Okay it has been about 4 months since D-Day. Hubby was the WS he seems to be doing well. We are in counseling and hubby is on antidepresants to get through the withdrawls. He is now on a real small dose and is very happy. As far as I know it has been three months since no contact. <BR>I am meeting his needs and he is meeting mine. I am falling deeply in love with him and getting scared! So I decided to write him a letter..Please read and let me know when you feel it is okay for me to express these feelings. Is it to soon or is it okay to let this out now. I am a very open and honest person who has not found one single person in my life you I can tell something without the whole world knowing. So now I only tell things to my husband, but since he hurt me that is scary. This is what I have wrote to him so far:<P>"I am happy to say that I am enjoying spending quality time with you and that I look forward to sharing more time with you. But I must say that I am getting scared as I am falling madly in love with you again. Your happiness and well being mean the world to me. <P>As you know I have never had a person in this world who I could trust. My mother now falls into this category. This bothers me everyday of my life. I struggle to find my purpose in life. I mean why am I on a planet with other people if I can’t confide in anyone person in this world and feel safe that they will not hurt me. I know that when I asked you on several occasions if things were okay with us you said yes and that you were not having an affair and that I did nto need to worry that you were lying to protect me. I do not need people to protect me in that way. I would rather people be openly honest with me and tell me what the expect and say hey I need this or this is not working so that they can all together avoid lying to and hurting someone deeply. Just like when you say hey I have something to tell you but can't tell no one, well if a person did not feel they could keep the secret then they should say don't tell me. I am opening myself up to you and sharing things on a daily basis that I am scared to death of sharing, but I am doing it all out of love. <P>I was hurt very badly by your affairs and lies. Getting through this has been hard for me since I do not have anyone to talk to about it. The therapist is the only one who comes close and I have to pay him! I understand that you felt things were not going well for us. But you owe it to me to be open and honest. You put my health at risk as well as our daughters. I need and deserve to feel safe. I need us to work hard at making this work and I need for you to tell me what you expect and need from me. <P>I would like for you to finish reading the surviving an affair book when things settle down and you have time. It really helped me through this and I reread it often. <P>Please share your thoughts and intentions with me. I am getting scared to move forward because these feelings I am having are very intense and it would be devastating to be hurt again. If you are not ready to discuss this than just say, but if you have any feelings on the subject please share them with me. Only you know how you are feeling and only you know what you truly want and are capable of promising.<P><BR>

So far I added this to the letter:<BR>You said in therapy once that I did not share my hopes and dreams with you. Well my biggest hope and dream in life is to find someone that I can be openly honest with who will be open and honest with me and not hurt me. I find this more important than anything. My goal is to be that person for our children, and you if you will be that person for me. I want to leave this world knowing that I was honest and trust worthy. I also want to leave this world with the experience of being able to trust someone with my deepest thoughts and feelings without them betraying or hurting me.<P>

I have written many such letters to my H. It someitmes got a response, but mostly it felt good for me to be able to put in writing all the "noise" in my head. Eventually my H started writing letters & cards expressing his feelings. (this with the help of the Venus/Mars book) <BR>We sound very much alike with our trust issues. I always thought of my H as my best friend & the only real person I could confide in. What a devasting blow to find out he had been having affairs for 13 out 17 years of marriage. The trust that I thought I had finally built with at least 1 person on this planet had been broken. It hasn't been easy. Only 6 months since I found out about the A's & ow's.<BR>The letters did help & we both have kept them & it is good to reread them.<BR>1 question ?? Have you gotten the answers to the questions in your head about the A & OW ???<BR>I found that I constantly worried & wondered until I got the answers I needed.<P>Good luck with the letter...<BR>

tmh, <P>If your H is a person that is easy to talk to and doesnt get threatened by you needing him, this letter is wonderful. It is heartfelt, honest and loving. I do not know how far along he is in his recovery, or what his communication style is like, but I dont think this letter is bad. It is more like you telling him what you need, which is a good thing. I would maybe talk to him, see how he is feeling, if hes ready to talk about meeting needs, and if so, then put this in a card expressing your love for him, and your hopes of a future with him. <P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

So far things are going great for us and I am waiting to be jolted out of this fairy tale ending!!!<P>The hardest part was that he told me he loved her, but it was a different knid of love the love we never had in his mind. But we did he just can not remeber it due to a head injury!!! YEs that is right he has memory loss for real. All his memories with me are like pictures without feelings. <P>Right now I am feeling a lot of love from him and we are spending a lot of intimate time together. He is once agian here for me sexually. <P>I like the idea of putting the letter on a nice card.<P>I know most of the details of the affiar. For me that is bad. Because it just cuases more triggers. Like the first time they slept together was in a hotel and on the day he took me and our son to the hotel. I know the date and all. A year is coming up soon, and i do not know what I am going to do. I was hoping the date would jump by without notice, but I doubt it since it is right near a holiday!!! <P>I am going to hold off on the letter for a bit until I can get a better feel as to where we stand. <P>Don't get me wrong he is doing great, but one day I thought things were great and he was in huge trumoil. A big problem for him is how bad he hurt me and the OW. The is what triggered him into severe depression. So I want to wait and drop the letter on him when he can handle it. I think in the letter I am saying that I was hurt, but want to get past it and that he and know one else has the right to hurt me and that he needs to be on that track with me.<BR>