I've read the books and this site and I get Plan A and everything, but I can't deal with the pain anymore. I love my wife and would like her to come back, but I don't think she will.<P>I was supposed to call her this evening to talk, but decided to surprise her and call this morning. I called her parents and talked to her mom. She didn't stay with them last night she had decided to stay in town to look for an apartment early today. I called her sister who did live in town, but she didn't stay there either. I guess she was with the other man. <P>Then it finally hit me. I cried and cried and cried. I called my mom to get it off my chest and she said she would call my wife's mom as they have been good friends since we've been together. They talked a long time and EVERYONE is hurting in this but my wife. She has someone that for now is meeting all of her needs. Her mom told my mom that my wife has given every indication that she doesn't want to work on it or ever come back. Her dad is doing terribly. She's just hurting everyone around her and not seeing the consequences. She keeps saying she will always love me, but now she has to see what life will be like without me. I am not going to file for divorce(I want her to deal with that and feel the pain) and I'm not going to Plan B her. I just simply am not going to be there for her. I know that without Plan A she won't come back, but I've been hurting too much and can't do it anymore. I may be a quiter but I have to get on with MY pain and MY healing. I'll keep reading the books and going to counseling so that I don't make this mistake again.<P>Thanks for everyone's help and advice. I'm sorry I have to give up. I do love her.

you have made me cry. how much i would love for my spouse to be so there for me. i have repented, i have worked on marraige building, i have come back to a new better me. I deal with a marraige that is void of touch, filled with suspiciousness in every turn. Im sure she doesnt know what she is losing. <P>im so sorry for your pain. I truely belive there does come a tiem where people need to stop being a doormat and become someone who refuses to be walked on over and over by the WS!<P>God Bless,<BR>mercy

As a quick follow up. If anyone lives in Colorado they might be able to answer these questions.<P>Wife had affair, wife left, wife didn't contribute any salary in the last 2 years(she has a Master's degree and is completely capable of earning), I paid for everything in the last 2 years including downpayment and mortgage payments on house. Can she rightfully claim she has any money due her from the house?<P>Can she rightfully claim she has any right to any custody of our two dogs. One bought for my birthday, the other just plain a male dog, who wouldn't be happy without me anyway.<P>Can she rightfully claim any alimony if she is capable of working and she has worked our entire marriage up until 2 years ago. She chose to move to the small town where she might not have a chance to make a decent living.<BR>

Sad, you are very emotional today. Don't make any decisions you may later regret. Give it a few days / week - then make your decision. <P>If it's one thing I've learned, dno't make decisions when you are over-emotional.<P>Good luck. I am sorry for your pain. You do not deserve it.<BR>HbH

SBT:<P>You are not a "quitter" ... everyone has a threshhold for what pain they can tolerate.<P>If your love cannot extend past the pain you feel, then perhaps a Plan B letter is in order. However, I would recommend Plan A, at least for a while. Your best bet? Call Steve or Jennifer Harley. The link is at the top of the page. The money will be well-spent: you will either gain a strategy to get your wife back, or YOU will come away stronger and wiser. Either way, that call is a win-win one for you to make.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

im from colorado and colorado is NOT a community property state. soooooooooo.......you are both equally 100% entittled to everything. as far as i know in this state, if the woman is capable of making more money than the husband, HE is entittled to the alimony (im not kidding).<P>the thing of it is, is, you are married. and before this happened you were happy about carrying the laod of working and making payments??<P>im afraid that the judge is capablet o making those decisions. but im thinking in the back of my head that if she is guilty of adultery it is kind of like the ball is in your court. i have a friend who is going through this same situtaion and she doesnt even have the rights to see her kids because of such behavior. But i also know that depending on WHERE you live in co, and WHO your judge is, depends on what is going to happen.<P>in this part of CO they make you take all kinds of classes, counseliing ect ect. <P><BR>good luck,<BR>mercy

I'm in Denver.<P>I was happy to pay for everything because she told me she wanted to be a writer. I thought in the last 2 years that she was writing. She wasn't really doing any more than writing in her journal about her unhappiness. So I guess that's more things she's been lying about.<P>She moved to Nebraska, but at least for a while she is still a Colorado resident. So she'd have to come back here to file the paperwork, or do it in Nebraska once she becomes a resident. At that point I don't know how that will complicate things, although I'm sure it will.<P>I don't want this to turn ugly if she decides she wants a divorce as I still care for and love her, but I can't help feeling that the affair null and voids any rights she has to anything. I may be wrong.<P>I'm not sure what to make of the requirement for counseling. She won't do it now, I don't know what can be done if she is made to do it. I wanted to go to counseling as I didn't feel that things had gotten so bad that we couldn't work them out. But she never wanted to try.<P>I guess I'll have to talk to a lawyer to see what my rights are.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mercy:<BR><B>im from colorado and colorado is NOT a community property state. soooooooooo.......you are both equally 100% entittled to everything. as far as i know in this state, if the woman is capable of making more money than the husband, HE is entittled to the alimony (im not kidding).<P>the thing of it is, is, you are married. and before this happened you were happy about carrying the laod of working and making payments??<P>im afraid that the judge is capablet o making those decisions. but im thinking in the back of my head that if she is guilty of adultery it is kind of like the ball is in your court. i have a friend who is going through this same situtaion and she doesnt even have the rights to see her kids because of such behavior. But i also know that depending on WHERE you live in co, and WHO your judge is, depends on what is going to happen.<P>in this part of CO they make you take all kinds of classes, counseliing ect ect. <P><BR>good luck,<BR>mercy </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>