with anything associated with that time. i went out and bought a very pretty ring which i loved and i wear it so i at least can LOOK married. <P>he on the other hand, i gave him a ring about 2 months after D-Day and and he has NEVER taken it off. even during the times where he should have lost it because it should have m elted for the hell i put him through.<P>so he wears his ring, i wear my "pretend" ring but yet, he hasnt given me his heart and yet wont trust ect ect. there isnt much marriage building going on here. <P>i know that if i were in your position id put it away for a rainy day.<P>a ring doesnt make you married. your actions do.<P>my humble opionion,<BR>mercy

Cybil,<P>I asked a similar question ealier this week, here's the link so you can see the response I got. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010945.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010945.html</A> <P>I did put mine back on, it was for me not for anyone else. W doesn't wear hers and has noticed mine but hasn't said a word about it, unlike before. Hope I was of some help.<P>silwl<P>

Cybil:<P>Wear it. It is a subtle sign that at least <I>you</I> still are bound by the symbol, the eternal circle of marriage. Believe me, he will notice. Just one more "silent weapon" in your war to get him out of the fog.<P>[When I was the BS, I removed it. My exW noticed and remarked on it the next time we talked. (This was all pre-MB.) I don't remember the exact words, but the meat of it was: see you've given up on me.]<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 29, 2001).]

I have been torn with this same problem. My husband has for the most part, taken his ring off since DDay April 1. However, the time he took my S and me out to dinner last month, he had put it back on. I am sure that it is probably off again now....since he brought his OW here when I was in Europe. Our whole marriage, he has taken it on and off at will. He used to make excuses that he couldn't wear it flying...but I am sure now there was other reasons he did it too. <BR>I have never take my wedding ring off in 21 years. In fact, until I recently lost some weight, I couldn't get it off. On my trip to Europe, I roomed with two wonderful, supportive women. They found out what I have been dealing with and how awful I had been treated over the years. On our last day in Czechoslovakia(SP?) we went shopping in Prague. They took my hand and had some special lotion--and we took my ring off. They said that was the hardest part in facing a situation like mine. I did feel absolutely naked without it. They then took me shopping for a beautiful new ring to symbolize my new start in life. We flew home the next day and I was contemplating putting my wedding ring back on when my H wrote me an email...welcome home, hope you had a great time in Europe. The divorce papers are at the sheriff's office....." My new ring is now on forever.<P>I feel strongly that when you are married, you should wear your ring, because it symbolizes the vows you took. If you take it off whenever you are having problems--it takes away from the sacredness of your marriage. I know not everyone feels that way...but it is the way I feel. My aunt and my mother took their rings off because of comfort. But they are and were in very happy marriages. I guess it is just a matter of choice. I loved my ring and what it symbolized...it was hard to take it off.

Well, my H hadn't worn his wedding ring since a couple of years after our wedding. Claimed that it was too dangerous to work in. I wore mine until H bought me a CZ solitaire (too cheap to buy a diamond ) When son got married, they didn't have money for rings, so we had our original rings resized and polished up for them.<P>About a year after son got divorced (they're back together now ....see, there IS a chance to reconcile after divorce!), we got the rings back. By that time, we were dealing with H's infidelity, and I absolutely could not bear to wear that ring again. H tried to insist that I wear it and started wearing his again (after about 28 years of not wearing it!). However, all I can see when I look at that ring is broken vows.<P>Anyway, H bought me a new band with 3 carats of diamonds (real ones, this time!) arranged in 3 rows. It's beautiful, and I have no problem wearing it. However, it really won't mean anything until he truly decides that he <B>wants</B> to marry me again. Right now, it's just a beautiful ring, with the only significance being that CW hopefully recognized it as evidence that my H wants to stay married to me. (Yeah, I made darned sure that she saw it! )

Lady Clueless,<P>You go girl!!!!!

WOW! Lots of different opinions on the rings. Sil- thanks for the tips on the links I just finished reading. I think I am going to put my ring back on I always have it with me. I am not the one who made the decision to seperate and I am still legally married nothing has been filed and even though I have moved on to Plan B I am still commited to making this mariage work. I have decided on Plan B because I think it's best for me right now. He's the one in the fog and dragging his feet.<BR>Cybil

My beloved and I still wear ours. We will be renewing our vows also, and for that we have both added something to our rings. So technically at the moment we are not wearing them, but that is due to the work of the jewlers.

This is a good topic.<P>My W took hers off around the time that she told me about her A. I noticed this and gave her a hard time about it. I said something to the effect of "not wearing it doesn't mean we're not married and you're not guilty."<P>Anyway, I've continued to wear mine and I think we even talked briefly about this fact. I stole a line from someone on this board... I told her that she'd have to physically take it off me after the D is final if it ever came to that... I said I was committed for life.<P>She still wears a ring that I gave her for Christmas last year on her right finger... This used to make me mad but now that I've learned a lot, I don't mind. It is in fact a memento of me, ya know?<P>zen

Hi.<P>I have a bizarre ring story. My original wedding set got lost when a church member threw me into the lake for fun. I didn't notice it had fallen off until later that evening. A few months later my H bought me a new set to replace it because he didn't like me without a ring.<P>Fast forward to the affair. My H took his ring off because the OW insisted. I continued to wear my rings, unknowing what he was doing. During the affair, my H kept telling me he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. I had no idea why or anything. About halfway through the affair, he decided he wanted me and bought me yet another new set as a sign of his new commitment. While I was wearing this new set, he was sleeping with the OW.<P>After the affair came out, I took the rings off and said I wanted a divorce. He immediately took this new set and traded it in for yet another new set that was outrageously expensive and wiped out our bank account. I had no intention of wearing it, even though it was a beautiful set, and took them back to put the money back into our account.<P>It's a year later and I still wear no rings. He put his original wedding band back on and hasn't taken it off. I am not wearing rings because when I do, my husband takes that as everything is hunky-dory and we can just forget what he has done. I cannot commit to wearing my rings again until I see he is dealing with his mental illness (he was diagnosed bipolar after the affair) and is taking responsibility for his behavior. He is doing neither.<P>Sorry for such a long post.<P>God bless!<BR>tearfulnomore

I never took mine off, even when we were separated. He took his off when he moved out. I wasn't even sure he still had it. Then when he moved back in for the LAST time, the time he was actually ready to be home (no more waffling), he put it back on and has never taken it off since.

