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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 74
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 74 |
How is it that someone can hurt us in the worst possible way but our love for them is still there? You would think that it would be so easy to hate them and not care about them but it just doesnt seem possible. I still love my W/S despite feeling like she ran a sword thru my gut. Sometimes I think we must be crazy. The lying, deception the emotional abandonment. I do agree to the anology of the W/S to an alien. I lovher with all my heart but that seems to be dimishing. As Ive told her I hate what youve done to me but I dont hate you. Confussing isnt it?
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 681
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 681 |
as a christain, Jesus says to hate the sin but not the sinner. that is what love is. love is kind, love is patient, love is forgiveness, love is ......whate ver.<P>im the W/s so i dont know HOW you can still love in the sense of still wanting the spouse in the home. i know if the shoe had been on teh other foot....no way no how would that cheater be in my house. but that is ME. and i expected to be treated in the same manner.<P>but back to your question. love takes time to build therefore, it isnt going to "die" all in the same minute. <P>that is how marraiges do keep going despite the blockade of affair.<P>mercy
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,137
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,137 |
Austin:<P>Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. You have to be able to feel <I>strongly</I> about something. If it is positive, it is love (I just <I>love</I> that color); if it is negative, it is hate (I just <I>hate</I> that color).<P>The fact that you can feel love for your wife despite the hurt she has caused is an indicator that your love bank still has deposits remaining. When the account gets to or below zero, only the hate [will] remain.<P>Right now you love your wife but hate the condition (affair) she is in. The turmoil of that love-hate emotional tug-of-war is often described here as the "rollercoaster ride from hell".<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL<p>[This message has been edited by SeenTheLight (edited July 29, 2001).]
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 562
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 562 |
Hi Austin. I know exactly how you feel. I go through that same love/hate scenario every other week with my H, I love him so much it hurts and then he will do or say something that causes me so much pain that I tell myself I hate him but those feelings of love always resurface. I wish I had the answers for you as well as for myself. All I know is that I am still commited to making our marriage work. Will it work? I'm not sure but I think we have to much love and time invested to just give up even though he may not see that now. Good Luck to you!<BR>Cybil
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