As you know I told you that my H took the kids to a co. function today something that we look forward to every year as a family. Well a few hours after they left my cell was ringing and low and behold guess who it was? Yes, indeed it was my H calling to see how I was and to let me know that the kids were fine and that he won these concert tickets that he thought I might enjoy so he gave them to my D to give to me for my girlfriend and I. I think he ws really calling to see if i was at home or went out. He said the kids were fine and knew I was probably worried about them. He was as nice as could be. What's up with him? He does this to me whenever I try to be strong it's like he wants to see if he can break me down and in my weak state I get my hopes up and think maybe the fog is starting to clear. It's only day 2 of Plan B for me and I don't want to cave in already but I don't want ot be a B**** either that takes to much energy and I need that energy for more positive things. Any advice?

cybil:<P>Maintain the Plan B ... obviously it is having an effect, hence your WS's attempts to push the envelope of your new resolve.<P>Keep it up, good job so far.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

<B>Any advice?</B><BR>Don't answer the phone. Let the answering machine/voice mail get it.<P>Plan B is about NOT communicating with him. This will help you to get along without him. Any interaction keeps you in the game & keeps your feelings in play. He ewants to see how serious you are.<P>You are in charge in Plan B NOT HIM!<P><B>I get my hopes up and think maybe the fog is starting to clear.</B><BR>Not very likely. Plan B is something which will get his attention though.<BR>Here's how it will probably go.<P>For a while he will call and talk as he did last night.<BR>If you do NOT respond to these calls (as you should.)<BR>After week or two of NOT answering, he will get mad on the phone.<BR>Then he will NOT call at all for a while.<BR>Then it will be like, "sorry about what's going on honey. We really need to talk because (of the kids, I'm confused, it's not fair, etc.) Take your pick.<P>These are all normal responses. Just remember WHY you went to Plan B & stick to it.<P>- He gives up the affair.<BR>- He writes a no contact letter.<BR>- Counseling<BR>- anything necessary to assure no contact between them<P><B>I don't want ot be a B**** either</B><BR>Not taking his calls is NOT being a b|tch. Not speaking with him is NOT being a b|tch.<P>All this should have been detailed in you Plan B letter. You do not need to explain it to him.<P>Plan B is not easy but it will help you in the long run.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Did you give him a Plan B letter to explain that you want no contact and so he will no why you don't want to talk to him?

No I have not given him the letter yet. H called on his way home w/the kids to see if I had made dinner for them or was he to feed them. I told him whatever it didn't matter to me. I can tell already that Plan B will be no easy task for me because there is no 3rd person to go through. We will still have to communicate on some level because of the kids and fnances. He was trying to be very nice to me and I did tell him again at this point I am still his wife and commited to our M even though he is not at this time, but I could not be his friend. I also told him that at this point I do not want him to move home because I think he needs to work on some of the issues he has. That totally floored him but I am surprisingly happy with myself tonight and have not even thought once about calling him! As he was leaving he told me to call him if I needed anything. I'm not looking for anything drastic to happen w/my H because he is very stubborn but I do think that I have given him something to think about. I also mentioned something about him going to counseling not for me, not for us, but for him and he actually said maybe one day I will. Which was something he has never said before. All I know is that I feel good tonight no tears!<BR>Cybil