<B>Short answer:</B> H took his off when he started his A. <BR>I still wear mine. As long as I'm committed to the marriage - I'm wearing it.<P>Stop here if you don't want the<BR><B>Longer answer</B>: H NEVER took his ring off before!! He cried when he had to take it off for surgery!!! But he "doesn't want to be married right now". I asked H a few weeks ago to please AT LEAST wear it when we are together (dinner or whtever) just out of RESPECT for me - we are still married. He did the next time or two - not anymore. <P>I just had a battle with myself on this, so it's funny you raised the topic. After church today, I went and saw Pearl Harbor - have you seen it? GOOD movie - I cried and cried the whole time - about the romance story and about the horrors of war. Anyway, I got home and cried and cried - I feel like I am ready to give up on my H. I am so angry today and feeling those hurt feelings all over again - he had sex with another woman!!!! grrrrrrr..... I took my rings off and looked at them, and cried and prayed - God is it time to move on? I don't WANT to give up - but I'm so tired and hurt so much, and I don't even want to talk to my H anymore. I guess I am nearing Plan B. I am so angry at my H for making a decision about MY life. SO anyway - I quit my crying and then came to check the board - and here's your question about rings. <P>Thanks for the vent...

It's funny you asked the question..I took mine off for one day the day after d-day b/c I was so torn. My W took her engagement ring off first lasted two weeks then went ahead with her wedding band after that. During the time she was not wearing her engagement ring, I took it and put it away, but just tonight I told her that I had it and that I would feel more comfotable if she had it than I. She asked me why now and I said I don't know, but I felt like it was safer on her right ring finger than in my cabinet. She accepted and I put it on her right hand. Now whether she wears it or not is another thing. It's very weird b/c sometimes I see her with another ring on that looks like it could be a wedding band that I gave her on her ring finger then other times she has no ring on. I have wondered if she wears something and then takes it off when she is around me.<BR>Anyway, wear your ring especially around WS's!

This question hits home with me. I also took my ring off when my H first moved out. Then I changed my mind. I wore it for the two years while we were separated. My H hasn't worn his at all since the A started. Before that he would only wear it when we attended family events. That has bothered me much more than I was willing to admit! Did we only get married for our families? He is not proud enough to show others he is married to me? Just another reason for some of my insecurities during the marriage. My belief is that the rings symbolize your commitment to each other and the marriage. Both spouses should wear them, but I can totally understand when they are removed during an affair. You should do whatever makes you most comfortable.

I AM THE BS. I HAVE WORM MY RING ON & OFF FOR THE PAST 6 MONTHS. MY H THE WS DOES NOT WEAR HIS BEACAUSE I ASKED HIM NOT BECAUSE I FEEL HE DOESN'T DESERVE THE RIGHT TO. I DON'T WEAR MYTO IRRITATE MY H AND BECAUSE I FEEL EMBARRASSED.<BR>I KNOW THIS ISN'T WHAT MB WOULD SUGGEST, BUT IT'S WHAT I FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH. MY H HAS ASKED IF HE CAN PUT IT BACK ON, I TOLD HIM HE HAS TO EARN IT. OBVIOUSLY I STILL HAVE A LOT OF ANGER.<BR>

My H who is the WS has not worn a wedding ring for probably over 25 years. Took off for work reasons, then lost it and never expressed any need for one. He never acted married anyway so why look like it.<P>I will not take my off cause I am a married women and will act like one no matter what. If we divorce, I then will take it off.

I gave mine back to my WH on Christmas 1999 after he left our home to go see OW for a few hrs. I had to lie to the boys about where he was. OS figured it out. I threw it is his face when we got home later & he was back. The worst thing it was the 20th anv. of the 1st time he told me he loved me. He lost my ring or the OW stole it one.<P>WH hasn't worn his ring since Aug 99.<P>I did keep wearing my diamond till the 1st of yr, it was so lose I was afrid it would fall off. Can't decide what I want to do with it, I would never give to my sons to use, I think it is tainted now.<P>I now wear a James Avery ring the boys gave me.

I am the BS and I still wear my wedding ring and my engagement ring and my 10th anniversary band. I have only taken my rings off once since our marriage and that was when I broke my hand in a car accident.<BR>H. the WS, took his off more than 2 years ago in the midst of a huge battle we were having. He put it back on after D-day this year and wears it always now.<P>------------------<BR>I'm standing here until you make me move.<BR>I'm hanging by a moment here with you.<BR>From Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse

I cut my ring off of my finger and gave it to my WS and told him to keep it as a reminder of what he broke and that I didn't want it back. I took our vow very seriously on our wedding day (ten years ago) and only took it off to have his children! We are trying to get through this whole ordeal and afterward I may change my mind and have it repaired, but right now I like the idea of him carrying it around.<BR>